Divorce and Kids with special needs

[Anonymous]

My marriage is loveless and I'm looking for a way out but feeling trapped as one of our kids requires regular monitoring and it would be impossible with only one parent at home. Other than hiring someone for our teenager, what are my options?

[Anonymous]

Programs, hired caregivers, family and friends.

What kind of monitoring do they need? A health care professional or could you hire a university student?

Are there programs and services with respite or day programs etc?

If it is impossible with one adult at home then the reality is that you have to find a way to have a second adult at home or have your teen be somewhere else that has multiple adults.

[Anonymous]

Try fixing your marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Try fixing your marriage.

I’m sure OP has tried. They are here because that must not be an option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Try fixing your marriage.

Have tried multiple marriage counselors but appreciate your infinite wisdom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try fixing your marriage.

Have tried multiple marriage counselors but appreciate your infinite wisdom.

In a similar situation, OP, and I feel very trapped. We have an amazing marriage counselor, but there’s only so much a marriage counselor can do when 1 spouse is trying everything possible to improve the marriage and the other spouse considers showing up at marriage counseling the entirety of their effort.

[Anonymous]

My marriage is dead. No sex since our child with SN born 7 years ago. DH’s choice, not mine.

I view us as coparenting under the same roof. It helps that we have a very large house. It also helps that I don’t hate DH anymore. I see him as a coworker I feel neutral about.

In parallel I’m trying to make as much money as I can, but I don’t know if it will ever be enough to support the kind of care infrastructure I would need.

Neither DH nor I can handle DC alone for more than short periods of time.

I’m working on finding an affair partner in a similar situation for a private and contained relationship.

I anticipate divorcing some day but worry it could be a decade or more before that is possible.

[Anonymous]

You really have to figure out if you have the resources to outsource a lot of care. And it depends on what level of care you are talking about. I have a very easy kid with profound ID. The caregiver isn’t going to have to deal with any meltdowns or aggressiveness. But they have to be comfortable dealing with taking her to the bathroom and bathing her. That isn’t too hard to find.

[Anonymous]

Don’t do it. You may think things are hard now, but they get infinitely harder after divorce.
Dating while having a kid with special needs is impossible. Sure, you can have fun sleeping around, but good luck finding anyone who will stick around for the hard stuff.

[Anonymous]

I would think hard about what you are looking for in a divorce. Sounds like there’s no abuse or anything. Loveless is hard but is your hope in divorcing finding someone else? What if you don’t find someone else (which is true of a sizable portion of divorced women) would it still be worth it?

If that’s not the reason what is your financial situation? Do you have access to some money that’s just yours (like an inheritance that hasn’t been comingled etc)?

[Anonymous]

What is the long term care plan for your child? Can that be moved forward?