Teach kindness and being generous with a limit

[Anonymous]

DC10 is very kind and caring to people around him. He offered to lend a spare sports equipment to a friend ( the friend usually use what the club has, while it may not be available at all times), then the friend just need it for every class. What can DC say? It’s something he needs it sometimes for protection. It’s not a cheap club sport so parents definitely could afford it, but of course there’s nothing the kid can do if parents don’t want to buy. The thing is even when DC needs it he wouldn’t be able to ask return the sports equipment, as the friend needs it. Also a friend asked DC to buy something for a school group they were both in, apparently they were each borrowed a certain thing to do something for the school group, but some kids lost the items they borrowed. I told DC if he lost the item I would of course pay for it, but I wouldn’t buy because others lost it, their parents should pay. DC said he could use his allowance but I refused. It’s something very affordable, but I just want to set limit. Or should I let him decide if he wants to buy with his allowance to be generous? It happened before DC used his money ( from school account) to pay for things his friend wanted at school fair, and I had told him his friend’s parents would buy for their own children, so no need to do it again. On the other hand I also worry that DC would be broke in the future, as he sees allowance as free money to spend.

[Anonymous]

call me maybe?

[Anonymous]

DC can say, “nah, bruh. If I lose this my mom will kill me”

[Anonymous]

I would tell your kid it's not really his equipment lend/give. You got it for him, he needs to use it, therefore he needs to not lend it out. If you do birthday gifts with this other kid then maybe it's appropriate to get him one but otherwise that kid can use the club item.

Also, while it's not your kid's job to teach other kids lessons, you can say that its ok to let them figure out and learn from their mistake (losing something) instead of jumping in to fix it for them.

FWIW, giving away stuff/money is usually a phase at this age and thry grow out of it.

[Anonymous]

Are you rich? I’m trying to figure out why other kids are targeting yours like that.

[Anonymous]

I would stop giving allowance to your kid for a few more years. Teach them better money management.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DC10 is very kind and caring to people around him. He offered to lend a spare sports equipment to a friend ( the friend usually use what the club has, while it may not be available at all times), then the friend just need it for every class. What can DC say? It’s something he needs it sometimes for protection. It’s not a cheap club sport so parents definitely could afford it, but of course there’s nothing the kid can do if parents don’t want to buy. The thing is even when DC needs it he wouldn’t be able to ask return the sports equipment, as the friend needs it. Also a friend asked DC to buy something for a school group they were both in, apparently they were each borrowed a certain thing to do something for the school group, but some kids lost the items they borrowed. I told DC if he lost the item I would of course pay for it, but I wouldn’t buy because others lost it, their parents should pay. DC said he could use his allowance but I refused. It’s something very affordable, but I just want to set limit. Or should I let him decide if he wants to buy with his allowance to be generous? It happened before DC used his money ( from school account) to pay for things his friend wanted at school fair, and I had told him his friend’s parents would buy for their own children, so no need to do it again. On the other hand I also worry that DC would be broke in the future, as he sees allowance as free money to spend.

I have a headache reading this wall

[Anonymous]

I would wonder if your DS is uncomfortable saying no, and needs coaching on polite phrasing and handling pressure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would stop giving allowance to your kid for a few more years. Teach them better money management.

WTF no. Allowance is how they learn money management.

OP, allow your child to spend the allowance as they want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would wonder if your DS is uncomfortable saying no, and needs coaching on polite phrasing and handling pressure.

That’s it. I love buying clothes for the family and nieces. My middle schooler has a lot of sneakers, hoodies, everything. We give clothes to her friends that are smaller than her. When I drop them off I give her $20 for food and give the same to her friends, usually only 1 or 2 girls.

Yesterday one of her friends put my dd hoodie on and a pair of her sneakers. I’m pretty sure my dd will have a hard time asking for them back.

Our town has families with every income from government assistance to the 1 %. We are in the middle but most of her friends are low income. The one who wore her hoodie and sneakers has a single mother and two sister who live in a two bedroom apartment. Another is from South America and I’m pretty sure they are not here legally. They came here on a visa over five years ago.

The hoodie is a unique one we bought in NYC so I’m hoping she asks for it back. She’s like the OPs son. I know she gets it from me but I want her to be sensitive to friends with less but also be able to know when someone is using her.

[Anonymous]

Letting kids take things without asking is not helping them.

[Anonymous]

Tell the club coach, or school social worker is it's a school sport.