Everything for my teen is a mental health diagnosis
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Anonymous
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My 13 year old daughter has anxiety and OCD. She has been seeing a therapist for 6+ months and the therapist understands her treatment to be going well, and that her OCD was never severe (she actually has very few rituals) and that it was more the form her anxiety started taking (I'm not minimizing the OCD, just making clear that its not very disabling for her). Her therapist has also said that she doesn't think a diagnosis of depression is appropriate, even though the anxiety was causing some suicidal ideation. She thinks the occasional suicidal thoughts are more the result of being stuck in an OCD thinking loop, and that makes sense to me as well. Mostly my daughter is highly functional, a good student, a great athlete, and a kind individual with friends who like her.
However. My daughter has told all her friends that she suffers from "severe" depression and "severe" OCD. If she is rude to me or her siblings and I call her out on it (calmly saying, "hey, try again - that was a bit rude") etc, she claims she was having a panic attack and that she "can't control it." She also now says she doesn't understand ANYTHING we say to her, and she claims its because she's autistic (she has been evaluated, and shows no signs). She will text her friends that I tell her she's awful and that I don't understand her mental health conditions. This is all devastating to me. I have struggled with anxiety and OCD as well as depression in the past, and I have the utmost respect for the seriousness of these issues. I also know that therapy (and medication) can help (and is helping). But it's so hurtful to know she's texting her friends about me in this way - and I'm sure THEIR moms read their texts as well. She is also changing schools next year, which was entirely her choice, because she doesn't like her current school socially and it's not academically challenging. But she's telling her friends I'm forcing her to leave because of her mental health issues. I'm pretty sure I'm just supposed to suck it up and not care what she says to her friends. Because apparently we live in a world where it's more socially acceptable to have mental health issues than to say you simply want to leave your school. But I'm struggling with how to respond when she claims any and all misbehavior is the result of a panic attack / OCD / autism. Or how to get her to stop using her mental health issues as an excuse for everything. I was prepared to have a teenager and be the "mean parent" at times. I was NOT prepared to have all these diagnoses - some valid, some not - thrown in my face every time I try to correct her behavior. Advice? Support? |
Anonymous
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Is she on social media?
A lot of shorts now have a - if you have ever done this (some normal human thing) then you have x diagnosis. And the comments are filled with kids saying oh I do that. TikTok autism is very real. Same with ADHD, OCD, etc |
Anonymous
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If you are reading this stuff on her social media or in texts you cant be mad about it
I read my 13yos texts about once a week, just to do a check in. She has spoken to one friend in particular about how i was mean, or how I yelled at her, or was mad, etc I know I wasnt and its upsetting to read BUT this is normal teen behavior. If you read stuff not for you, or listen to conversations not for you, youre going to hear things you dont like. |
Anonymous
OP here. She doesn't have a phone but has access to You Tube on her iPad. And I've seen that she does look at a lot of videos featuring this stuff. I don't know about taking it away, because she also looks at a lot of innocent or educational things on You Tube as well. WTF are parents supposed to do about kids self-diagnosing and then BEHAVING as if they have these diagnoses and BLAMING everything they do on them? |
Anonymous
Yeah. This generation have tons of mental health diagnoses. I think most are not valid. But it plays money to a lot of people (Dr, therapist, pharmacy, psychiatrist, etc). |
Anonymous
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Learned helplessness, weaponized.
All too common these days, unfortunately. A big reason why is SM, especially TikTok. And a big reason why this is happening on SM is because you can market to it/ at it. |
Anonymous
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This is peak middle school for the 2020s. If it’s not self diagnosed mental illness, it’s gender issues. Most of this resolves by early high school as these kids move on to dating and partying for thrills, until then it’s just a way to get attention and “bond” with her friends, who are all probably participating in this circle jerk.
Try to take what she says with a grain of salt. Only read texts for true dangerous behavior. The exaggerated stories are likely not how she feels about you, but getting attention from others. I suggest you not feed into this. When she tries to blame her behavior on a mental illness, crack a joke - ignore it completely - or call her on it. Whatever feels appropriate in the moment. |
Anonymous
| It’s common for girls who have OCD and anxiety and ADHD to get later diagnosed with autism. It presents much differently in girls than boys, especially those who are able to mask well in social situations. All that to say, your daughter is probably being fed all sorts of social media content about girls on the spectrum Given her other diagnoses. |
Anonymous
This although admittedly it’s a fine line to walk. DD has issues with depression and is socially awkward. She got wrapped up in all the identity analysis school/internet pushed at her during the height of puberty and that continues to fuel a victim mentality. We’ve been walking on eggshells for years and I don’t see an end to it, unfortunately. |
Anonymous
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I say things like “I know this is hard for you so what would help you succeed? Because you need to do X today, so let’s talk about strategies.”
It validates that whatever is real but moves into “given that, what’s your plan?” It works sometimes. |
Anonymous
NP-It is so harmful. My dcs (young adults) have both told me stuff like that I know they are pulling from social media. I'm like no, we don't need to pathologize washing your hands well after handling raw chicken, yes, it is normal to check if appliances are off before leaving the house. |
Anonymous
| Family therapy may help you, OP. My child had very different issues, and individual therapy was helpful for him in some ways, but family therapy really improved the family dynamics and held him (and the parents! it's not one way ever) accountable for each of our parts in the dynamic and in addressing it. |
Anonymous
| A diagnosis is not an excuse. |
Anonymous
| She is telling her friends you made her switch because that's easier than telling friends it was her decision to leave them. This one you suck it up and let her have this out with her friends |