Fed Up with PDA

[Anonymous]

I don’t know if this is a vent or a plea for help. I’m at my wits end with my confirmed AuDHD and suspected PDA/anxious/OCD child. The absolute defiance, the violent meltdowns, destruction, etc. I’ve read all the books (Declarative Language, Low Demand Parenting, Explosive Child, etc.) and we’re doing all the therapies.

Peds psych has been useless. The stimulants aggravate the anxiety, the SSRI induced mania, the non-stimulant did nothing. I’m just scared for the future when he gets stronger and we may need anti-psychotics. Despite all the challenges, I’ve never thought this until today but I’m starting a countdown to graduation. While this post makes him sound quite impaired, he’s actually very capable. Permanent disability is not happening and he’ll have to find a way in this world.

[Anonymous]

Agreed. I’m well aware that some kids have more difficult temperaments. But our parenting culture is creating disaster for those kids.

Recognizing my role in this is key. I’m not a bad parent, but I followed some bad advice.

[Anonymous]

In NT people SSRI inducing mania is an indicator of undiagnosed bipolar disorder. IDK about for ND people.

[Anonymous]

Not sure how old your DC is, but antipsychotics have been a game changer for us. Also I recommend parent therapy with therapists who do behavioral/OCD/anxiety therapy. We did all the things you mention too and none of those worked either, but this did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agreed. I’m well aware that some kids have more difficult temperaments. But our parenting culture is creating disaster for those kids.

Recognizing my role in this is key. I’m not a bad parent, but I followed some bad advice.

I would love to hear more about this. I agree with you, but am not sure it’s an accepted school of thought

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know if this is a vent or a plea for help. I’m at my wits end with my confirmed AuDHD and suspected PDA/anxious/OCD child. The absolute defiance, the violent meltdowns, destruction, etc. I’ve read all the books (Declarative Language, Low Demand Parenting, Explosive Child, etc.) and we’re doing all the therapies.

Peds psych has been useless. The stimulants aggravate the anxiety, the SSRI induced mania, the non-stimulant did nothing. I’m just scared for the future when he gets stronger and we may need anti-psychotics. Despite all the challenges, I’ve never thought this until today but I’m starting a countdown to graduation. While this post makes him sound quite impaired, he’s actually very capable. Permanent disability is not happening and he’ll have to find a way in this world.

It sounds like you might need anti-psychotics now. Anti-psychotics have been critical for my kid who has mania with SSRI's alone, and have allowed space for other interventions to work. As to the bolded, you don't get to choose whether your kid has permanent issues. But finding solutions now, when you have some control and see that the meds are taken and habit develope, will reduce the chances relative to waiting until he's too big for you to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure how old your DC is, but antipsychotics have been a game changer for us. Also I recommend parent therapy with therapists who do behavioral/OCD/anxiety therapy. We did all the things you mention too and none of those worked either, but this did.

Do you mean PCIT? I’ll bring up the antipsychotics at our next appt. Did you do any psychotropic/genetic testing before selecting particular meds?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agreed. I’m well aware that some kids have more difficult temperaments. But our parenting culture is creating disaster for those kids.

Recognizing my role in this is key. I’m not a bad parent, but I followed some bad advice.

I would love to hear more about this. I agree with you, but am not sure it’s an accepted school of thought

Wow do I hope it becomes an “accepted school of thought,” because I don’t know how we work our way back to sane and effective parenting otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure how old your DC is, but antipsychotics have been a game changer for us. Also I recommend parent therapy with therapists who do behavioral/OCD/anxiety therapy. We did all the things you mention too and none of those worked either, but this did.

Do you mean PCIT? I’ll bring up the antipsychotics at our next appt. Did you do any psychotropic/genetic testing before selecting particular meds?

NP. PCIT is helpful, and you don’t say how old your child is, but anti-psychotics can be effective. My son was on them for years, and now late in high school has successfully weaned off of all meds. He took a combination of SSRI and anti-psychotics for 3-4 years though for mania and violence. My son has ASD, and was initially diagnosed as level 2, but a newer neuropsych says level 1. He’s also very smart, but struggles with motivation, so his grades aren’t very good.

We’re still very much in the thick of it, but from 12-14 what helped us the most (and was truly life changing) was family therapy. Individual therapy was important, but family therapy is what really changed things around because our therapist work with everyone to improve the dynamic, held all of us accountable, and heard what all of us needed.

[Anonymous]

Antipsychotics were game changers for us. Also, when SSRIs caused mania, SNRIs helped with fewer side effects (and post puberty, we tried SSRIs again, successfully this time).

Which stimulants have you tried? We tried SO MANY that exacerbated anxiety. But Azstarys, when part of a cocktail that includes antipsychotic and antianxiety, has been great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure how old your DC is, but antipsychotics have been a game changer for us. Also I recommend parent therapy with therapists who do behavioral/OCD/anxiety therapy. We did all the things you mention too and none of those worked either, but this did.

Do you mean PCIT? I’ll bring up the antipsychotics at our next appt. Did you do any psychotropic/genetic testing before selecting particular meds?

We did PMT which is similar to PCIT - more for older kids and with parents only. We did not do genetic testing before we started antipsychotics. We tried a few over a few years to get the best fit. Stay on as low a dose as you can. We later did genetic testing to find a better SSRI, but the testing was not actually helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure how old your DC is, but antipsychotics have been a game changer for us. Also I recommend parent therapy with therapists who do behavioral/OCD/anxiety therapy. We did all the things you mention too and none of those worked either, but this did.

Do you mean PCIT? I’ll bring up the antipsychotics at our next appt. Did you do any psychotropic/genetic testing before selecting particular meds?

NP. PCIT is helpful, and you don’t say how old your child is, but anti-psychotics can be effective. My son was on them for years, and now late in high school has successfully weaned off of all meds. He took a combination of SSRI and anti-psychotics for 3-4 years though for mania and violence. My son has ASD, and was initially diagnosed as level 2, but a newer neuropsych says level 1. He’s also very smart, but struggles with motivation, so his grades aren’t very good.

We’re still very much in the thick of it, but from 12-14 what helped us the most (and was truly life changing) was family therapy. Individual therapy was important, but family therapy is what really changed things around because our therapist work with everyone to improve the dynamic, held all of us accountable, and heard what all of us needed.

Who did you see for family therapy? We are doing this now and it’s going okay. I’d love to hear about family therapist who’s really helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure how old your DC is, but antipsychotics have been a game changer for us. Also I recommend parent therapy with therapists who do behavioral/OCD/anxiety therapy. We did all the things you mention too and none of those worked either, but this did.

Do you mean PCIT? I’ll bring up the antipsychotics at our next appt. Did you do any psychotropic/genetic testing before selecting particular meds?

NP. PCIT is helpful, and you don’t say how old your child is, but anti-psychotics can be effective. My son was on them for years, and now late in high school has successfully weaned off of all meds. He took a combination of SSRI and anti-psychotics for 3-4 years though for mania and violence. My son has ASD, and was initially diagnosed as level 2, but a newer neuropsych says level 1. He’s also very smart, but struggles with motivation, so his grades aren’t very good.

We’re still very much in the thick of it, but from 12-14 what helped us the most (and was truly life changing) was family therapy. Individual therapy was important, but family therapy is what really changed things around because our therapist work with everyone to improve the dynamic, held all of us accountable, and heard what all of us needed.

Who did you see for family therapy? We are doing this now and it’s going okay. I’d love to hear about family therapist who’s really helpful.

Our PDA teen ran circles around our family therapist. Eventually, we pulled the plug. But not before we got our hopes up for real change, and worked really hard to learn and change as parents, and spent a lot of money. We ended with a worse relationship with our teen than we'd had going in. Buyer beware.