AITA if I want my spouse to take after hours work calls in his home office
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
Instead of in the kitchen or the family room where I am trying to relax?
He is an attorney. His voice is loud and booming. He has a main floor dedicated office and a second office in our basement (for when the kids are too loud.) Am I a jerk if I ask him to take after hours work calls in one of these places so I don’t have to hear them so loudly? God bless his poor associates. |
Anonymous
| No. My DH does this. He's noisy and none of us want to hear it (nor do his clients/colleagues want to hear our family chaos). |
Anonymous
|
It is crazy that he thinks he should take work calls anywhere in the house, disrupting the rest of the family, especially when he has a designated office.
Frankly, I don't even get why he thinks this is okay. Not only taking over family space, but as an attorney he should not be talking about any work in front of other people. This feels like a power play on his part. |
Anonymous
| Maybe he thinks it’s “helpful” for him to be around, “watching” the kids or just being with you and he is multi-tasking. I totally get it. I had to move my desk to a different room bc of my husband. And sometimes he likes to walk around on the phone! Also bonkers. Just saying maybe your husband is trying to put in some effort to/getting credit for being at home rather than away in his office. |
Anonymous
| I don’t think you’re the problem here. Not only is it reasonable to ask him to conduct his business in a way that it doesn’t interfere with the rest of the family (who can’t bill hourly for your time), but I’m surprised an attorney can take phone calls around other people. Aren’t they required to maintain strict confidentiality? I don’t know what kind of law he practices, but I thought privilege was assumed whenever someone talked to any kind of lawyer. |
Anonymous
|
Agree with everyone else -- it's not rude to ask him to go in his office and he should use the space set aside for that activity.
My DH used to sometimes take work calls in really disruptive ways as well. He'd take one at the table when we were out to dinner, or while we were playing mini golf with the kids on vacation. I told him if he absolutely have to take these calls, I needed him to excuse himself and go elsewhere because it's unfair for me and the kids to have to pause all conversation or enjoyment while we listen to him have a loud conversation about work for 20 minutes. What actually happened was that he realized he could let like 99% of these calls roll to voicemail and get back to people a little later after our meal or outing. Just like you would during a work day if you were in another meeting and someone called. Most people do not actually expect you to be available 24/7 and most work stuff is not so urgent that you must answer every call immediately. I guess if OP's spouse is a litigator or something, maybe his calls really are that urgent, but at least in my DH's case, they were not and setting that boundary with him about not taking them around us helped him realize that. |
Anonymous
OP here. I think it’s this. Rather than being in his office, he somehow thinks he gets credit for being “around” when in fact he’s driving me bonkers. As for confidentiality, I’m not sure what the rules are but he does complex corporate law and it might as well be a foreign language to me. He’s also not using company or client names. He’s talking to associates already familiar with the deal and they are speaking lawyer-speak to each other. |
Anonymous
|
NTA. Send him to his office.
In fairness, you should also take your calls in private, though. Even though your voice is certainly not as loud, it's a double standard if you chat with your friend in the family room. Make it a household rule. |
Anonymous
This is the issue for me any time my DH is on the phone. He’ll call customer service or whatever from the living room and want the rest of us to stop what we’re doing so we don’t disturb him. From my perspective it doesn’t matter if it’s about work or not, if you can excuse yourself to take a call you do, so as not to disturb others. It’s just rude. Sadly, DH and I do not see eye to eye on this so this is an ongoing…. conversation in our house. |
Anonymous
|
You're NTA to ask. See what he says! Maybe he doesn't realize it's annoying and he's happy to relocate. Maybe he has a reason for doing this that you're not aware of, so you can discuss pros/cons.
I just wouldn't wait until the next call (as that's a terrible time for a logistical conversation). Bring it up in advance, see what he says. |
Anonymous
|
My ex did this. With the kids in the car with their friends. Roaming the house for calls with Europe at 5 am. Talking to Asia at 11. We even moved so he could have a home office with separation from most of the house, and his response was to leave his laptop in one room, a notebook in another, and a pen in a third. And walk from room to room while bellowing or screaming at colleagues and clients regardless of what anyone else in the family was attempting to do.
If I pushed back or asked him to take calls from the office or his home office, he relied on the bulletproof response: “do you want a roof over your head or not?!” And would make a point of talking even more loudly or swearing, too. He knows what he’s doing, OP. It’s about control and dominance and making sure everyone else in the house knows that he comes first. |
Anonymous
|
No you are not an “ahole” if you ask your husband to take his business calls in another part of the house.
He should know this. |
Anonymous
| I have this too. He struts around like a peacock thinking I’m impressed with his fancy cyber security speak and acronyms and “ok boys” talk and it’s nails on a chalkboard to me. I leave the room for all calls because I think it’s rude to be on the phone while someone is trying to do something else. |
Anonymous
|
Back during COVID spouse and I were in an apartment and it was really hard to have to listen to his phone calls all the time. You also felt like you have to be quiet so it keeps you and the kids from interacting.
He has an office, it's obnoxious. If he's discussing client information he shouldn't be doing that around you anyway. |
Anonymous
+1 |