When you are burned out ….

[Anonymous]

How do you make yourself feel better?

I’m not sure this is the right spot for this topic — my kid is a mess (dyslexic, dysgraphic, ADHD, slogging through freshman year, so much teen attitude).

I am married to a great guy. I work full time in a fairly demanding job thabibjsed to enjoy but it is hell right now (lucky to have it but frankly, wish I could quit and yes I realize how awful that sounds — it’s that bad). My mom is elderly, sickly and starting to lose it. I also have a disabled brother who needs help with his care. It’s a lot and I am tired.

I’ve thought about getting a hotel room for the night just for the peace and quiet but hate to spend the money. But I need something to change. I feel like I’m losing my mind being a caretaker for so many and running from one thing to the next, never stopping to take care of me.

Any suggestions? Every time I take a day off work, I pay for it in spades.

[Anonymous]

Can you let go of one thing? then reassess, and see if you can let go of one more thing.
Can you make time for yourself everyday for twenty minutes? To go for walk, to meditate, to just be quiet…..

[Anonymous]

I have similar problems and not great solutions.

But I find watching a funny movie or comedy special more of a break than any "empty your mind" / "calm down" type activities.

Also I find sitting in sunshine for a few minutes in a nice environment to be something I don't do enough of. How about a cafe lunch. Or a backyard break.

Good luck with your teen. Mine is having an unfortunate junior year meltdown.

[Anonymous]

If you mean of high school then you should be sending him/her to a week or two of sleepaway camp. I live for those breaks.

[Anonymous]

I need something on the calendar - for me it’s a dance class. But if it’s not part of the routine it never actually happens or is too much stress to arrange.

And sometimes I will call in “sick” from work and then actually not work for a day. I am incredibly busy at work (our office has lost half our staff since January 2025), but too !$&@ bad. It is one day, and if that one day keep me from leaving, then it’s a good investment.

[Anonymous]

I did get a hotel room once in the fall for all of the reasons you describe. It was local and inexpensive at a decent place. I looked and the rates were inexpensive for that weekend. It’s a topic we talk about at work and many women in our late 40s or 50s have done this at some point. One says she does it a few times per year.

I eat pretty healthy and last night for dinner I ate brownies. Just me. It made me happy. That’s something I never do. The rest of the family had a normal meal.

[Anonymous]

Big solutions and small stress management tools.

Re: Big Solutions. You cannot be everyone's caregiver. If there is money to outsource to a care manager for mom, consider it. Find out what services your brother qualifies for with his disability. None of this is abandonment (as my mother would claim). You still visit, but you put your teen, yourself and your marriage before them. If there is backlash you remind yourself, if you end with a life-threatening illness you can't help anyone at all.

I do the typical little things often suggested for stress like exercise, outdoor time, etc., but before I came up with big sustainable solutions I was miserable, catching every virus and finding out about new health issues.

One thing that the backlash from outsourcing did was remove my guilt. The lack of empathy, dehumanization and entitlement showed me as well as the lack of gratitude for what I had done for years (for free) spoke volumes. I also remind myself I am mother before I am an adult daughter.

[Anonymous]

Is your brother in a placement, or is he living alone or with your mother?

Is there any planning that can be done now to take some of the hands-on caregiving off your plate down the line? And boundaries that can be set? Because it’s true that if you run yourself to the ground, you won’t be able to take care of anyone.

If a hotel for a night here and there would ease your stress, it’s worth every penny. And it’ll be something to look forward to. I actually like the Comfort Inns and Holiday Inns - they are comfy and reasonably priced.