How complicated are 6 year old playdates?

[Anonymous]

Do most of you find things are easy and smooth by the time kids are 6? I have a boy, and he can have great playdates. But he can also fairly frequently have terrible ones. Ones where he or the other kid refuse to share or come to any compromise. Its become harder to cajole them into playing together. I am not opposed to leaving it alone and let them work it out, but it can degenerate into DS getting very angry or other kid crying. I should say that this is a new school, so all new classmates. Things are generally smoother with established playmates, and there are a few with whom things are always smooth. Thoughts anyone?

[Anonymous]

Have a girl and it's not so different. I sometimes wonder if it's pre-pre-puberty kicking in, more moodiness, less flexibility, especially when tired. I try to redirect with a snack or some outside time or doing something with them for a while when things start to go south. I think leaving them until someone is in tears is not so helpful, they are only 6 after all. We've learned to avoid Friday playdates, everyone seems tired and there have been some epic disasters.

[Anonymous]

I also have a six year old son, but he's never had a bad playdate (to my knowledge). I rarely have to get involved and basically just check on them every once in awhile to see if they're hungry or need anything.

[Anonymous]

I'm with 23:28. My son doesn't need a whole lot of supervision & I rarely have to mediate disputes during playdates. However, he is the youngest of 3 so he is used to having to share & compromise and used to having to work things out on his own. Not saying he has the maturity of an adult, but he's a pretty easygoing and flexible personality.

[Anonymous]

We started having problems doing playdates with a family that we have done zillions of playdates with around 6. They just did not get along anymore. We opted to stop playdates for a time. We changed playdate partners and it has worked out very well for us.

[Anonymous]

I have an only and he is very very good at making the BEST of his playdates because playmates/dates are so special to him and every single one is like a vacation to me.

The BIGGEST problem we have with playdates is younger siblings tagging along! My child wants to play with his peer - not his not-yet-socialized pre-school-aged sibling! That is the only time we have trouble on playdates is when there is a too-young sibling tagging along for the ride.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Wow I wonder if I have a more complicated 6 year old. Or one who is less able to get along than some of you have described. Sigh. We also have a 4 year old. 6 year old DS and his friends generally are acting in a very exclusionary fashion toward the 4 year old. I hate playdates because my 4 year old becomes needy and she is being ignored. Then about half the time DS and friend don't get along. I know he needs to improve his social skills, but it can all get so exhausting.

[Anonymous]

My 6 yr old also has some difficult playdates where he is coming to me over and over for help. I try not to play referee but sometimes end up doing that. If it gets really bad, I will have them come to me for a talk as we try to figure out something that they can both agree on. Usually, I try to redirect by offering a snack or thinking of another activity they can do. Stomp rockets are a good toy to pull out when things get bad. It gets them outside, too.

[Anonymous]

I have an only and he is very very good at making the BEST of his playdates because playmates/dates are so special to him and every single one is like a vacation to me.

The BIGGEST problem we have with playdates is younger siblings tagging along! My child wants to play with his peer - not his not-yet-socialized pre-school-aged sibling! That is the only time we have trouble on playdates is when there is a too-young sibling tagging along for the ride.

What do you expect these parents to do with their younger chilldren?

My 6-yo does great with playdates in general but he also loves younger children and is very nice about including them if they are there. I have no problem with a toddler/preschooler coming along. You sound kind of high-maintenance, frankly.

[Anonymous]

My daughter is an only child, although not sure if this makes a huge difference. She does great with playdates, even if a little sibling tags along. But...there is one girl that we do playdates with because I am friends with the mom that usually ends up in disaster - arguing over toys, someone crying or just ignoring each other and doing there own thing. I am not planning on eliminating meeting up with this little girl because they both need to experience conflict. I try not to step in unless thigns are really bad, but the other mom steps in right away and tries to resolve the situation for both which I think makes things worse. I have suggested that she back off, but she hates to see the kids in distress. Funny thing is that my daughter always asks to hang out with this girl! Go figure. Just chalk it up to personality bumps - redirecting is always a good tool.

[Anonymous]

I have a four-year-old and a six-year-old, and thanks to this thread, I am going to be way more hands off during their playdates. Thank you!!!

I do think I step in too much to mediate conflict or to direct their play. We don't have all that much conflict, luckily, so when I see it, I usually jump right in. I think I'll sit back and watch to see how the kids resolve it themselves from now on.

[Anonymous]

There are a lot of factors that go into a good (crying-free) playdate. First, the kids just have to like each other. Second, the time of day has to be optimal--nap time, right before meals when kids are hungry, etc., are bad times. Third, the playdate can't last too long--two hours is good, more than that can be difficult.

I don't mind younger siblings tagging along, but usually I feel sorry for them because they end up being left out or being the third wheel.

I don't intervene unless someone cries. The kids can argue, but when the tears start, an adult intervenes.

[Anonymous]

What are some favorite activities for six-year-old boy playdates? Mine can spend hours on Lego and PlayMobil, but they get bored sooner or later. They have no interest in art, and we live in the city so we don't have a big yard.

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't think it's you. My 6yo boy has had some complicated playdates lately, and I don't blame any of the kids involved. The kids don't want to do the same thing or someone (ok, my kid) has an issue sharing a particular toy. Or someone (in the case, my son's friend) gets insulted if other kids at the park try to join their game. Ahh, the drama. I try not to intervene, but also feel like if I'm hosting the kids without their parents there, it's still my responsibility to make sure things are basically going OK.

Here are my takeaways - afterschool playdates are tough. It's exciting to ride someone else's bus etc, but it always seems too short before pickup and the kids still need to unwind from school, so I'm now trying to avoid these. I also have a bit of a dilemma about the Wii. We don't have one yet, not because we're neurotic about electronics but mainly because our son doesn't seem very interested (yet) so I'm waiting until he presses for one. But we've had kids come over and seem completely dumbfounded by the prospect of no Wii or DS or whatever. It's almost as though they forget how to play non-electronically... which doesn't exactly encourage me to jump on the Wii bandwagon. On the other hand I don't want my kid to be totally out of the social loop.

I don't mind younger siblings along for the ride in theory. My 6yo has a much younger sibling, so unless it's my own home or a public park, I try not to have the 2yo along on playdates just for my own sanity.