Irritability phase
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Anonymous
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Currently spouse and I are in a phase where we both just seem to be generally annoyed by the other. We are both easily irritated by the other and bicker. It just isn't enjoyable. We have talked about it but neither of us really know why and nothing major has happened or changed. We have tried to hit the reset button but then it feels like we are being inauthentically polite and within a couple days it falls back into annoyed, irritable, and frustrated. We both have some stressors currently in our lives but we have had stress before and it hasn't fallen into this pattern. It just feels like we are pulling away from each other.
Anyone else go thought this kind of phase and find a way through this? |
Anonymous
| Hit the sheets. |
Anonymous
| When this happened with us, it was a reflection of me having mood issues, not the relationship. When I got some help for that, things went back to our baseline of happy and affectionate. I mean -- he annoys me at times lol, he's my DH, and I'm sure vice versa, but it's not an everyday thing anymore. |
Anonymous
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This was the first sign that my exDH had discontinued his medication without his doctor’s guidance and was not using his CPAP for sleep apnea on extensive work travel.
Maybe there is a mental health or physical explanation? |
Anonymous
OP here. This could be partially it. I have been in a pretty unhappy / sad mood and I keep that to myself. It has nothing to do with him and he can't fix it and since I am already irritable (as is he), it isn't something I am talking to him about or want to. Maybe it is just more a reflection of my underlying mood right now. But he seems as irritable as I am! As for in the sheets, we are still having sex on a reasonably regular basis but there isn't really any true intimacy or emotional aspect to it. |
Anonymous
| are you spending too much time together? |
Anonymous
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We are also in this phase now but it is definitely linked to specific stressors in our life.
The way we usually deal with this is by being intentionally kind to each other and building more down time into our schedule. DH's kind acts towards me are things like making my tea in the morning, picking up a chocolate treat at the grocery store, or taking our DC to the playground in the evening so I can have time in the house alone (I really, really need alone time when stressed). My kind acts for him are putting his clean clothes away for him instead of leaving them for him to deal with, taking our DC to swim on Saturdays so he can take a bike ride (getting out on his bike is one of the best things he can do when he's stressed), or suggesting takeout on one of his cooking nights to give him a break. |
Anonymous
| Be unconditionally kind to him and experience the difference. |
Anonymous
So no CPAP because affair? |
Anonymous
| Just for some context - - how long have you two been married for? |
Anonymous
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I don't know, but I might have to seek a divorce because of the way my husband chews.
https://youtube.com/shorts/Pmh0vlkrCIY?si=2Kd66FeFZ2kyLdcr |
Anonymous
The Cape Cod sweatshirt in Pink 🤣 |
Anonymous
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Married 20 years. Went through one 18 month period years ago where we were probably irritated more than we weren’t. We got through it.
A lot is just accepting that you each “are who you are” assuming there isn’t anything toxic going on. Like, I’m just never going to remember to put my shoes away in the closet. And my husband is going to ask me where dance pick up is virtually every week even though she has been going there for three years. C’est la vie. But overall, we function as partners and each bring a lot to the table that is good. No need to be so irritated by the little things — focus on the big picture. |
Anonymous
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Before you or DH open your mouth, whatever you are commenting on, has it already happened? If it's happened already, it's in the past. Don't comment. If you have a suggestion, mention only if you can in-the-moment before it happens again.
Pay attention to how much time you're spending together. Too much? Earbuds for more alone time even if you are together. Or get thee out of the house. Each of you should have the house, some, to yourselves. Not enough time together. Fix that. Be closer, sit closer, touch more. Don't have a To-Do list for each other. Consider that any two people, any two people are unlikely to agree on what is "necessary" Simplify your life Are there kids? If so, kids do not get to dictate the family calendar. If their activities can't be fit-in easily for the family as a whole, they don't get to do them. |
Anonymous
| Couples therapy will help with this. |