What helped you after loss of a parent?

[Anonymous]

I’m really struggling with getting back to my “normal” life after my dad passed. It’s been a few months and I’m just so sad. I know that time will help, but I’m looking for ideas that can at least help a little bit now. Anyone btdt and have advice for me?

[Anonymous]

Losing a parent is very hard. I lost my mother in April 2019 after a brief illness although she had been in decline. What helped me was recognizing she had an amazing, rich, full life. She said yes to everything, traveled the world, had International recognition at her job, three loving children, a stable marriage, financially stable as well. I could not imagine a better life for someone whose parents came over as impoverished immigrants. My mother grew up eating leftovers from the grocery store, in a one room house with no electricity, etc. She turned into an educated, accomplished professional with a single-family home in the DC area. I think the way to get over it is to recognize that life is wonderful and beautiful and also brief. Treasure the good times and remember your father as the powerful, loving father you remember him to be. I wish you peace. I cried a lot but eventually I just smile when I look at her things. I was just cleaning out a Le Creuset pot she left for my daughter and remembering all of the wonderful meals she cooked in it.

[Anonymous]

My husband lost his mom this year and he says it just sneaks up on him sometimes. He'll be thinking about something else and be reminded or something will happen that she would have loved to hear about and he'll be back sad again.

I think the best thing is to be patient with yourself and remember your Dad would want you out living your life. You'll always miss him, but try to keep active.

If you really feel like you’re in a rut, consider speaking to a counselor.

[Anonymous]

Time. I miss my dad and it’s been 11 years. Be kind to yourself and it will sneak up on you.

[Anonymous]

The only thing that helped me was spending time outdoors. I started doing lots of gardening and minor yard work, which my mom used to do. When grief became unbearable, I always went outside. I guess in general doing things that reminded me of her helped.

[Anonymous]

It's been almost five years since my dad died and I feel as sad about it now as I did then. I think of all the things he's missing out on now and how it's unfair that his life was cut short (cancer). I wish there was a way to "get over it" faster but if there is, I haven't found it.

My dad and I were very close, and he was very close to my husband and kids as well, so his absence from our life is a huge void. I try to focus on the things I knew were important to him and to emulate the wonderful things he did as a parent. But none of that makes me miss him less (it actually does the opposite).

I'm so sorry, OP.

[Anonymous]

Time but even then it will still sneak up on you occasionally. I found it helpful to focus grief into things to keep memories alive, like cook a meal they always made. But the transition to not being able to call them, or not seeing them, is truly hard but gets better in time. I'm so sorry for your loss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Losing a parent is very hard. I lost my mother in April 2019 after a brief illness although she had been in decline. What helped me was recognizing she had an amazing, rich, full life. She said yes to everything, traveled the world, had International recognition at her job, three loving children, a stable marriage, financially stable as well. I could not imagine a better life for someone whose parents came over as impoverished immigrants. My mother grew up eating leftovers from the grocery store, in a one room house with no electricity, etc. She turned into an educated, accomplished professional with a single-family home in the DC area. I think the way to get over it is to recognize that life is wonderful and beautiful and also brief. Treasure the good times and remember your father as the powerful, loving father you remember him to be. I wish you peace. I cried a lot but eventually I just smile when I look at her things. I was just cleaning out a Le Creuset pot she left for my daughter and remembering all of the wonderful meals she cooked in it.

Thank you for this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Time but even then it will still sneak up on you occasionally. I found it helpful to focus grief into things to keep memories alive, like cook a meal they always made. But the transition to not being able to call them, or not seeing them, is truly hard but gets better in time. I'm so sorry for your loss.

It’s this, wanting to call him and then remembering I can’t. And all he’s missing with my kids that he adored. Oof, I’m gonna take PP’s advice and get outside. Thanks all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Time. I miss my dad and it’s been 11 years. Be kind to yourself and it will sneak up on you.

+1 I lost my dad in 2005 and yes it’s a million times easier now but the sadness does sneak up sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Be the things you loved most about the ones you’ve lost. I lost my mother unexpectedly 7 years ago. It was the hardest time in my life. I still think of her all the time.

[Anonymous]

Time. My chest hurt for a year after my dad died. Just be understanding with yourself.

[Anonymous]

Spending time in the garden and planting species that my mom had in her flower beds. I feel her company and guidance when I cook, too.
Take your time, pencil your feelings, create something in your parent's honor, go for walks.

[Anonymous]

Time, I guess. My mom liked the color yellow and flowers, so when I was going to see my brother on her birthday, I brought yellow flowers to his house. Talking to people who knew her and could appreciate hearing stories about her.

[Anonymous]

I try to find ways to feel connected to her.

My mom died 10 years ago and I got sad all over again when I had my girls, who are 5 and 3. My mom loved Facebook. Recently I realized I can send messages to “her” on Facebook messenger. Her account is memorialized so they can’t be read by anyone. So I’ll send her new pics of my girls and it brings me comfort thinking I can still reach out to her in a way.

I also made my girls a photo album of her pics and they know things about her. Like my 5 year old knows that grandma liked to stop a lot and look at flowers, just like she does.