College dd is constantly venting

[Anonymous]

She is doing well in her classes, has a job (very pt), likes her roommates well enough, but is constantly calling, every single day, asking what she should do about this or that, complaining about everything: professors, classes, work, how she doesn't have anything to do or friends to do things with. We've encouraged her to join clubs. She goes in a half-ass way and decides not to commit, saying she doesn't like the people, it's too much of a commitment (two times a week is what she thinks is too much...). I listen to her vent but don't always validate complaints because some are ott and too much, and at this point I have really stopped encouraging her to get out and do things because the response is always "I don't want to because of x, y or z." Anyone have a child who got out of this negative cycle eventually, or is she set for just always complaining?

[Anonymous]

You should establish some boundaries.

Stop making yourself available just for her to dump on you

[Anonymous]

Didn't you post about this kid about a month or less ago?

[Anonymous]

You don’t have to respond to her everyday unless you think she is having a mental health crisis.

[Anonymous]

Every day is too much. I love love my anxious dd but I also have to cut her off sometimes. It’s for her own good.

[Anonymous]

She’s lonely. Once she finds her people you will stop hearing from her.

[Anonymous]

This is my DD too. I think it’s because they’re lonely. It wears on me too, but I let her vent. I figure once she makes more friends, she will stop calling to vent. It’s a small price to pay. We all have a rough patch at some point. Be grateful that she’s calling you and not drinking or doing drugs.

[Anonymous]

In the bad old days long distance phone calls were expensive and weekly. Amazing we survived college, eh?

[Anonymous]

This is my daughter too. I do think she's lonely because while she has a lot of superficial female friendships, she doesn't have the depth of friendship that she had in high school and she really misses that and can't seem to find her people in college.

That said, I'm about to lay down some boundaries because I think it's gotten out of hand. It's not healthy to be calling your mother twice a day in college.

I wish she would find a better community or even date someone but no luck so far.

[Anonymous]

She’s a kvetcher. Complaining is recreational for her. She’d fit right in with my family.

[Anonymous]

Just curious. Was she always like this or it started in college?
I remember venting to my dad the first year of college and he managed to give me good advice at least once. I stopped when I figured it out around year two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just curious. Was she always like this or it started in college?
I remember venting to my dad the first year of college and he managed to give me good advice at least once. I stopped when I figured it out around year two.

Always somewhat like that, but much worse now, and the stakes are higher. It's should I quit my job or not, should I ask for different hours, what study abroad, I worry about this, about that...Just constantly asking for input all the time. I often just say "that's your decision" and then she's mad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just curious. Was she always like this or it started in college?
I remember venting to my dad the first year of college and he managed to give me good advice at least once. I stopped when I figured it out around year two.

Always somewhat like that, but much worse now, and the stakes are higher. It's should I quit my job or not, should I ask for different hours, what study abroad, I worry about this, about that...Just constantly asking for input all the time. I often just say "that's your decision" and then she's mad.

Ask her the pros/cons of each choice, and how she ranks criteria. Teach her how to make these decisions if you haven’t already…. Instead of cutting her off.

Their brains are still developing until age 25