I Flushed My Mouthguard Down The Toilet Today

[Anonymous]

I clench my teeth terribly and have a custom fitted guard from my dentist. Without it, I get terrible migraines and damage my teeth. I had to replace it last year and the new one has never been quite right. I keep taking it for adjustments, but sometimes I remove in my sleep. Usually it’s near my pillow. But sometimes I must hurl it because it turns up across the room.

We were tight on time this morning and I didn’t have time to locate it. NBD. Later when I came home, I used the bathroom. I closed the lid and flushed but in that moment I processed that something else had gone into the toilet. My flushing hand was ahead of my visual processing apparently. I lifted the lid (germ flume aieeeeeeee), and there, completing its final circle was my mouth guard. $700 literally down the toilet.

My precious but imperfect mouth guard is gone. The process for getting a new one is extremely undignified. Have you ever had a transvaginal ultrasound? Well, they use a wand that looks just like that, you close your mouth around it, and it’s wiggled around to 3D image your teeth while you’re instructed to shift your mouth and tongue various ways. It’s marginally a family forum so I won’t say more about the excruciating personal discomfort coupled with attempts to repress snort laughs induced by this process.

My theory is that I must have tossed it into the clean basket of laundry at the foot of my bed, and the guard was somehow entangled in my pants or underpants. Yes, I dressed from the laundry basket this morning. I’m not sure how I wouldn’t have felt it but I can’t imagine how else it ended up in the toilet.

So, if you’ve made a mistake today, or done something foolish, at least you didn’t do this.

[Anonymous]

You can buy ones at CVS and make them yourself, I used to do this all the time before I got Invisalign and use the retainers you get from that afterward.

In fact, there is a type of mouthguard that is smaller piece of soft plastic that doesn't even need molding, and works just as good as a full-on mouth guard that the dentist makes or you can make yourself.

[Anonymous]

Go to Pure Hockey and see if they have a moldeable mouthguard. Or look it up online. Might be called boil and bite mouthguard. That might help you meanwhile until you can save up $700 again

[Anonymous]

As a $$$ custom mouth guard wearer, I was horrified by your story but your writing was hysterical.

I had no idea there was a transvaginal ultrasound-like wand that could even do that! My dentist still uses the metal pans with the sticky stuff that hardens to make an impression of my teeth, then apparently sends it out to a company that makes the mouth guard.

Maybe the universe is telling you that you need a better-fitting mouth guard. Hope you have the means to replace it. Think of it as an investment in your future health.

Thanks for the laugh — you have a way with words!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can buy ones at CVS and make them yourself, I used to do this all the time before I got Invisalign and use the retainers you get from that afterward.

In fact, there is a type of mouthguard that is smaller piece of soft plastic that doesn't even need molding, and works just as good as a full-on mouth guard that the dentist makes or you can make yourself.

Unfortunately I bite through these within days. I have the jaws if a hyena.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go to Pure Hockey and see if they have a moldeable mouthguard. Or look it up online. Might be called boil and bite mouthguard. That might help you meanwhile until you can save up $700 again

Fortunately I can afford the $700 (but who wants to literally flush money down the toilet!) but I will look into the hockey guard as a possible backup for travel. Thanks for the idea

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I clench my teeth terribly and have a custom fitted guard from my dentist. Without it, I get terrible migraines and damage my teeth. I had to replace it last year and the new one has never been quite right. I keep taking it for adjustments, but sometimes I remove in my sleep. Usually it’s near my pillow. But sometimes I must hurl it because it turns up across the room.

We were tight on time this morning and I didn’t have time to locate it. NBD. Later when I came home, I used the bathroom. I closed the lid and flushed but in that moment I processed that something else had gone into the toilet. My flushing hand was ahead of my visual processing apparently. I lifted the lid (germ flume aieeeeeeee), and there, completing its final circle was my mouth guard. $700 literally down the toilet.

My precious but imperfect mouth guard is gone. The process for getting a new one is extremely undignified. Have you ever had a transvaginal ultrasound? Well, they use a wand that looks just like that, you close your mouth around it, and it’s wiggled around to 3D image your teeth while you’re instructed to shift your mouth and tongue various ways. It’s marginally a family forum so I won’t say more about the excruciating personal discomfort coupled with attempts to repress snort laughs induced by this process.

My theory is that I must have tossed it into the clean basket of laundry at the foot of my bed, and the guard was somehow entangled in my pants or underpants. Yes, I dressed from the laundry basket this morning. I’m not sure how I wouldn’t have felt it but I can’t imagine how else it ended up in the toilet.

So, if you’ve made a mistake today, or done something foolish, at least you didn’t do this.

Thank you!! I’ve had a miserable day and this made me laugh. I’ve had this luck before, except my mouth guard fit perfectly a was $800 and was yellowing from use. Because it’s such a pain to replace- I feel your pain - I only did when absolutely necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a $$$ custom mouth guard wearer, I was horrified by your story but your writing was hysterical.

I had no idea there was a transvaginal ultrasound-like wand that could even do that! My dentist still uses the metal pans with the sticky stuff that hardens to make an impression of my teeth, then apparently sends it out to a company that makes the mouth guard.

Maybe the universe is telling you that you need a better-fitting mouth guard. Hope you have the means to replace it. Think of it as an investment in your future health.

Thanks for the laugh — you have a way with words!

I’m so glad I made one person laugh. That was my hope that my personal tale of horror would bring laughter to someone else!

I wish my dentist still had the metal pans and all of that. My original guard from the molds was better than the new ones. It fit better, it fit perfectly in fact, and it was purple with sparkles. I don’t wear sparkles in my daily life. In fact, I only wear sparkles a tiny bit at the holidays. But if I have to have a mouthguard, I like it to have sparkles and I like it being purple. The new ones come in a choice of clear, clear or clear which just screams “medical device.” No whimsy at all. My dentist has been adjusting it repeatedly and although it mostly works, it’s never achieved the same effect as the original.

I am thankful that I can replace it, but I’m not looking forward to explaining why I need to replace it. “I’m afraid there was a household accident - no I can’t really expand on that.” Sadly, my youngest child is too old to be thrown under the bus for this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can buy ones at CVS and make them yourself, I used to do this all the time before I got Invisalign and use the retainers you get from that afterward.

In fact, there is a type of mouthguard that is smaller piece of soft plastic that doesn't even need molding, and works just as good as a full-on mouth guard that the dentist makes or you can make yourself.

Hahaha! People like me who need professional help chew through these in one night!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a $$$ custom mouth guard wearer, I was horrified by your story but your writing was hysterical.

I had no idea there was a transvaginal ultrasound-like wand that could even do that! My dentist still uses the metal pans with the sticky stuff that hardens to make an impression of my teeth, then apparently sends it out to a company that makes the mouth guard.

Maybe the universe is telling you that you need a better-fitting mouth guard. Hope you have the means to replace it. Think of it as an investment in your future health.

Thanks for the laugh — you have a way with words!

+1 to all of this ~ from another custom mouth guard wearer. I had no idea there were transvaginal wands for this either. My dentist still uses trays, but also my mouthguard is fairly old. The backs by the molars are barely hanging in there. I dread getting another one because I know it won't fit as well. Also, I have become paranoid about taking it out before I go into the bathroom in the morning for just this reason so thanks for confirming my irrational fear!!

[Anonymous]

Your dentist can make a new one. I get mine replaced every five years or so and it's never over $300.

[Anonymous]

Mine are not that expensive, here in NYC. But , yes, I left mine in a tissue and it got thrown out. The saying is such night guards can only be in your face or in its case!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a $$$ custom mouth guard wearer, I was horrified by your story but your writing was hysterical.

I had no idea there was a transvaginal ultrasound-like wand that could even do that! My dentist still uses the metal pans with the sticky stuff that hardens to make an impression of my teeth, then apparently sends it out to a company that makes the mouth guard.

Maybe the universe is telling you that you need a better-fitting mouth guard. Hope you have the means to replace it. Think of it as an investment in your future health.

Thanks for the laugh — you have a way with words!

+1 to all of this ~ from another custom mouth guard wearer. I had no idea there were transvaginal wands for this either. My dentist still uses trays, but also my mouthguard is fairly old. The backs by the molars are barely hanging in there. I dread getting another one because I know it won't fit as well. Also, I have become paranoid about taking it out before I go into the bathroom in the morning for just this reason so thanks for confirming my irrational fear!!

OP again
I’m sure it’s not actually a transvaginal wand, but it does look like that. As long as you don’t have the guard caught up in your clothing I think you will avoid my fate! If I were you I would get a new one now before your dentist makes the switch. I’m actually thinking about asking my dentist if he knows anyone still using the trays because even though the process took longer, it was better.

[Anonymous]

Just go to a different dentist who will make a mouthguard from a mold.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just go to a different dentist who will make a mouthguard from a mold.

If only I had though about that. Oh wait, I did! In the post just above. Did you not have enough coffee?