Feeling bad about this

[Anonymous]

I have a DS9. He is in 3rd grade. He can read but his comprehension is not where it should be. His teacher recommended him for an afterschool tutoring program. We signed him up and it starts next week.

I have always had to push him to read. He can read, but I didn't realize that his comprehension wasn't where it should have been. He prefers math and is above grade level in math. (He is at an immersion school so it is taught in Spanish He would rather be outside playing with his friends than doing anything else. I suspect he might be ADHD, but it is difficult to tell because he doesn't have the typical outward signs in school. He is able to sit in his seat, follow directions, doesn't interrupt, etc. We've asked every teacher and every single one has said that he is very good in class, engaged and participates. At home he is a different story, he cannot sit in his chair for dinner, it takes several times to tell him to go brush his teeth, put his pajamas on, put his shoes on, etc, before he does it. It is difficult to see whether this is just energetic boy or something more.

We are going to talk to him tonight about the tutoring. I'm concerned about telling him for two reasons. He is very sensitive about being "dumb," which he definitely isn't. I worry about this damaging his self-esteem. His father and I are always building him up and telling him he is smart and can do anything. We tell him that he should be proud of his accomplishments and that we are proud of him. Second, the tutoring happens directly after school when he normally would be going to aftercare with all his buddies. I believe, as does his teacher, that he will be able to catch up pretty easily because he is just under the threshhold or right at the threshhold. I worry about him getting teased for having to have the extra tutoring. I'm also feeling horrible because I feel like I should have seen the signs.

Did any of you have a son that was behind and "caught up"? How are they doing now? Did they end up being a good student?

[Anonymous]

Check his vision.

My DC was diagnosed with convergence insufficiency at 16. They did generally well in school, (3.7 unwgpa) but if they had to read a large amount of text, they had a hard time understanding what they were reading. I thought they just didn't like to read/study, and couldn't read for more than like 10min at a time.

Diagnosis and therapies are expensive, though.

[Anonymous]

Op here, ^^ how was your son finally diagnosed? Is there something I should be asking the pediatrician?

[Anonymous]

My kid struggled with reading before 2nd grade-at which point he was diagnosed with ADHD and stated doing some occupational therapy for it. He went from below grade level to on grade level. In 3rd grade he started meds and it made a huge difference and he now tests 90th percentile for reading and 99th for math (and has consistently 4th-6th grade.)

He is a good reader now (though he still resents being made to read, he only wants to read on his terms) but still struggles a lot with writing. That’s the next battle we’re working on. He hates it, and knows he’s not good at it which makes him hate it even more.

It’s really key to get the reading sorted now though-because there is so much more reading in all classes as they get to late elementary and middle school. Also, I feel like younger kids are less likely to tease.
Is the tutoring everyday? I’d make sure he still gets friend time so he’s not completely missing out.

[Anonymous]

My oldest didn't read until 6th grade. Comprehension and size of vocabulary were the major problems. He went to a center for reading help (like Huntington - it's awhile ago). He also got placed in an in school reading program that focused on comprehension. It took awhile. I feel like maybe a year. He can read now. He reads well enough to do continuing education in his field and to read things he's interested in. But, he doesn't read for pleasure and doesn't like reading.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Check his vision.

My DC was diagnosed with convergence insufficiency at 16. They did generally well in school, (3.7 unwgpa) but if they had to read a large amount of text, they had a hard time understanding what they were reading. I thought they just didn't like to read/study, and couldn't read for more than like 10min at a time.

Diagnosis and therapies are expensive, though.

I was the other poster, but also recommend this. My son didn’t have the same condition, but he did do things with the occupational therapist that helped with eye tracking, etc. He had a lot of problems staying on one line when reading for example-he’d jump to the next line halfway through, or restart the same line over. He practiced reading with a ruler under the line to help. The next year he ended up getting reading glasses. It’s a very mild prescription, and he often doesn’t use them, but if he’s tired or reading a lot, he does.

[Anonymous]

he doesn't need to be in an immersion school. Clearly, having books in a foreign language isn't working for him and that's fine. Our kids did Spanish immersion preschool and kindergarten and then we switched them to English in first grade. My spouse is a Ph.D. developmental biologist who said the neural wiring for language is complete by 5-6 for laying the ground work for remembering a foreign language in middle and high school and beyond. Spouse was correct. Our oldest picked up Spanish again in seventh and still remembered a lot of it. Our younger took Latin and said it reminded them of something (Spanish as a little, cough).

[Anonymous]

OP I wouldn't worry that much about teasing or self esteem on this. I think a lot of kids see various specialists for different issues and there is much less stigma than a generation ago. My DS 8 does speech therapy and tells friends about it, he previously went to an OT and has talked about it with other kids. Just in talking about his weekend or whatever, like it's a neutral activity. And a lot of kids especially boys and maybe especially in our area or circle seem to see or have seen someone for something at some point (they'll be like, "oh I used to to Y.") DS was recently at a playdate and as I was picking him up, their reading tutor arrived and he didn't have any reaction, certainly not a negative one about his friend.

Of course you should build up your son in how you talk to him but also emphasize that there is effort involved. Wr struggle with that - DS will proclaim he is smart or "good at X" and I remind him that yes but you have to keep working on it to grow and advance.

[Anonymous]

OP you're thinking about this all wrong. You're thinking tutoring is for dumb kids. It's not. It's just to give extra practice and one on one time. Lots of smart kids are in Kumon or similar and they aren't behind at math.