Telling child about their disability

[Anonymous]

DH and I are in disagreement over whether to share 6 yo DS's diagnosis with him. He has very mild CP. I think it would help him to understand why he is not as good at sports and video games as his friends. DH is worried he will give up on things he currently enjoys and will just say he can't do XYZ and doesn't want to try. How did you navigate this conversation with your child and your spouse?

[Anonymous]

I think your husband is being a weirdo. Your kid is going to be at doctor’s appointments where you discuss this? My kid would have totally wanted to understand what we were talking about. If your kid isn’t inclined to push through physically challenging things, that is about personality — not about you telling them this diagnosis/

[Anonymous]

Kids know when they're different - I think a diagnosis can actually help them understand and motivate them.

[Anonymous]

Your six year old doesn’t know what CP means. He could think it means hers Spider-Man if you frame it that way.

My son is 7 and when it’s appropriate, I frame his disability as why he struggles with A,b, and C and why we do X, y and Z. There are positive ways to frame things! We also talk about “superpowers” and what makes us special.

[Anonymous]

My kid has adhd and she knows. We bought her an age appropriate book about howit makes her brain different, why she thinks/acts differently etc.
I can’t imagine not telling my kid something like this.
Yes you tell your kid. It’s a hard conversation because you’ve left it late, but it needs to be had sooner rather than later. Canyou imagine if your parents kept something like this from you?

[Anonymous]

Yes, tell your kid. I'm not familiar with CP, but I bet there are books that would be helpful. You frame it as, Everyone has things that are easier for them and are harder for them. CP makes X harder for you. That's why you do [therapy]. Everyone has things that they need help with.

And then you be prepared to answer questions about what caused it, if you have CP, etc.

[Anonymous]

We were direct and straightforward. And then answered questions and continued to answer questions for years. The questions change with age and maturity. Now that DS is a teen, he prefers questions in the car.

[Anonymous]

Your husband needs therapy to deal with his feelings of shame, which he should not project onto your kid.

[Anonymous]

You should ask the doctor to let your husband know how other families have handled this. Look for a parent support group.

Kids know when they are different and it is a relief for them to know why and what to do about it, and your husband can model for your child how to deal with challenges and stay positive.