Friendship issue for 14 yo AuDHD boy

[Anonymous]

My son has 2 good friends. One is another boy with high functioning autism. And another is a neighbor he’s been friends with since preschool who
Maybe had adhd but has not been diagnosed.

The neighbor has made friends with another boy from school. This new friends and my ds do not get along. The new friend is openly mean to my ds abs calls him annoying. I’ve told ds to just hang out with his old friend without new friend around.

Today, he called me and said he wanted to walk home from school with both of the other boys and go to old friend”s house. He called me an hour later, upset, because both boys were being really mean to him.

I am upset because the old friend is nice to him otherwise. We’ve known this boy for 10yrs. He called my ds twice this weekend to hang out? Yet he treats him like crap when this new kid is around?

I know I can’t say anything but I don’t know what to tell my ds

[Anonymous]

You should have said no to him walking home with both boys. Peer pressure is real for kids. You seem to think the neighbor boy shouldn't get sucked into it but he's 14. It's fun and exhilarating to feel powerful over someone else. That's what was going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should have said no to him walking home with both boys. Peer pressure is real for kids. You seem to think the neighbor boy shouldn't get sucked into it but he's 14. It's fun and exhilarating to feel powerful over someone else. That's what was going on.

I wasn’t thrilled about it but he called me from his cell phone while they were already walking home. We talked after he came home and he agreed he didn’t want to hang out with them as a group anymore. Just one on one with the friend.

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately this is how kids can be with their underdeveloped brains and peer pressure. You could coach your kid to have a conversation about he didn’t like being treated that way or on what to say in the moment. But most likely you do nothing. The friendship might be evolving and changing, moving into a new stage. As parents there’s very little you can do re: friendships at this age. You just be there to give a hug when they hit bumps (and they will!).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should have said no to him walking home with both boys. Peer pressure is real for kids. You seem to think the neighbor boy shouldn't get sucked into it but he's 14. It's fun and exhilarating to feel powerful over someone else. That's what was going on.

I wasn’t thrilled about it but he called me from his cell phone while they were already walking home. We talked after he came home and he agreed he didn’t want to hang out with them as a group anymore. Just one on one with the friend.

That sounds like a good plan. Also, let your son know that this is an unfortunate but common event in friendships, especially at this age. Sometimes good friends just grow apart. Sometimes there is a new annoying friend that hurts the relationship. Sometimes people stop being friends for a while, but then become friends again when they are older. I know it feels worse when it happens to a kid who already has a fragile social standing, but it also happens to NT kids.

Are there other places where your kid can meet/hangout with others his own age? My kid probably only has a couple real friends irl, and then a couple others online, but he has different groups of nice teens he hangs out with at weekly/monthly activities. It's not the same as having a best friend, but it's better than nothing.