Police brushed this off. Am I crazy for thinking it’s a big deal?

[Anonymous]

I’m hoping for a sanity check from other parents because I’m feeling a little crazy right now.

I found out that DC's (15) other parent gave them a cart (marijuana vape). A younger sibling also mentioned that during the same interaction the other parent offered DC a gun. I obviously wasn’t there, so I only know what the kids reported, but DC did confirm the cart. DC denies the gun, and I've searched and haven't found one.

For context, the other parent currently only has phone contact with the kids due to a prior court order. DC went out of their way to meet up with them anyway, and that’s when this apparently happened.

I was honestly shocked and really upset. Giving a minor marijuana feels like a huge deal to me. I contacted the police because I thought supplying marijuana to a minor was illegal, but the response I got felt pretty dismissive and nothing seems to be happening. DC has court ordered to be sober and not use drugs from past run ins with the law, and has a diagnosis of substance abuse disorder from multiple psychiatrists. And then the possibility of a gun. The police can't/won't do anything unless DC comes home with the weapon, and I can't get a protective order based on the information passed on to me from the sibling, again, unless I find the gun in DC's possession.

Based on the lack of follow up with the police, I’m second-guessing myself and wondering if I’m overreacting. Is this actually as serious as it feels to me? Would other parents be alarmed by this, or is this something people would just handle privately as a parenting judgment issue? I feel like I'm going crazy here.

I’m genuinely just looking for a pulse check from other parents. If this happened with your teenager, how concerned would you be and what would you do?

[Anonymous]

Both DC managed to meet up with other parent - younger one as well? Was younger one present and saw this in person?

I don't think the marijuana is as big of an issue as the gun. Teens who want to are going to smoke pot. Clearly other parent is a bad influence but as teens get older, there are a limited number of ways you can stop them from smoking pot.

I would be concerned about the younger sibling (not sure how much younger) also now getting involved.

A 15 possibly having a gun - I would rip the house apart and not let that go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Both DC managed to meet up with other parent - younger one as well? Was younger one present and saw this in person?

I don't think the marijuana is as big of an issue as the gun. Teens who want to are going to smoke pot. Clearly other parent is a bad influence but as teens get older, there are a limited number of ways you can stop them from smoking pot.

I would be concerned about the younger sibling (not sure how much younger) also now getting involved.

A 15 possibly having a gun - I would rip the house apart and not let that go.

The OP said DC has court order to not use drugs due to past run-ins with the law and has been diagnosed with substance abuse disorder. The marijuana seems like a big deal given the circumstances. The gun is worse, of course. OP, what are you doing to get DC the help they need for the substance abuse/risky behavior?

[Anonymous]

Uh, yeah that's a huge deal. Do you have a lawyer? I would consider reporting the other parent to CPS to have a record of this but it would be ideal to discuss with a lawyer.

[Anonymous]

The marijuana is not a big deal, because cops are stretched thin and can't deal with technically illegal stuff that's not a present and immediate danger.

The gun thing would be extraordinarily significant to police if there had been an actual gun recovered! Since there wasn't, the story will as well be fabricated. They have no evidence, OP.

So of course they brushed you off. You need to contact police with EVIDENCE. Emails, texts, voicemails, videos, or actual weapons.

[Anonymous]

That seems like a big deal when you are talking about an adult providing to a minor. In what world would police ignore such a thing? I would have been speechless in your shoes. I would make a CPS report.

[Anonymous]

It is a big deal however I have had friends and relatives who are very casual about pot. Most of them are failsons but a few are successful professionals.

If your ex is a loser with a substance abuse problem you aren't going to be able to convince that person that pot is bad.

You need to keep working on making sure your kids understand and believe in the bad consequences of drug use.

If you know of believable, true consequences that people have faced due to drugs now is the time to start talking about it.

I talked a lot to my kids about drunk driving and college boys dying from alcohol-induced injuries. My uncle almost died in his 20s due to being a passenger in a car driven by a drunk driver and the driver did die.

I would be more likely to involve custody service people than the police. I see why the police didn't get involved. The problem is too common. It's very easy for kids to get pot and pot products now that pot is legal for adults. Especially from older siblings. And honestly most people who think pot is fine for grownups aren't bothered about teens having some access. It's pretty distressing.

[Anonymous]

I would get focused on why both kids met up with dad. And I would potentially consider some supervised visits if that scratched their itch and kept them from sneaking around.

And yes, I would be totally freaking out about both these things. But your best bet is to focus on your kids and how to work with them. Do you think your 15 year old would have taken a gun just because it was offered? If so, start there with the conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Both DC managed to meet up with other parent - younger one as well? Was younger one present and saw this in person?

I don't think the marijuana is as big of an issue as the gun. Teens who want to are going to smoke pot. Clearly other parent is a bad influence but as teens get older, there are a limited number of ways you can stop them from smoking pot.

I would be concerned about the younger sibling (not sure how much younger) also now getting involved.

A 15 possibly having a gun - I would rip the house apart and not let that go.

The OP said DC has court order to not use drugs due to past run-ins with the law and has been diagnosed with substance abuse disorder. The marijuana seems like a big deal given the circumstances. The gun is worse, of course. OP, what are you doing to get DC the help they need for the substance abuse/risky behavior?

The kid has much bigger issues than the pot. As you can see the police (the law) don't care about the pot. He is 15 with a criminal history, a substance use disorder which I am sure is for more than pot, a dad who potentially is giving him a gun, sneaking around and bringing younger sibling with him...

[Anonymous]

Police are reactive, not proactive. Go through family court and CPS.

[Anonymous]

OP! This is a big deal. While pot is now legal for people over 21, it is not legal under 21 and it is definitely a bad idea for a kid who is court-ordered to be sober.

Is DC in school? What is your relationship like with him? IS he getting substance use treatment? Does he have a good relationship with the psychiatrist and is medication suggested? Lots of people medicate mental health or trauma with substance use when psychiatrically supervised Rx meds and therapy would be a healthier response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The marijuana is not a big deal, because cops are stretched thin and can't deal with technically illegal stuff that's not a present and immediate danger.

The gun thing would be extraordinarily significant to police if there had been an actual gun recovered! Since there wasn't, the story will as well be fabricated. They have no evidence, OP.

So of course they brushed you off. You need to contact police with EVIDENCE. Emails, texts, voicemails, videos, or actual weapons.

As a parent I agree it’s a big deal. But I think this PP is correct. There is no evidence of a gun. And the police aren’t going to get involved with a parent giving their own child marijuana anymore than they would care about a beer.

OP, you need to find the right professionals to help you. Have you contacted the court that is monitoring his sobriety? I’d also be terribly worried if I thought it was possible that one of my kids had a gun.

[Anonymous]

Where were you and why aren’t you supervising your kids?

[Anonymous]

Is the other parent on probation or parole? Time to have a chat with their PO if they are