Rules for having girlfriend over
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Anonymous
| My eighth grader and his best friend are dating two girls who are also best friends. My son wants to have them all over to our house to hang out in his room. What rules should we set up for this? New to this - very grateful for any "been there already" advice. |
Anonymous
| Doors stay open, adults must be home. What other rules are you looking for? |
Anonymous
| His room? Nope. Basement rec room or family room only. |
Anonymous
|
I don’t think you should set “doors open” type rules until you’ve talked about what if any sexual activity is allowed to happen in your house.
For me it would be of course yes to the group hang, but no sexual activity and they should expect you will walk in and/or knock on the door at any moment. |
Anonymous
+1 and how about a group activity like cooking a snack or a dessert? No adults helping. Kitchen is in central part of the house. My kids and their friends love to do this. Or play a game like clue together in family room. |
Anonymous
|
They aren't going to make-out on the bed in front of each other. I think with 4 of them, they can have the bedroom door closed. Give them some privacy for conversation. I assume no one smokes anything.
With only a date in his room, no, door open. |
Anonymous
| He wants to show them his room. That's natural. It's a natural way to get to know a person better. It probably means he'll clean his room ! Doesn't mean, all times going forward, you need to decide re: a rule for the bedroom. With 4 of them in there, neither couple is getting any "privacy" |
Anonymous
This. And if there’s a movie night in the future, no blankets, light on (low is ok), and the understanding that adults could walk thru at any moment. But I’d be fine with some bedroom time as long as the door is open. Maybe he’ll clean!!!! |
Anonymous
| To the doors open posters, if you’re allowing them in the room, please make sure you’re checking on them in random intervals. My BF and I used to do “stuff” very very quietly, with the door open, because no one ever checked on us, or if they did, we knew they wouldn’t be back for a while and we had time. |
Anonymous
| Nobody has any fun anymore. |
Anonymous
| No hanging out in his room for one. |
Anonymous
One of DD’s friends is doing this. Her family is super religious and so is her boyfriend so I think they’re assuming that the kids aren’t upstairs having sex while there are adults are downstairs. |
Anonymous
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Nope to bedroom.
Living room, maybe basement, backyard or front yard |
Anonymous
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This may be a group of 4, but at some point it may be your son alone with his girlfriend. So have some boundaries set up in advance.
In terms of been there done that...my daughter had the same BF 8, 9, and 10th grade. I am very thankful we set some ground rules early and adjusted as they got older. Our rules centered on balance: at that age the things that take up most energy/passion/time should still be school, family, friends, sports, ECs, etc. So not a ton of time spent with significant other alone, certainly never in a bedroom or even an empty house for that matter. Family room, kitchen, backyard were popular spaces to hang out. No spending a ton of money on gifts. No pressuring the other person to break rules, texting at night, etc. Of course there was age appropriate PDA (made us cringe) and I'm sure they pushed those boundaries as much as possible within the blockades we'd put in their path, lol. We had to talk about these guidelines in advance and from time to time. |
Anonymous
When I was younger my neighbor got expelled from boarding school in 9th grade when he was caught in a MFFM foursome. |