My Mom's Role during labor?

[Anonymous]

I am putting together a 'script' of sorts for early labor that includes reminders of all we've been learing in our classes, but it just occured to me that my mom will probably be with us when I go into labor. She lives out of state and I wanted her in town when the baby comes home to help, since my DH needs to go back to work. And because of the high fuel prices, airline tickets are extremely high. With that in mind, I told her to go ahead and book the flight and she can stay with us in our spare room. What should I tell my mom to do when I go into labor? I'd really like my DH to be attending to me (I also think that he is worried that if my mom is there he will be kicked out of the picture and won't be as involved as he'd like to be). Are there things that I can ask my mom to do during this time? Any thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Frankly, Nothing!
There were so many people in the room (nurses, dr, etc) it was just too much for me. This time my mom is here in town, and even if she wasn't slated to take care of my 15 mo old, I wouldn't have her in the hospital room with me. If she really wants to be there, she could hang out in the waiting room, but really I couldn't imagine having more people in the room...though it was integral for my husband to be there as his support was key to the process (the nurses were kind of chatty and he was the one calling contractions!)

[Anonymous]

I agree with the PP.

Quite honestly, asking your mom to be at home preparing a freezer full of meals might be her best contribution.

[Anonymous]

Wait until you're in labor, and then you'll know! I labored at home for quite a while (late at night) and quickly realized that I wanted to be mostly alone. Didn't even want to be with dh (though I was glad to know he was nearby)! We told my mom when it was basically time to go to the hospital. In my case, baby was born soon after I got to the hospital, and I was glad that both dh and my mom were in the room. Other than knowing she was nearby, I didn't need much from her.

However, I can imagine scenarios (such as a long, drawn-out labor) where it would have been important to have someone relieve dh. I was at friend's birth and had to make sure her dh took a break to go get some food and go to the bathroom! No way did he want to leave her alone, but I think he felt really relieved to have someone else there that could take a turn, even if only for a short time.

If you do want her there for the birth, you could ask her to take photos (at whatever stage you prefer!), keep track of times and events during the birth (if you want that info for later), be available to run errands, etc. Most important, I think, is making sure that anyone with you in labor is willing to follow your (and dh's) directions and not take it personally if you are grumpy, want to be alone, swear, etc.!

P.S. I agree that food for the freezer is a great idea, especially if she's waiting around for you to go into labor! Also pre-washing baby clothes, etc.

[Anonymous]

MIL's job was to keep the dog happy and make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for us to take to the hospital. She was staying with us and I was in labor most of the night at home. So she just stayed with our dog, who was a little freaked out at my distress, and then packed us sandwiches.

[Anonymous]

It all depends. I have a great relationship with my mom. My mother is also very intuitive of when she needs to just disappear and when she should be present. I am SO thankful she was in my L/D room with me and my husband. My husband was actively involved throughout. My mom was there when I needed her too. I pushed for two 1/2 hours and towards the end when we decided for a C/S when we realized the baby was turned funny my epidural ran out. I went from pressure pain to feeling like I was trying to push an elephant out of there. It was rough to say the least. My husband got freaked out at me being in so much pain that he wanted to literally track down the doctors to take care of it. My mom remained calm and coached me through it - it was VERY difficult to keep me focused to deal with the pain. I don't know what we would have done without her. My husband was grateful. I do have to say in the beginning he did not want her in there at all but then asked her to stay. So, talk it over with your husband and be realisitic of your own needs and how you cope.

[Anonymous]

I think it also depends on what type of labor you are hoping for. Are you shooting for a natural birth? Or are you shooting for a give me the drugs as soon as I get to the hospital birth?

I know I was shooting for a natural birth with my son. And if my mom had been around, she would not have understood the things I was doing to try to have that. She would have insisted that I go the hospital immediately upon the onset of labor, insisted that I get pitocin as soon as the doctor first mentioned it, etc.

I think your mom's role should be to help the father in however he needs help. For example, he may need some food - she can go to the cafeteria to bring that to him. Or you may feel like calling other family members - I know when striving for a natural birth I was really upset when DH was on the phone with the one set of people who knew I was in labor - thus, if we had a helper I would not have minded so much as I still would have had someone attentive to my needs.

I agree though with one of the posters - have her making some frozen meals and cleaning the house spotless while you are in the hospital!

[Anonymous]

For my first delivery (induced vaginal delivery with an epidural), my parents and sisters took turns hanging out with me and my husband as I waited to deliver. It took 12 hours and I was comfortable thanks to the epi. Once it was time to start pushing, it was just me and DH -- everyone else went out to the waiting room. It was comforting for me to have my family around before and afterwards. And it was very exciting for them to be a part of it and to be able to see the baby so soon.

Similar situation for my second scheduled c-section delivery. Obviously, no one besides my husband was in the OR. But it was great having family around afterwards. My mom sat with me in the recovery room while I rested -- this gave my husband the opportunity to follow the baby around as he was taken by nurses to be bathed, have tests done, etc. Once I was taken to my hospital room, my parents helped get us settled (ie: they brought our bags in from our car, got food/drinks for my husband, etc.).

I'm the kind of person who didn't want an audience during delivery, so I can certainly understand why you may not want your mom in the delivery room. But try to imagine how excited she must be for you -- and how excited she will be to see the baby. You may end up laboring for a long time and you just might enjoy her company. She can always wait in the waiting room once things get going. This way, she can feel like she's a part of everything. Plus, I'm sure your mom will feel anxious and want to know that you are okay -- and that the baby is okay.

[Anonymous]

My mom was with us the entire night - 12-13 hours labor - 1 hour pushing. My first pregnancy ended badly - had to deliver twins at 21 weeks and she was with us then as it was very helpful to both DH and I - so when I went into labor the second time we felt since she had been with us through the sorrow, she should share in the joy.

As others have said the answer depends on wht you, DH and you mom want and in that order. My mom is good at knowing when to take a back seat and when to step forward. This time my MIL has made a comment about wanting to be there also - and truthfully I don't care either way so we may have both grandmothers in the room. I know a lot of people would not feel comfortable with this, but the grandmothers are very close to us and our child and so supportive - I look at it as a special event for them also.

[Anonymous]

OP Here, thank you to all the posters. It really gives me a lot to consider. I might actually be a little more confused than I was before, but I know that my DH and I will figure this out so it is best for us. Again, thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP Here, thank you to all the posters. It really gives me a lot to consider. I might actually be a little more confused than I was before, but I know that my DH and I will figure this out so it is best for us. Again, thank you.

New poster here. Also, try to keep in mind that it is hard to know for sure what you will want once labor begins. DH might pluck your last nerve or your mother might. Or one or the other of them might rise to the occasion. It's a good idea to talk with DH and/or your mother ahead of time about this possibility and have them be prepared to take a step back, if you want them too. Perhaps have a code word set up. Something along the lines of "shut-the-eff-up" might work But, seriously, it really is hard to know and whomever you ask to be in the room with you needs to be focused on your needs and the needs of the baby, not their own needs. That's key. GL!