Worried about my 70 yo single neighbor diagnosed with Parkinson’s

[Anonymous]

We are on good terms and chat about once a week, sometimes I help her with some things like neighbors do.
She is not in great shape, still works as a live in caregiver (so it’s not really her house and she is supposed to leave once her charge passes away), and her family is on another continent.

She told me she was diagnosed with Parkinson’s and she just brushes it off like it’s no biggie. She does take the pills but she is dragging her feet in scheduling the brain scan that’s supposed to confirm the diagnosis.

I am worried she has no one here who is willing to take on her care. To be completely honest I don’t want to be “it” even though she does have some sort of friends.

She isn’t making any plans. She doesn’t even have a follow up appointment with the dr who diagnosed her.

Is there anything I can tell her that would help her in her care? I only did some basic research and looks like she’ll need PT, and that her condition can become way worse in about 5 years even despite pills.

Ideally I think she should go back to her family and settle there before she becomes disabled, but she seems to have some fantasies about how she’ll get a section 8 apartment and how she will retire after her charge passes away (she may decline way before then, imho). She also says she’ll hire care but who is going to oversee her care if she has no family around?
Honestly it’s like watching a train wreck.
Or maybe I’m catastrophizing?

[Anonymous]

I get it. Yeah. There is no safety net. Everyone thinks there is a safety net until you watch your healthy friend become disabled for life and realize we got nothing.

[Anonymous]

I don’t really think there’s anything you can do here. You aren’t close enough to her to be this involved in such intensely personal and frankly awful decisions. Her real long term plan might be a bottle of pills and a warm bath, and she might not want to tell you that. You don’t know what her family back home is like — maybe returning to them as a disabled person would be worse than death. She’s probably just trying to do as well as she can as long as she can. That’s what we all do.

[Anonymous]

It's kind of you to want to help her. It sounds like you guys aren't super close, so she may not want to confider her worst fears in you. It sounds like she does have some options, main one being returning to her country, and the other one she is likely part of a network of friends who are also caregivers and can help her figure something out. They tend to be older women so she probably is not the first in the group who had to navigate serious health problems and the welfare system.

[Anonymous]

Ask her for the contact info for her family, just in case she is so bad off that she can't contact them herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t really think there’s anything you can do here. You aren’t close enough to her to be this involved in such intensely personal and frankly awful decisions. Her real long term plan might be a bottle of pills and a warm bath, and she might not want to tell you that. You don’t know what her family back home is like — maybe returning to them as a disabled person would be worse than death. She’s probably just trying to do as well as she can as long as she can. That’s what we all do.

How can I become less emotionally involved in all this?
Frankly I’m scared that when something happens, someone will find me and inform me and I’ll have no choice but to deal with it somehow

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's kind of you to want to help her. It sounds like you guys aren't super close, so she may not want to confider her worst fears in you. It sounds like she does have some options, main one being returning to her country, and the other one she is likely part of a network of friends who are also caregivers and can help her figure something out. They tend to be older women so she probably is not the first in the group who had to navigate serious health problems and the welfare system.

I don’t know how close she is with other friends but it seems like not really. Maybe they’ll rise to the occasion but who knows

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask her for the contact info for her family, just in case she is so bad off that she can't contact them herself.

Yeah I have some phone numbers but they can’t get here anyway due to visa issues

[Anonymous]

Is there anything I can tell her about Parkinson’s specifically? Like should I insist she has her scan? Should I insist she goes back to the dr for follow up? How come he didn’t even schedule another appointment?
There may have been some language issues but they could get an interpreter!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there anything I can tell her about Parkinson’s specifically? Like should I insist she has her scan? Should I insist she goes back to the dr for follow up? How come he didn’t even schedule another appointment?
There may have been some language issues but they could get an interpreter!

Is she on medicare or something? The scan is probably expensive, maybe she has no insurance. Even copays can be a couple hundred for certain things.

[Anonymous]

Please at the least let her know that there is no section 8 apt out there for her- the wait lists are around 3-5 years minimum and that's if you qualify. Maybe knowing this will spur her to get treatment now before the disease progresses?

[Anonymous]

My MIL has been living with Parkinson's for 30 years and still has a lot of mental acuity. She had a good 10 years before she needed any sort of help around the house. She had a pacemaker put in, for heart issues unrelated to the Parkinson's, and now at 90 she regrets it because she's now going to die of Parkinson's, not heart failure.

All this to say... your friend might well die of something else before her Parkinson's gives her real trouble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there anything I can tell her about Parkinson’s specifically? Like should I insist she has her scan? Should I insist she goes back to the dr for follow up? How come he didn’t even schedule another appointment?
There may have been some language issues but they could get an interpreter!

Is she on medicare or something? The scan is probably expensive, maybe she has no insurance. Even copays can be a couple hundred for certain things.

She has a pretty good insurance and she has money, that one I know. It’s not money; it’s like she wants to pretend there’s nothing wrong

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please at the least let her know that there is no section 8 apt out there for her- the wait lists are around 3-5 years minimum and that's if you qualify. Maybe knowing this will spur her to get treatment now before the disease progresses?

She is on some list and there’s nothing I can say that will dissuade her!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL has been living with Parkinson's for 30 years and still has a lot of mental acuity. She had a good 10 years before she needed any sort of help around the house. She had a pacemaker put in, for heart issues unrelated to the Parkinson's, and now at 90 she regrets it because she's now going to die of Parkinson's, not heart failure.

All this to say... your friend might well die of something else before her Parkinson's gives her real trouble.

Okay, thank you! Yes, putting in that pacemaker was not a great idea, I agree with your MIL!