How would you handle this?

[Anonymous]

I've been part of a women's group through my church for several years. It has about 15 members at any given time. Due to the transient nature of the area people tend to filter in and out but half of the group or so has been consistently attending since I joined. There are other members who are newer or attend very sporadically (the group meets bi-weekly, they may show up once every few months, one woman I literally did not see for six months). The group in general is very welcoming, and people (myself included) will throw out a broad invite to the group text when they host events like a housewarming or Super Bowl party.

I am expecting my first and my MIL is throwing a shower. I'd like to invite some of these women, but feel odd inviting the entire group to a more intimate/gift giving event, especially the people who attend very sporadically. At the same time, I don't want to seem exclusionary. One of my friends in the group inadvertently left a new joiner out of an event she planned and it was a bit awkward.

What makes more sense - to invite a smaller group, and hope word doesn't 'get out' (to be honest, I highly doubt the people I don't know well would care or be offended) or extend a broad invite knowing that many may not attend?

[Anonymous]

I don’t know the answer, but I will say I really struggled with this with my showers. My default is to be so “the more the merrier!” and inclusive, when it’s a party for the purpose of giving gifts, it’s so odd.

What I think I would do is think about people individually. Forget about the group for a minute - how many of these people do you personally feel close enough that you’d invite them? If that number is less than five, I’d just invite them individually. If that number is eight or more (ie, more than half the group), I’d go ahead and invite everyone (but make it a very low pressure, casual invite).

5-7? Tricky. Maybe ask the person or two that you’re closest to and see what they think?

[Anonymous]

I was really careful about this with my baby shower. I didn't want one at all but friends insisted and then wanted a guest list. I kept it small to avoid looking like a gift grab and then ultimately they suggested making it a book shower so I didn't even end up with stuff I needed and still left people out.

I'm retrospect I shouldn't have fretted so much and just taken a more the merrier approach.

[Anonymous]

Do you think one of the group members are already planning to host you a baby shower?

My church friends did this. It was a win-win.

[Anonymous]

Invite ALL. They won't all come

[Anonymous]

I would just go ahead ➕ extend the invite to the entire group to be safe.

Yes there are many that likely will choose not to attend - - but at least doing things this way may prevent any hurt or awkward feelings later on.

Good luck & congratulations!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was really careful about this with my baby shower. I didn't want one at all but friends insisted and then wanted a guest list. I kept it small to avoid looking like a gift grab and then ultimately they suggested making it a book shower so I didn't even end up with stuff I needed and still left people out.

I'm retrospect I shouldn't have fretted so much and just taken a more the merrier approach.

Ahh….
You live and you learn, right??

You can ask guests to bring a favorite children’s book so they won’t feel they are pressured to buy an expensive gift.
Just do not do one of those annoying diaper raffles……

I find it so tacky when people who are already purchasing a baby gift are also encouraged to purchase a pack of baby diapers!
Considering how much diapers co$t in today’s market!

[Anonymous]

I would invite all the ones that are there semi regularly and more. The person who came once in 6 months? I think she's fine to leave out.

However, the easiest thing to do is just invite everyone. People will decline

[Anonymous]

Thanks all, for the advice and well wishes!