HS sports and complaining parents

[Anonymous]

My youngest of 2 just had their final season of HS sports at a large NOVA public. One boy, one girl over 6 years and 4 sports. Both kids made it to the Varsity level. I am shocked by how negative the parents have been across the board, but mostly very critical of the coaches. I don't understand why. We had decent coaches, all great people to be around. Some winning seasons and some not, but no matter, a majority of parents complained incessantly. I stood up for the coaches often, but eventually I tried to sit alone. Over 6 years, maybe 3 kids were recruited, so the stakes weren't high. Anyone else dealt with this? I'll miss watching my kids play but glad to get away from the negativity in the bleachers.

[Anonymous]

Well, if your kids are on the receiving end of favoritism, it's easy to cast other complaining parents as the villain. Try to put yourself in someone else's shoes.

If you're going to say there is no favoritism or unfair treatment in school sports, and that coaches never let personal issues and grudges and inappropriate sex stuff (with students or their parents) get in the way of doing their job, then lady you got your head in the sand. Not all are bad apples, but there are always some bad apples.

Or maybe you're one of the moms sleeping with the coach!?

[Anonymous]

Our DD often joked about how shocking it was how bad her HS team was considering how many exceptionally skilled girls were on the team.

Our coach truly had no strategy, provided no feedback or guidance, let queen bees rule practice, and did not play the best players (not even talking about my own kid, there were other girls on the team that were low drama, hard workers, and far better players than some of the starters).

And I never ever complained about the coach to other parents. It was what it was. Everyone who cared about the sport competitively just put their head down and made it work until club season started back up.

[Anonymous]

Favoritism is the main culprit. Parents of favored kids never get it.

[Anonymous]

The main complaint at our giant public is how hard it is to make the teams.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My youngest of 2 just had their final season of HS sports at a large NOVA public. One boy, one girl over 6 years and 4 sports. Both kids made it to the Varsity level. I am shocked by how negative the parents have been across the board, but mostly very critical of the coaches. I don't understand why. We had decent coaches, all great people to be around. Some winning seasons and some not, but no matter, a majority of parents complained incessantly. I stood up for the coaches often, but eventually I tried to sit alone. Over 6 years, maybe 3 kids were recruited, so the stakes weren't high. Anyone else dealt with this? I'll miss watching my kids play but glad to get away from the negativity in the bleachers.

Did any of these wonderful coaches also coach the same kids in club? Or, your kids?

[Anonymous]

The problem with most parents is that they don't get the chance to judge talent as much as the coaches. Coaches see countless hours of practice and games over multiple seasons which helps them find what they need for their team. Parents see parts of games and make assumptions about kids both positive and negative that aren't always accurate. The truth is on every team there are a couple stand outs and the rest are relatively similar. Attitude, work ethic, mental toughness, and accepting your role become the primary reasons why some athletes from the "similar" group get more opportunities while others get less.

[Anonymous]

Our big HS has generally terrible coaches and our kid has been on Varsity since freshman year.

Every coach that she has had tries to pit the kids against each other, seems to think they are experts on every topic, encourage kids to play while injured and have low maturity. It has been terrible.

[Anonymous]

Oh- and my favorite is when the coaches bad mouth other kids to kids on the team. The maturity level is so low.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My youngest of 2 just had their final season of HS sports at a large NOVA public. One boy, one girl over 6 years and 4 sports. Both kids made it to the Varsity level. I am shocked by how negative the parents have been across the board, but mostly very critical of the coaches. I don't understand why. We had decent coaches, all great people to be around. Some winning seasons and some not, but no matter, a majority of parents complained incessantly. I stood up for the coaches often, but eventually I tried to sit alone. Over 6 years, maybe 3 kids were recruited, so the stakes weren't high. Anyone else dealt with this? I'll miss watching my kids play but glad to get away from the negativity in the bleachers.

Really? You don't? How long have you lived here? Haven't you noticed that many parents believe their child is God's gift, be it to athletics, academics, or whatever, and can't deal with any reality to the contrary? You never encountered this attitude before?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Favoritism is the main culprit. Parents of favored kids never get it.

Favored kids are usually those who work hard and have athletic talent. There's a reason they are favorites. Unless you are insinuating something else?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Favoritism is the main culprit. Parents of favored kids never get it.

And the parent's of the less athletic kids never understand that either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Favoritism is the main culprit. Parents of favored kids never get it.

+1

That said, I also agree that parents need to zip their mouths and support the team regardless. At minimum, do not say negative things. If you cannot behave, then just don’t attend.

[Anonymous]

Negativity breeds negativity. Sometimes when the complaints get going, the parents in the bleachers become toxic. It's like a drug for them. HS sports can conjure up deep seated feelings and they just let them out in the bleachers. When it turns negative, it is hard to stop. Maybe have the head parent, booster club president? send out an e-mail.

Tell everyone they are required to take the Pledge at the Sideline Project:
https://thesidelineproject.com

It has helped the idiots at our club, at least for a few weeks.

[Anonymous]

Your experience isn’t universal.

I have three kids, two now in college and one still in high school who have played sports at a large FCPS high school. Their experience ranges across five sports. My kids have ranged from being cut from the team to being a varsity star and across teams that have been objectively terrible to state champion.

The overwhelming majority of the fellow parents I’ve interacted with have been very positive and pleasant. I’m sorry that your experience was so negative, but not all parents are like that.