At what age do you stop going into the room at a doctor's visit?

[Anonymous]

As I'm making my kids' appointments, it just occurred to me that I have no idea when I'm supposed to stop going to the exam room with my kids. They are 13 and 11, and are the oldest kids in our friend group. I can't remember when my mom stopped. If I don't go back when they call them, will I get a chance to ask a couple of quick questions?

I feel so clueless-thanks for any help!

[Anonymous]

I would go in until my kids asked me not to. Especially given all we know now about abuse in medical settings, you honestly cannot be too careful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would go in until my kids asked me not to. Especially given all we know now about abuse in medical settings, you honestly cannot be too careful.

This, though if my kid at some point wanted me to step out of the room I'd be willing to do that starting around 12 or so. That way the kid has freedom to talk.

[Anonymous]

The doctor will usually tell you. For my kids in DC, it was age 15, although I think kids are given the option at 14 to start.

[Anonymous]

I think I'd start leaving the room for a short time and giving them a chance to ask the doctor any personal questions about their body that they didn't want me to hear at the start of puberty. Just for like 3-5 mins.

Not going in at all? Prob 15 or 16 (assuming no major complex health problems).

[Anonymous]

My oldest has autism; I've been in the room when he was 18 and 19. Now he's 20 and handles the check-ups and shots by himself. My second is 15, and has a chronic illness, so I'm also in the room for the well visit, and both my husband and I attend her specialists' visits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I'd start leaving the room for a short time and giving them a chance to ask the doctor any personal questions about their body that they didn't want me to hear at the start of puberty. Just for like 3-5 mins.

Not going in at all? Prob 15 or 16 (assuming no major complex health problems).

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would go in until my kids asked me not to. Especially given all we know now about abuse in medical settings, you honestly cannot be too careful.

Well, but careful works both ways. If your kid wants to start a conversation about birth control, or STD testing, or has some embarrassing body question they don't want their mom to hear, they may not speak up proactively. "Mom, can you leave the room for a few minutes?" "Why?" "Uhhhh...." They may not be willing to do that and risk getting the third degree. I want to be careful to ensure that my kid has the opportunity to get the healthcare they need even if it's embarrassing.

I also want to be careful to empower my kid to take care of her own body. We teach about consent from a very young age. "You're in charge of your body." Part of that is teaching your kid to take charge of caring for his or her body, and that includes being able to handle a doctor's visit solo.

Being "careful" doesn't always mean "keeping my child in my sight and under my control all the time" - you're raising an adult, and you're not going to be with them at the doctor when they're 22, and you need to prepare them to handle their own lives. It's a balance.

[Anonymous]

2 sons here. Around the age of 13, I would be in the examining room for the first part of the exam, and then, the doctor would ask me to step out. My kids told me he spoke about drugs and being safe(drugs, bike helmets,vaping, etc) and if they had any questions. This mini meeting was about 5 minutes. I wasn’t worried about abuse, my kids weren’t little at the point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would go in until my kids asked me not to. Especially given all we know now about abuse in medical settings, you honestly cannot be too careful.

Disagree. Most abuse is caused by family members. The more people there are in the room, the higher the chance one of them will be a pedo.

[Anonymous]

I started asking my kids around 13 if they wanted me in the room with them. One said no around that time. One said “why wouldn’t you be in the room?” all through HS.

[Anonymous]

18, or when they ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would go in until my kids asked me not to. Especially given all we know now about abuse in medical settings, you honestly cannot be too careful.

Disagree. Most abuse is caused by family members. The more people there are in the room, the higher the chance one of them will be a pedo.

I went to the ER for stomach pains in college and the doctors insisted on doing a breast exam. Not true at all. I just was too out of it to say no and wasn't thinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:2 sons here. Around the age of 13, I would be in the examining room for the first part of the exam, and then, the doctor would ask me to step out. My kids told me he spoke about drugs and being safe(drugs, bike helmets,vaping, etc) and if they had any questions. This mini meeting was about 5 minutes. I wasn’t worried about abuse, my kids weren’t little at the point.

Yup, we started the brief step out at 13 with my daughter and son. The quick check of privates is done with me in the room but with a sheet covering them. I was still in the room for most of DS's visit at 15. We will see what happens at 16th visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would go in until my kids asked me not to. Especially given all we know now about abuse in medical settings, you honestly cannot be too careful.

Here's your answer. I went to the doctor by myself at 16, and he assaulted me.