5th grade girl who still has not really found her 'thing'?

[Anonymous]

Just wondering if anyone else has had a daughter like this around age 10. It seems like so many girls by 5th grade already have their sport or activity and mine just...doesn't really.

She has tried a few things but nothing has really clicked. It is not that she cannot do them, it just never seems to turn into something she actually wants to stick with. Honestly she just does not seem all that motivated.

I am not trying to force some huge passion or turn her into a super athlete. I just would love for her to find something she enjoys and feels good at, more for confidence and just having something besides school and screens. I signed her up for a spring sport (with some friends) that starts next week and this morning she told me she doesn't want to do it anymore.

Did anyone else have a girl like this in late elem who found her thing a little later? What helped? More exposure, more consistency, taking a break, just waiting it out?

Would especially love to hear positive stories because I am trying not to make this into a bigger thing than it is.

[Anonymous]

My son didn't find his "thing" until 9th grade. Some kids just take longer.

[Anonymous]

My daughter was like this too. We made her finish whatever classes/sport she was signed up for, but I'm not going to force any one activity.


Finally she found cheer/tumbling in middle school, and she did stick with that.

[Anonymous]

My first kid tried lots of different activities - soccer, acting, horseback riding and finally dance when she was 10. Dance became her thing. My younger kid doesn’t exactly have a thing - but acting, drawing, dance and baking are some interests. They both play instruments through public school and they both love sleepaway camp. No intense focus. It doesn’t seem necessary. I was a super shy - try nothing - mostly read books kind of a kid, so watching my kids try things and hang out with friends makes me so happy. It’s ok - I don’t really believe kids have to find their thing.

[Anonymous]

This is about you, OP. Trying to make your DD reflect you so you can conquer the discomfort you feel around other parents. Let your kid run her own race and you runs yours.

[Anonymous]

It's fine. But don't let her have lots of screen time. Reading books can be her thing. And you can certainly require an instrument and chores. Being handy around the house is an excellent thing to learn at this age.

Mine was like this and then very suddenly became quite sporty when she was 12.

[Anonymous]

What's wrong with being good at academic subjects? A good brain is what will carry you through life. And I assure you half the kids in soccer and piano hate it but have no choice because their parents are obsessed with checking boxes.

[Anonymous]

Some people never have "a thing". I didn't, maybe I found something at 34 YO but who knows how long it will last (it's been 5 years)

[Anonymous]

I have no idea why we expect kids to find their "thing" bu age 10 or 11. They have hardly been exposed to any of the choices! They aren't even old enough for some of them! Just relax, and encourage your kid to try different things -- maybe try dance one season (jazz, tap, hip-hop, whatever), a martial art, chorus, an instrument, drawing, creative writing, different school clubs, etc. See what's fun, what clicks, what's interesting, but no need to get invested in one thing just for the sake of being invested. At this age, I think it's better for kids to be trying new things and exploring.

[Anonymous]

There are so many things she hasn't tried yet! It's ok for her to keep trying new things until she finds something she wants to stick with...and if she never does, she can be an adult who is always trying new things, which is great too!

[Anonymous]

Ain’t no thing but a chicken wing

[Anonymous]

My dds did not find their "things" until middle school, and for my younger dd (still in middle school), school and friends are still her main things. She has other activities she enjoys too (a couple rec sports, band instrument, etc.), just not "passions" per se.

[Anonymous]

She doesn’t need a thing. But she doesn’t need screens. They are the easiest endorphins and super addicting and will beat anything. Books, art classes, sewing, rock climbing, theater camp etc. This is the time to try lots of stuff and find people that she likes. It’s often not just the activity but the coach and the kids.

[Anonymous]

Most kids don’t really have a passion. They either enjoy activities or hate the ones their parents pick. 75% of kids in elementary school sports quit by middle school.

If you aren’t working it’s a perfect age to do fun activities with her. Bring her to professional performances and kids performances in classical music, musical theatre, plays. Cultural events. There are open yoga or Pilates classes that kids can go with adults.

[Anonymous]

Do not believe that most other kids have found a passion. Most of them try different things, and their parents keep encouraging the activity they're best at or like better, and the kids just go along with it. That's all.

My daughter started an instrument very young, and tried multiple sports and other activities. The one she was best at was the instrument, and since we kept paying for quality lessons, a great instrument, youth orchestras and encouraged her to do competitions, etc... that has become her "thing".

Does she love it? No! She's fine with it. Big difference. Does she love classical music? She does. Does she enjoy practicing? Of course not. No one, including professional musicians, like to practice. She recently attended a talk with Itzhac Perlman, the famous violinist, during which he shared that he still hated to practice...

But, like any other activity developed to a high level of proficiency, it has taught her work ethic, resilience, teamwork (in orchestra and chamber music), and leadership skills (she's concertmaster of her orchestra). And... a lifelong appreciation for music, which is wonderful.