Last minute bathroom dash

[Anonymous]

My daughter is 11, perfectly healthy and no concerns developmentally, but she has a really frustrating habit of leaving it until the very last second to go to the bathroom, often leading to a mad dash and just barely making it. She’s got a school friend over for a sleepover tonight, and half an hour ago whilst they were sat “doing homework” (ie. Chatting and procrastinating) she made the usual mad dash, but this time her luck was out and she had an accident. She covered by changing into PJs and got her friend to do the same (guess we’re eating dinner in PJs tonight 🤷‍♂️) but if she’d been just a few seconds later there’d have been no hiding it and she’d have been mortified in front of her friend.

Don’t get me wrong if it had happened it would have been entirely her fault, actions have consequences and all that, but I’m so worried about the potential stigma and teasing if she does end up having an accident around her friends, or worse at school! I’m absolutely certain there’s no medical issue, it’s not a sudden urgency or being unable to hold it for a normal length of time it’s purely putting it off too long and choosing not to go until it’s almost too late…or, now it seems, it is.

I’ve not said anything to avoid embarrassing her in front of her friend, she doesn’t know yet that I know what happened as I found the wet leggings and pants stuffed down the side of the laundry hamper after she changed so early and unexpectedly. I just needed to vent my worry and frustration, and wouldn’t want to talk to anybody in real life about this. I’ll have a proper chat with her tomorrow, but I just don’t know what to say to convince her that going to the bathroom when she needs to pee makes more sense than the last minute dashes and risk of an accident with all of the embarrassment that could come with that.

So far as I know it’s the first time it’s happened, she’s not had an accident I can remember since starting school and not even wet the bed for a few years, but she needs to learn you can only push your luck and your body so far before it goes wrong, and I shudder thinking how humiliated I’d have felt peeing my pants at 11.

[Anonymous]

Adhd?

[Anonymous]

Is it because she gets a sudden urge to go, so she doesn't feel the natural buildup? I had this issue, and I had embarrassing accidents because of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it because she gets a sudden urge to go, so she doesn't feel the natural buildup? I had this issue, and I had embarrassing accidents because of it.

^^ Me again, never mind, I see now that you did say it's not a feeling of sudden urgency.

[Anonymous]

Wow, thanks for the quick replies! Im distracting myself doom scrolling so I don’t put my foot in it and say something out of frustration and concern.

No other adhd traits that I’ve noticed, although I’m far from an expert! She’s really well adjusted, level headed and pretty mature for her age in all other regards. Anything else which she thinks would make her appear “babyish” or immature she’s horrified by, even competently age-normal play or tv shows etc. If she perceives something as being aimed at younger kids she’s not interested (at least not if anybody’s watching, like any kid she still gets sucked in and I’m glad), just apparently not the potential risk of wetting her pants.

Nope no sudden urgency, she knows that she should go, but puts it off. Always has, and I’m surprised she’s not come unstuck before now if I’m honest, maybe I should have been firmer when she was younger, but I was always afraid of making it into a big deal for her and the potential issues that could cause. Instead, well this…

[Anonymous]

Well hopefully now that she has seen the consequences, she'll start going earlier.

[Anonymous]

Live and learn

[Anonymous]

How about setting an expectation that she tries to pee on a schedule, and you remind her? So before school, at lunch, when she gets home from school, before dinner, before bed. She needs cues and a habit.

[Anonymous]

I would explore constipation issues. Ruling that out, I would consider ADHD and anxiety. I would also consider just putting her on a schedule. Have her watch beep so it isn’t you telling her to go, it is her watch and just becomes a natural part of her schedule.

[Anonymous]

My DD is like this too and is 13 now.
She did get diagnosed with ADHD at 11. When i started reading about ADHD in girls I found it very informative. The lack of thinking ahead and not paying attention to their bodys signals is part of it.
Nit trying to diagnoise your kid based on one thing, but read about ADHD in girls of this age and see if there are other signs.

[Anonymous]

Tell her she’s going to give herself a UTI and then explain what that is. Maybe she will find that gross and worth trying to avoid?

Otherwise, if she has an accident and there are social consequences, then she’ll learn. She may train herself to just “try” at regular intervals.

[Anonymous]

She can bladder train to go every 2 to 3 waking hours. Does she have a watch?

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone. The rest of the sleepover and weekend went fine, fairly certain the friend didn’t realise what happened.

I’ll be honest I didn’t notice much difference, still the mad dashes but more successful as usual. We had a good chat when we were alone and at first she tried to dismiss it and I think hide behind the embarrassment, but eventually understood she was leaving herself open to ridicule over something so daft.

Whether it’ll last or she’ll slip back into her old ways I don’t know, but she’s making an effort the past few days at home at least, so maybe it was the shock she needed.

[Anonymous]

I used to do this. I had serious FOMO all the time. I was terrified to miss out on any fun by leaving for the bathroom. I had one bad accident at school and it cured me.

[Anonymous]

I was like this for years (inattentive ADHD here) and now as a post-menopausal 50-something, I have to pay attention to cues because waiting too long is not good. It only takes one time peeing your pants at your front door because it took too long to find your key to remind you to pee more regularly.