Getting dropped from the friend group

[Anonymous]

It's senior year - started in the fall and never got better. How can a mom support.

[Anonymous]

Encourage them to socialize with other people. Remind them that college (or whatever's next) is right around the corner.

[Anonymous]

A job does wonders in this moment. Keeps busy, meets a broader range of people. Builds funds for college social life.

Don’t downplay the hurt. Acknowledge it. And also offer a new direction that is very validating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A job does wonders in this moment. Keeps busy, meets a broader range of people. Builds funds for college social life.

Don’t downplay the hurt. Acknowledge it. And also offer a new direction that is very validating.

I agree with all of this!

In the meantime, sending hugs and sympathy. Teenagers can be so cruel and selfish.

[Anonymous]

Remind them that there's only two months left of dealing with these people and then they'll meet a whole new cast of people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's senior year - started in the fall and never got better. How can a mom support.

Job. Sports. Traveling (even day trips local). Get ready for college (shopping, etc). Encourage other friends.

My DD went through this. A friend that she introduced to everyone coordinated a complete blockade of my daughter. End of Junior Year.

Interestingly, FFW and that leader was ostracized for various reasons and the other girls gave her the full rundown of what the queen bee did. But by then, my DD had no interested in her former friends. And didn't trust them.

[Anonymous]

Does it at least help your kid get excited about starting over in college? We have sort of the flip side here. My kid who has been a homebody for years is all of a sudden having the time of her life during senior year. Good friends, new friends, a boyfriend. She feels devastated to see high school end and does not seem very excited about college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's senior year - started in the fall and never got better. How can a mom support.

Job. Sports. Traveling (even day trips local). Get ready for college (shopping, etc). Encourage other friends.

My DD went through this. A friend that she introduced to everyone coordinated a complete blockade of my daughter. End of Junior Year.

Interestingly, FFW and that leader was ostracized for various reasons and the other girls gave her the full rundown of what the queen bee did. But by then, my DD had no interested in her former friends. And didn't trust them.

This an OP is senior year. This is so disheartening because I though kids matured a bit as HS progressed....

[Anonymous]

I have four kids - youngest is a senior in high school. For some reason, there is more drama and breaking of friend groups in the last term. Fights erupt over whose doing beach week together, going to prom together, etc. I almost put it down to too much time together and dealing with the aftermath of the stress of the college process. Who gets in where and who doesn't can lead to hard feelings too. All so random.

My advice (FWIW) is to encourage your child to reach out to their other friend groups or peripheral friends. Or even find old friends that they lost close touch with. One of my kid's oldest friends had this happen to them right before prom - instead of staying home and stewing - they reached out to my kid and joined their group. Once they go away to college and come back, the drama seems to fade away and people are friends or friendly again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have four kids - youngest is a senior in high school. For some reason, there is more drama and breaking of friend groups in the last term. Fights erupt over whose doing beach week together, going to prom together, etc. I almost put it down to too much time together and dealing with the aftermath of the stress of the college process. Who gets in where and who doesn't can lead to hard feelings too. All so random.

My advice (FWIW) is to encourage your child to reach out to their other friend groups or peripheral friends. Or even find old friends that they lost close touch with. One of my kid's oldest friends had this happen to them right before prom - instead of staying home and stewing - they reached out to my kid and joined their group. Once they go away to college and come back, the drama seems to fade away and people are friends or friendly again.

It’s also spoiling the nest - picking fights to make it easier to leave in August.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have four kids - youngest is a senior in high school. For some reason, there is more drama and breaking of friend groups in the last term. Fights erupt over whose doing beach week together, going to prom together, etc. I almost put it down to too much time together and dealing with the aftermath of the stress of the college process. Who gets in where and who doesn't can lead to hard feelings too. All so random.

My advice (FWIW) is to encourage your child to reach out to their other friend groups or peripheral friends. Or even find old friends that they lost close touch with. One of my kid's oldest friends had this happen to them right before prom - instead of staying home and stewing - they reached out to my kid and joined their group. Once they go away to college and come back, the drama seems to fade away and people are friends or friendly again.

A lot of this can be avoided by staying away from the high drama friend groups in the first place. The ones that are toxic in 9th grade will still be toxic in 12th. Your kid might just find themselves on the wrong side of the drama at the end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A job does wonders in this moment. Keeps busy, meets a broader range of people. Builds funds for college social life.

Don’t downplay the hurt. Acknowledge it. And also offer a new direction that is very validating.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's senior year - started in the fall and never got better. How can a mom support.

Job. Sports. Traveling (even day trips local). Get ready for college (shopping, etc). Encourage other friends.

My DD went through this. A friend that she introduced to everyone coordinated a complete blockade of my daughter. End of Junior Year.

Interestingly, FFW and that leader was ostracized for various reasons and the other girls gave her the full rundown of what the queen bee did. But by then, my DD had no interested in her former friends. And didn't trust them.

Have seen this exact scenario. Awful. So sorry this happened to your daughter and to OP's. But take consolation in the fact that it is so common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have four kids - youngest is a senior in high school. For some reason, there is more drama and breaking of friend groups in the last term. Fights erupt over whose doing beach week together, going to prom together, etc. I almost put it down to too much time together and dealing with the aftermath of the stress of the college process. Who gets in where and who doesn't can lead to hard feelings too. All so random.

My advice (FWIW) is to encourage your child to reach out to their other friend groups or peripheral friends. Or even find old friends that they lost close touch with. One of my kid's oldest friends had this happen to them right before prom - instead of staying home and stewing - they reached out to my kid and joined their group. Once they go away to college and come back, the drama seems to fade away and people are friends or friendly again.

This is happening to my DD as well. Everyone is at their breaking point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have four kids - youngest is a senior in high school. For some reason, there is more drama and breaking of friend groups in the last term. Fights erupt over whose doing beach week together, going to prom together, etc. I almost put it down to too much time together and dealing with the aftermath of the stress of the college process. Who gets in where and who doesn't can lead to hard feelings too. All so random.

My advice (FWIW) is to encourage your child to reach out to their other friend groups or peripheral friends. Or even find old friends that they lost close touch with. One of my kid's oldest friends had this happen to them right before prom - instead of staying home and stewing - they reached out to my kid and joined their group. Once they go away to college and come back, the drama seems to fade away and people are friends or friendly again.

A lot of this can be avoided by staying away from the high drama friend groups in the first place. The ones that are toxic in 9th grade will still be toxic in 12th. Your kid might just find themselves on the wrong side of the drama at the end.

.

I didn’t know we got to choose our kids’s friends in HS? If I had known, I would have chosen differently.