DD spoiled rotten. :(

[Anonymous]

DD 4th grade is just too spoiled. She’s really used to getting her way and if she doesn’t you better believe it will become a full-length feature! Take the other night for example. We were making calzones. However I guess she decided she hates calzones now, because she walked into the kitchen while I was laying out the ingredients and starts yelling, “Ew, I smell calzone,” that kinda thing. Another thing is she gets mad when her friends are better, like she lost a race to the fence post with a friend last week and I haven’t heard the end of it! DH and I have always put a value on teaching her humility and empathy so I’m just surprised. How to fix?

[Anonymous]

Well fix it now or she’ll take advantage of you by getting guac on her chipotle when she’s a teenager!

[Anonymous]

We were not allowed to complain about dinner. But I grew up in a large family. What did she eat instead?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We were not allowed to complain about dinner. But I grew up in a large family. What did she eat instead?

OP here, we have an “eat it or starve” style policy so she just had cereal. Why?

[Anonymous]

Stop it and address it.

“That comment is rude. If you don’t like calzones you can say nothing or ‘Would it be okay if I made a pbj sandwich instead for dinner?’ Try again and pick one of those options.”

If she says nothing, great. If she says she’ll make the sandwich, great.

If she argues with a different response, stop her immediately. “Again, I gave you two options. If you can’t choose one of those, then leave now.”

Set clear boundaries. Hold her accountable for rude behavior. Give her examples of the correct way to respond.

Rinse and repeat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop it and address it.

“That comment is rude. If you don’t like calzones you can say nothing or ‘Would it be okay if I made a pbj sandwich instead for dinner?’ Try again and pick one of those options.”

If she says nothing, great. If she says she’ll make the sandwich, great.

If she argues with a different response, stop her immediately. “Again, I gave you two options. If you can’t choose one of those, then leave now.”

Set clear boundaries. Hold her accountable for rude behavior. Give her examples of the correct way to respond.

Rinse and repeat.

+1

[Anonymous]

Rotten, eh? I wonder whose fault that is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were not allowed to complain about dinner. But I grew up in a large family. What did she eat instead?

OP here, we have an “eat it or starve” style policy so she just had cereal. Why?

.....except if she had cereal then clearly you dont have an eat it or starve policy.

It's clear that she throws a fit and gets her way. Rinse. Repeat. Even toddlers learn that quickly. By elementary it's so far ingrained you have some serious overhaul to do.

[Anonymous]

You need to teach empathy, Stat.

[Anonymous]

She's spoiled because you don't set boundaries.

For dinner - stop giving her other food to eat. I have a picky eater, and we just make sure there's one thing she can eat or there's a way she can modify what we've already made for her dinner. She doesn't get to ask us to make her something else (or to go make herself something else). Also she has to try new things before she rejects them, which is how last night, she discovered she likes falafel.

For other things - stop buying her everything she wants.

[Anonymous]

You have gotten good advice on how to respond to the rude comments about dinner. To address the comments about losing the race with her friend, I would point out that no one likes a sore loser and that she should practice running if she wants to improve her speed. As she gets older, there will invariably be areas where she isn't the absolute best, so it's important to learn how to lose graciously now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD 4th grade is just too spoiled. She’s really used to getting her way and if she doesn’t you better believe it will become a full-length feature! Take the other night for example. We were making calzones. However I guess she decided she hates calzones now, because she walked into the kitchen while I was laying out the ingredients and starts yelling, “Ew, I smell calzone,” that kinda thing. Another thing is she gets mad when her friends are better, like she lost a race to the fence post with a friend last week and I haven’t heard the end of it! DH and I have always put a value on teaching her humility and empathy so I’m just surprised. How to fix?

Stop giving her whatever she wants whenever she wants it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop it and address it.

“That comment is rude. If you don’t like calzones you can say nothing or ‘Would it be okay if I made a pbj sandwich instead for dinner?’ Try again and pick one of those options.”

If she says nothing, great. If she says she’ll make the sandwich, great.

If she argues with a different response, stop her immediately. “Again, I gave you two options. If you can’t choose one of those, then leave now.”

Set clear boundaries. Hold her accountable for rude behavior. Give her examples of the correct way to respond.

Rinse and repeat.

“Would it be ok if I…”. No. No. That is not the language a parent should use in this case. OP doesn’t need her daughter’s permission and she doesn’t need to serve an alternate food that is preapproved by DD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop it and address it.

“That comment is rude. If you don’t like calzones you can say nothing or ‘Would it be okay if I made a pbj sandwich instead for dinner?’ Try again and pick one of those options.”

If she says nothing, great. If she says she’ll make the sandwich, great.

If she argues with a different response, stop her immediately. “Again, I gave you two options. If you can’t choose one of those, then leave now.”

Set clear boundaries. Hold her accountable for rude behavior. Give her examples of the correct way to respond.

Rinse and repeat.

“Would it be ok if I…”. No. No. That is not the language a parent should use in this case. OP doesn’t need her daughter’s permission and she doesn’t need to serve an alternate food that is preapproved by DD.

You're misreading the PP. "Would it be okay if I" is the language for one of the two options the child has to address not wanting calzones, not a script for the parent.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like she lacks manners and boundaries
That’s on you OP.