Play hardball or walk away?

[Anonymous]

I recently had the misfortune of being placed under a toxic boss. I can genuinely say I have had great relationships with every single one of my bosses; stay in touch with many; and have been approached for jobs by prior bosses several times. I have never experienced anything like this before. The toxicity is causing me undue stress, not being able to sleep, eat, etc. I began aggressively applying for other jobs and am anticipating at least one offer shortly, I’m in a niche field and have had a lot of responses to my resume.

While this was taking place, another team within my company approached me about an internal transfer. Both my boss and my potential new boss okayed the transfer, but my current boss is dragging things out, saying he needs to find a replacement, that I need to finish XYZ project, etc. Given the time it took to hire the last person in my role; I’m anticipating being stuck under him for at least two more months which is not feasible for me. The new team wants me immediately.

I am debating going to the higher ups with an offer once received and saying the transfer needs to happen within a week or I will be leaving. I know this is not the best look but I am miserable and do not care.

Is this too aggressive / will leadership resent me for this?

[Anonymous]

Always be ready to walk away. It's just a job, not that serious. Not worth it in the long run. Put your F-U money to good use

[Anonymous]

Wow your boss is toxic. Why is he still able to control you? Do whatever it takes to get away from him. He gets to handle the mess he made. If you quit he's in the same pickle so just initiate your transfer with the new boss immediately. Stop "asking"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Always be ready to walk away. It's just a job, not that serious. Not worth it in the long run. Put your F-U money to good use

That is where I’m at. Life is too short to sit around dealing with some fool.

[Anonymous]

No, if you have leverage, use it.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think you should give them an ultimatum, but I would push with whatever political capital you have internally to make the transfer happen quickly.

To me, this is the hallmark of one of the worst kinds of toxic bosses; they act like you’re scum, but they can’t dare give up the power they have over you. Truly narcissistic.

Do you happen to be a woman and have your current boss as a man? That can add another layer of complexity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think you should give them an ultimatum, but I would push with whatever political capital you have internally to make the transfer happen quickly.

To me, this is the hallmark of one of the worst kinds of toxic bosses; they act like you’re scum, but they can’t dare give up the power they have over you. Truly narcissistic.

Do you happen to be a woman and have your current boss as a man? That can add another layer of complexity.

Yes, that is the case. And that’s what is so infuriating. Boss clearly thinks I’m a POS employee (a sharp contrast, I might add, to other peoples’ perceptions of me in the company…) so why the F does he care where I go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, if you have leverage, use it.

I’m at the point where if they told me to walk, I’d almost be relieved.

[Anonymous]

That happened to me last month because my boss was very toxic. I received an offer from another company and went to my boss's boss to let him know that he had to choose between my boss or me. My boss was fired the following week. We have a new boss and life is good again.

[Anonymous]

I am debating going to the higher ups with an offer once received and saying the transfer needs to happen within a week or I will be leaving. I know this is not the best look but I am miserable and do not care.

You don't have to phrase it as an ultimatum but this is exactly what you should do. Don't burn bridges, just say you are very flattered, but you have another offer to start immediately, so you won't be able to accept their transfer offer unless you can start by [DATE] so you can respond to that offer in a reasonable timeframe. Make sure you actually start in the new position before you turn the other one down, don't accept lip service.

This all depends on whether you want to stay, as far as your seniority in the current org, flexibility, commute, salary, etc.

[Anonymous]

If this were me i would call a meeting with my boss + their manager, ask what is needed to be able to facilitate you leaving within maximum two weeks, and get them both to commit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think you should give them an ultimatum, but I would push with whatever political capital you have internally to make the transfer happen quickly.

To me, this is the hallmark of one of the worst kinds of toxic bosses; they act like you’re scum, but they can’t dare give up the power they have over you. Truly narcissistic.

Do you happen to be a woman and have your current boss as a man? That can add another layer of complexity.

Yes, that is the case. And that’s what is so infuriating. Boss clearly thinks I’m a POS employee (a sharp contrast, I might add, to other peoples’ perceptions of me in the company…) so why the F does he care where I go.

Are you the employee from this thread!

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1324251.page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think you should give them an ultimatum, but I would push with whatever political capital you have internally to make the transfer happen quickly.

To me, this is the hallmark of one of the worst kinds of toxic bosses; they act like you’re scum, but they can’t dare give up the power they have over you. Truly narcissistic.

Do you happen to be a woman and have your current boss as a man? That can add another layer of complexity.

Yes, that is the case. And that’s what is so infuriating. Boss clearly thinks I’m a POS employee (a sharp contrast, I might add, to other peoples’ perceptions of me in the company…) so why the F does he care where I go.

Are you the employee from this thread!

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1324251.page

Hah, no!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think you should give them an ultimatum, but I would push with whatever political capital you have internally to make the transfer happen quickly.

To me, this is the hallmark of one of the worst kinds of toxic bosses; they act like you’re scum, but they can’t dare give up the power they have over you. Truly narcissistic.

Do you happen to be a woman and have your current boss as a man? That can add another layer of complexity.

Yes, that is the case. And that’s what is so infuriating. Boss clearly thinks I’m a POS employee (a sharp contrast, I might add, to other peoples’ perceptions of me in the company…) so why the F does he care where I go.

Because toxic bosses like playing games and controlling people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, if you have leverage, use it.

I’m at the point where if they told me to walk, I’d almost be relieved.

I think you can use leverage here.