Vacation I’d like vs vacation I feel I should do

[Anonymous]

I just booked flights (San Francisco to Savannah, GA) to take my kids to see my parents over spring break, but could cancel within 24 hrs.

My husband could join us, but he’ll have to work some of the time and after taxes and fees the flights are really pricey ($870 each).

We flew East at Christmas time and didn’t travel for the week they had off in a February except for a weekend in cabins in the woods that we all loved. My kids asked if we could have more time at the cabins over spring break. It’s hard to get away for weekends in the spring without missing soccer.

I would *like* a non-flying week where we go to the cabins for a few days, maybe drive a bit further up the coast, and maybe have a day or two exploring San Francisco (we’re 30-40 mins outside the city and the kids have never spent any real time there).

But my mom’s memory has been failing for years (her short term memory is fairly non existent) and the next time we plan to see her isn’t until August. She gets really lonely.

My two siblings’ kids have different spring breaks from my kids and they all plan to visit later in April. They’ve applied a fair bit of pressure to visit and I’d like to give my dad a break but it will be hard (flying cross country with my 9 and 13 year olds and entertaining them to some degree plus helping to care for my mom).

On the other hand, I have no idea how long a visit with my mom will be possible.

Would you do the cross country trip? Bring your husband? Do a family trip / staycation locally and schedule a different long weekend to fly alone?

Thanks!

[Anonymous]

My thinking is that if you do not spend time with elders when it is feasible because you want to do "fun" things that your kids will absorb that lesson and you will not see them when you are old.

My MIL is not very interesting but my kids know that it's important to make an effort for family.

[Anonymous]

This is hard, and I feel for you (and your kids). Can you split spring break in half, spending Saturday -wednesday in savannah and then flying home and spending a few days just hanging out locally? If you're flying into sfo on, say, Wednesday, get a hotel room there Wednesday night to make it feel like a vacation w the kids, drive home Thursday, and then if you have the energy spend a night or two in the cabin? That might get exhausting, but basically just looking for a way for you to have the time with your mom and also something else that week to look forward to.

[Anonymous]

Don't complain when you're older and your kids don't want to visit you.

[Anonymous]

This is a really hard one OP.

Are your kids able to take a few days off from school and go to see your mother when their cousins are there (at least that might give them a chance to enjoy time outside of time with your mother)? I understand that this would be expensive. Otherwise I would go out to see your mother by yourself and go ahead and do the cabin vacation over the spring break. You said that you will be going to see your mother in August as well so this seems reasonable.

It can be really hard on kids to see their grandmother in this situation IMO. I regret doing that to my kid when he was around those ages.

[Anonymous]

Does their town have a library? I spent most of my time reading when I was at grandparents' houses. TV and video games are also an option. Your kids are old enough not to require mom's cruise director skills. Have them make some family recipes with your mom, clean up the yard/garden, etc.

[Anonymous]

^ The grandmother in my situation did not know who we were. Maybe your situation is different.

[Anonymous]

Take your kids to Savannah and visit Mom. There are tons of kid things to do in Savannah and the surrounding areas.

Rent on the beach. Visit Old Fort Jackson. Ride the trolley. Go to the SCAD museum. Ride a riverboat. Ride a ferry. Visit Pinpoint. Shuck some oysters. Eat some hard shell crabs.

Visit Mom but also enjoy the area with the kids.

[Anonymous]

I would do the spring break locally and fly out a separate long weekend or week alone. To provide relief to your dad I would coordinate with siblings to find the best time that would provide some coverage, so not when they're there.

[Anonymous]

Can grandma come to the cabin? That’s been my compromise, inviting grandparents on all our fun trips.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Thanks all.

We have a lot of burnout and would like to not travel (I got really sick in the fall and we’re just busy) but I missed a funeral last summer and know it’s important to see family. I’m just not 100% sure what their is for the kids to do their this time of year. They did a good job entertaining themselves over the Feb week that just happened - my younger DD just turned 9 and has some challenges (adhd / severe anxiety or possibly on the autism spectrum) so it’s not as easy for her to entertain herself but she still did a decent job.

Luckily my mom knows who we all are. She just repeats the same stories every few minutes when she has something on her mind. She has started to get tired and maybe scared? At Christmas she snapped at everyone a lot and has lost most of her impulse control so she said some really though things. (She pointed at my then 8 year old and said “does that ever shut up?”) My older DD can handle it better. At Christmas we all met up at a sibling’s house in Boston so flights were easier. I haven’t flown to Savannah in years.

My older DD has a soccer game the first Sunday of spring break she doesn’t want to miss. So our plan is to fly out that afternoon (landing around midnight in GA), have 4 days, and fly back Friday (landing around 8:30 pm - we’re super close to the airport which is outside the city).

We could turn around and go into the woods for a recharge for the weekend (no soccer) but that might be a lot.

[Anonymous]

How much of the trip is based on "caretaking and giving your dad a break" and how much time would you have free to take your kids on local trips in the Savannah area? Also, have your kids visited Savannah regularly in the past?

[Anonymous]

When my mom had dementia and doing things for/with her felt like a chore someone said to me, "You might resent the time you spend now, but you won't regret it". And now that my mom has passed away, it means a lot to me that I know that my daughter and I spent so much time with (twice a week).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My thinking is that if you do not spend time with elders when it is feasible because you want to do "fun" things that your kids will absorb that lesson and you will not see them when you are old.

My MIL is not very interesting but my kids know that it's important to make an effort for family.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My thinking is that if you do not spend time with elders when it is feasible because you want to do "fun" things that your kids will absorb that lesson and you will not see them when you are old.

My MIL is not very interesting but my kids know that it's important to make an effort for family.

+100

Op here. that's kind of my feeling. It's just been nearly a year since we've had a vacation (not a weekend) that wasn't to visit her and be with family. My parents haven't come to California in about 2 years. They still travel to see my siblings (one lives in Boston so that's closer and the other lives in a town where my parents still have a home - they retired to Savannah but still have their other home). My mom would have loved the cabins once, but she can't go there (the drive would hurt her back and she doesn't have good enough balance to be out in nature).

My parents' address is technically Savannah, but they are about 45 mins drive outside the city. One of the pools in their community may be open by then. I figure we will spend one day with a few hours at the pool and maybe drive the golf cart to the club house and order desserts or something special, one day in the city for some of the day; maybe drive to Tybee Island if my mom feels up to it (she could sit on a bench and hang out); and maybe a day at their home - they're on a marsh so my older DD could bird watch and read on the porch and my younger DD could feed the turtles...if there aren't alligators around! I would like to make it so there's some planned activity each day but also where it's short enough that my mom doesn't get worn out and so that I still have time with her.

The shortest travel days I could find are about 10 hours each way (no direct flights). So if we let our older DD go to her Sunday soccer game and leave after that, to have at least 4 days there (i.e. to make the trip worth while) we won't fly back until Friday. The cabins we like require a 2 night stay and it would be a lot to turn around and drive there after flying cross country, so we won't do that. We could do something a little closer like go spend a day on the beach if it's not too cold / windy when we get back. I really get a lot of peace from watching migrating whales and April is the start of the migration. There's not a really a good other time to pull both kids from school and go because of soccer, but I could go alone another time.