how to not hear about this any more?

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who is constantly talking about how she worked at a (very prestigous consulting form) and went to (very prestigious business school). She dropped out of the workforce to be a SAHM 15 years ago. No judgement from me. But she clearly has issues with her identity, but its exhausting to hear all. the. time. "well, I was a consultant so..." or "my MBA class..." It is to the point of seeming neurotic. I guess there's nothing I can do about it but I feel for her.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I steer clear of those people.

[Anonymous]

"You've mentioned that before" or add, "many times before". And pause. And make sure you have her attention.

[Anonymous]

"Yeah, Jen, we know - you got your MBA at Harvard, like 20 years ago." Just shut her down.

[Anonymous]

I know this type quite well and am sorry OP. So frustrating. The thing is there is nothing you can do to not hear it anymore because these kinds of people are so inner focused that whatever you do say they are unable to take in the message.

This will make me look mean but I really don't care. What I do with the relative I have who does this and has been for 18 years now, I laugh.at.her. I don't say a word. I literally laugh. And she does not bat an eye or stop her projecting her glory onto me and anyone who is standing within 3 feet.

The takeaway is that anyone who is this insufferable and clueless to say what they say over and over will never stop no matter what you do.

[Anonymous]

I just respond with something completely unrelated. Like literally no acknowledgement of what was said. Not the same issue but another friend who says a lot of time dead things, even about stuff I've said I don't want to talk or hear about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just respond with something completely unrelated. Like literally no acknowledgement of what was said. Not the same issue but another friend who says a lot of time dead things, even about stuff I've said I don't want to talk or hear about.

That should say *tone deaf things

[Anonymous]

“Oh, you left McKinsey after the Purdue Pharma debacle? I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself, either.”

[Anonymous]

She feels bad about herself. You do realize that's why she won't shut up about it.

If she keeps bringing it up, ask her if she wants to go back to work. Occasionally people do.

[Anonymous]

Maybe if she felt society valued the work she’s been doing for the past 15 years, she wouldn’t feel the need to keep mentioning the buzzwords and experiences people do value. It is an identity crisis for educated, well-employed women to leave the workforce to care for family when they’ve been sold a bill of goods that they can “have it all”.

[Anonymous]

Thanks. I do feel for her. She wants to go back to work and it's not working and she's been upfront about that in vulnerable moments. I actually really like her in general. But it's to the point where I am embarrassed for her (I also think it's interesting she isn't reading the social cues - does she not notice no one else does this despite their own credentials? And yes I understand that may add to the insecurity) when I say it's constant it's like drinking game constant

[Anonymous]

She’s feeling insecure and it’s her way of feeling important in a world where being a SAHM or being retired isn’t valued. If it really bothers you, maybe gently let her know that she’s doing it and she should work on it.

[Anonymous]

I had a friend, was a big baseball player back in high school
He could throw that speedball by you, make you look like a fool, boy
Saw him the other night at this roadside bar, I was walking in, he was walking out
We went back inside, sat down, had a few drinks
But all he kept talking about was glory days

[Anonymous]

Key concept:

“she dropped out”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She feels bad about herself. You do realize that's why she won't shut up about it.

If she keeps bringing it up, ask her if she wants to go back to work. Occasionally people do.

This. She feels bad that her career ended early. Probably people from her MBA class are now in very high level positions, making huge money, some are probably even semi-famous. She likely keeps track of former colleagues too.

I don't talk about it, but I have a similar history and I have struggled a lot with it in my 40s because of this feeling I fell off a career track and wasted my potential. I'm not a SAHM but I mommy tracked hard, and it can be hard to look at where peers are. I often feel bad about myself when I see people from grad school or old jobs. I know why the choices I made were right for me at the time, but I think about how my life looks from the outside and sometimes it just makes me feel bad.

I'd literally just ask her how she feels about leaving her old job now. Maybe she needs to talk about it.