Abusive coach on kids t-ball team

[Anonymous]

I am not sure how to handle this.

My youngest just started t-ball a few weeks ago. One of the coaches is very verbally abusive to his children (his small child who’s on the team and an older kid), bringing them to tears during the practices/in front of people, so I assume much worse goes on behind closed doors.

I am acutely sensitive to abusive behavior as a survivor, but I don’t think this is acceptable behavior for anyone in any context. It is not normal discipline or correction, it’s abuse.

WWYD/how would you handle?

[Anonymous]

T-ball isn't one of those kid sports where you drop off for an hour and come back later. All the parents stay and are seeing exactly the same things you are. Chances are 99% that someone else is going to jump up to be the good citizen Karen well before you.

You don't need to handle anything at all, or even need to speculate at all on what goes on in private. You would just be guessing.

If it makes you feel better, I've seen multiple parents removed from youth teams as coaches because they got way too intense. I used to get a whole page of notes 3x a week from this one coach and I thought it was a bit much. Our kids were 7.

If it's worth anything, that coach who got removed was a lawyer and his son that he yelled at went to Cornell for engineering.

[Anonymous]

As sad as it is, most mandated reporters wouldn't report for that, so I wouldn't speak up from the abuse angle.

However I would speak up to the league. As someone in league leadership in a rec league, I'd be sending an email to that coach about our code of conduct. For coaches that includes directives to be a good role model, under no circumstances use abusive language or hostile gestures, create a positive environment, etc.

But tip - when you reach out to league leadership do be kind. You have no idea how many complaints we field every season, and we're volunteers too. We're tasked with the impossible role of keeping insane adults in check, and we do try.

[Anonymous]

^^^

Me again: also if this is not the head coach, consider going to the head coach first. Don't lead from the angle of the poor coach's son. Lead from the angle of the team environment.

[Anonymous]

Agree with PP. if kids are in tears because of a coaches coaching at a young age this needs to behandled with the league

[Anonymous]

Take a video and send it to the league anonymously

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with PP. if kids are in tears because of a coaches coaching at a young age this needs to behandled with the league

It is only the coach's own kid though. Not saying that is okay, but it is not the same as random kids being in tears because of the "coaching." It is kids in tears because of the parenting. Bad parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with PP. if kids are in tears because of a coaches coaching at a young age this needs to behandled with the league

Or you just take your child out and do something else that’s actually healthy.

[Anonymous]

Suggest league leadership come watch a practice. That has been helpful in past when it was bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with PP. if kids are in tears because of a coaches coaching at a young age this needs to behandled with the league

It is only the coach's own kid though. Not saying that is okay, but it is not the same as random kids being in tears because of the "coaching." It is kids in tears because of the parenting. Bad parenting.

Yes, but it still creates an environment of fear. Who would feel comfortable around a man who makes HIS OWN kids cry regularly?

Worth a shot, though it won’t save his kids. You can call CPS if you feel strongly, though I always worry that will only make things worse at home.

[Anonymous]

Relax Karen and take a seat let daddy ball handle this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with PP. if kids are in tears because of a coaches coaching at a young age this needs to behandled with the league

It is only the coach's own kid though. Not saying that is okay, but it is not the same as random kids being in tears because of the "coaching." It is kids in tears because of the parenting. Bad parenting.

Yes, but it still creates an environment of fear. Who would feel comfortable around a man who makes HIS OWN kids cry regularly?

Worth a shot, though it won’t save his kids. You can call CPS if you feel strongly, though I always worry that will only make things worse at home.

As for your “his own kids” question, coaches are often the harshest to their own kids. Not saying it is right, but coaches being harshest on their own kid is actually pretty normal in my experience.

But there is nothing here that warrants CPS involvement. Don’t do that.

[Anonymous]

Talking to league leadership is a really good idea and I believe the appropriate level of intervention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with PP. if kids are in tears because of a coaches coaching at a young age this needs to behandled with the league

It is only the coach's own kid though. Not saying that is okay, but it is not the same as random kids being in tears because of the "coaching." It is kids in tears because of the parenting. Bad parenting.

It's a form of daddy ball. There are some coaches out there who'll say they can't be accused of daddy ball because they're toughest on their own kid. Yeah, dude. That's daddy ball too. It's a hallmark of daddy ball.

Also, it's T-ball. Relax, dude.

I'd make the league commissioner aware ASAP. Leagues generally take this stuff very seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with PP. if kids are in tears because of a coaches coaching at a young age this needs to behandled with the league

It is only the coach's own kid though. Not saying that is okay, but it is not the same as random kids being in tears because of the "coaching." It is kids in tears because of the parenting. Bad parenting.

It's a form of daddy ball. There are some coaches out there who'll say they can't be accused of daddy ball because they're toughest on their own kid. Yeah, dude. That's daddy ball too. It's a hallmark of daddy ball.

Also, it's T-ball. Relax, dude.

I'd make the league commissioner aware ASAP. Leagues generally take this stuff very seriously.

Yeah, because we know

1) it's not what we want to be known for (especially not at the little kid rec level!!)
2) it will cause families to leave
3) the only people who will stay are OK with it, which will create a spiral of behavior within the league and no commissioner wants even worse behavior than they already deal with