How to make DD feel good

[Anonymous]

We let our elder DD go to private school starting from middle school, and keep our younger one stay in public because of financial stress. We will let the younger one apply for middle school too when it is time. However, younger one is very unhappy about it. She feels we choose her sister over her which actually not true because she will too just in a few years. She is now in 1st grade. What could I do to make her feel better and stay confident and believe we love her just as much as her big sister.

[Anonymous]

Let her read about the various schools here. That should be enough for her to know that she's dodged a bullet.

[Anonymous]

Help her see what is special about her current school. The sense of community and nurturing teachers at public elementaries is usually very strong.

[Anonymous]

My best advice as a parent is that you don't have to make your younger DD feel better about this. It's not unfair - she is taking the EXACT path her sister took! I'd continue to point that out and let her know that her time will come in a few years.

[Anonymous]

She's in 1st grade and has no intrinsic sense that private school is "better" than public. So what is she seeing/hearing that makes her think that her sister's school is better than hers? What does she like about her current school that you can emphasize?

[Anonymous]

You're not being unfair at all, and your youngest should understand this. Just tell her you're treating exactly like her sister, because it's true. Putting her in private now would be the unfair thing. If she can't understand that... I'd be concerned.

[Anonymous]

Why does a first grader think the other school is better? What are you saying about the two schools that she is hearing?

[Anonymous]

Is the public school really wild and dangerous?

[Anonymous]

Are you trash talking younger DD’s school or saying how much more wonderful older DD’s school is?

IOW why does younger DD care?

[Anonymous]

+1 yo being confused about why a 6-year-old even has a sense that her sister’s school is better. They’d be in different schools anyway since they are that far apart in grade level. They’d failing isn’t that you are treating them differently (you’re not) it’s that you somehow allowed your younger to develop a sense of inferiority about her school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're not being unfair at all, and your youngest should understand this. Just tell her you're treating exactly like her sister, because it's true. Putting her in private now would be the unfair thing. If she can't understand that... I'd be concerned.

Why would it concern you if a 6 year old has difficulty understanding other people's perspective? That's part of the nature of being 6.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're not being unfair at all, and your youngest should understand this. Just tell her you're treating exactly like her sister, because it's true. Putting her in private now would be the unfair thing. If she can't understand that... I'd be concerned.

Why would it concern you if a 6 year old has difficulty understanding other people's perspective? That's part of the nature of being 6.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're not being unfair at all, and your youngest should understand this. Just tell her you're treating exactly like her sister, because it's true. Putting her in private now would be the unfair thing. If she can't understand that... I'd be concerned.

Why would it concern you if a 6 year old has difficulty understanding other people's perspective? That's part of the nature of being 6.

Because at that age both my son and daughter could easily have understood something of that nature. They're 5 years apart, and the oldest often had things the youngest did not (yet) have. I explained rationally, and no one complained.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let her read about the various schools here. That should be enough for her to know that she's dodged a bullet.

Lol

[Anonymous]

“This is how we do it in our family. Larla didn’t start going to Private Fancy until middle school, and that’s what you’ll do, too, when you are a middle schooler.”

Anything beyond that just seems whiny. Point out to her that if you sent her now, that you would actually be giving her preferential treatment, as she sees it, over her sister.