"Always the second choice."

[Anonymous]

How do you deal with this feeling by your DC (mine is now 18). DC is def a group floater, generally, but has a close group of friends at home (all at diff colleges). DC has some social anxiety, which isn't helping, and is not typical in the sense of not outgoing party person.

DC had a significant other for about 6 mos. in HS but that was pretty light. And since then hasn't really dated (which I'm fine with but a recent "thing" that fizzled now is leading to "I'm going to die alone" and "I'm always the second choice" type comments.

I'm trying to provide encouragement w/o making DC feel like there is any kind of problem here. I don't believe there is. But I get incredibly sad when DC says things like this.

I don't know what to do.

[Anonymous]

I have an high-functioning autistic young adult who isn't even that. DS has zero friends. None at all. I would be thrilled if my son could float between friend groups.

Anyway. I think you should suggest therapy, to explore his feelings and maybe address core reasons as to why he doesn't have stronger relationships. It's hard to tell what's in his head and what's actual issues, honestly. Some people, on the spectrum or not, need explicit instructions on how to maintain relationships. Perhaps you can start with that.

[Anonymous]

This is tough. I’d focus on the + she has going on.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a self esteem issue rather than a dating issue. Agree with pp that therapy might be helpful.

[Anonymous]

That sounds like normal teen drama and catastrophizing to me.

[Anonymous]

All the women posting here go for the alpha male, though. So how much does your advice really matter? Have him talk to a man about it. Someone who actually understands. A woman cannot understand. I'm a woman, btw.

[Anonymous]

A lot of kids and young adults (and even older adults) feel like they are the odd one out, or the only one who x, y, or z or how everyone else is x, y, or z but me. It is a very normal human experience. Even most people with confidence aren't confident across the board. Life is awkward!

Share this report with him so he can see how 20,000 students respond

https://www.acha.org/wp-content/uploads/NCHA-IIIb_FALL_2025_REFERENCE_GROUP_DATA_REPORT.pdf

[Anonymous]

has a close group of friends at home (all at diff colleges)

I'm not understanding this. Shouldn't she be in college? She should be away at college. Because, generally Op, you know too much. This is the time of their lives when they are confiding in friends. They are forced to because you aren't around. She needs to be mixing with her peers more, whatever the closeness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

has a close group of friends at home (all at diff colleges)

I'm not understanding this. Shouldn't she be in college? She should be away at college. Because, generally Op, you know too much. This is the time of their lives when they are confiding in friends. They are forced to because you aren't around. She needs to be mixing with her peers more, whatever the closeness.

What's not to understand? DC is IN COLLEGE. Not at the same one as her close HS friends. And DC does "mix with peers" and "confide" in the ones there. But, 1 is in a serious relationship and DC feels like the odd man out there. The others are either older (seniors on their way out) or are the party/drinking types (not a judgment, just what it is) and DC is not. So some is maybe not getting asked to do SOME things and some of it just not doing it b/c of lack of interest in drinking.

DC and I are close so we talk as well. And I'm not asking for your judgment about how much I know. SAnd I"m quite sure there is more happening that I don't hear about. That ok with you now?

[Anonymous]

.... ok

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All the women posting here go for the alpha male, though. So how much does your advice really matter? Have him talk to a man about it. Someone who actually understands. A woman cannot understand. I'm a woman, btw.

Pushing toxic redpill advice and telling young people not to listen to women, ever, is an even more surefire way for them to repel potential mates and end up alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All the women posting here go for the alpha male, though. So how much does your advice really matter? Have him talk to a man about it. Someone who actually understands. A woman cannot understand. I'm a woman, btw.

Um, I don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All the women posting here go for the alpha male, though. So how much does your advice really matter? Have him talk to a man about it. Someone who actually understands. A woman cannot understand. I'm a woman, btw.

What the ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the women posting here go for the alpha male, though. So how much does your advice really matter? Have him talk to a man about it. Someone who actually understands. A woman cannot understand. I'm a woman, btw.

Um, I don't.

+1 never have, nor does my DD

[Anonymous]

I’m confused. Is DC a man or a woman or neither or both?