Topping out in career at 50
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Anonymous
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I have come to realize that I am not going to make it to the next level in my organization. I am about 5 years from retirement but just feel so deflated about gutting it out knowing I have been passed over. I do not think I will be fired b/c I have a lot of institutional knowledge and specialized expertise, but the humiliation of toiling away and failing to top-out has me so discouraged. I do not think I have it in me to switch jobs at this point - esp. in this market and at my age. I was always the golden child and top performer with good relationships but truth-be-told, I did prioritize time with my kids and never really leaned into the grind lifestyle that would have been required. I assume the conventional advice is - just suck it up and be grateful I have a job?
Just tough to make peace with after being pretty ambitious my whole life. |
Anonymous
Same happened to me at 48. It took me a while to make peace with it, but honestly it allows me to sort of relax and enjoy my current role a little more and allows me to lean into out of work activities to find fulfillment there too. The grind-y rat race wasn’t for me. |
Anonymous
You get to retire comfortably at 55? You are light years ahead of the rest of us… |
Anonymous
| I am topping out at 36. How do you think I feel? |
Anonymous
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Boy, could I have written this!
I'm 55-- I took the VERA and I've made peace with it. But it is hard. Just like you, I was such the golden child . . . but I did prioritize kids over career. I planned to really hit my career into high gear after my kids left home. I planned to work for at least another 10 years. Instead, I felt like I had to take VERA for my own sanity/health and because I really hope/hoped my exit would perhaps save someone younger and without the VERA option from getting laid off. Anyway, I absolutely relate to topping out in your career before you planned. I'm hoping that with retirement I'll throw my weight into service to my community and find peace with that. I hope the same for you. PS-- My mantra is "You are enough." |
Anonymous
| Which is it OP—did you lean out or have you been really ambitious? |
Anonymous
+1 Same here. I don't want to live the grind-y lifestyle -- I love my family and my hobbies and there are only so many hours in the day, you know? I find non-work stuff fulfilling, and not having my identity wrapped up in my job is nice. |
Anonymous
You’ll get over it. Work is highly overrated and you shouldn’t define yourself so much using it. |
Anonymous
You have an imaginary retirement date as 55 is perfect age to get a big job. You have a decade to retirement, kids are older and time to focus. I got laid off at 54 and at 55 got biggest job of career. You can retire at 55. But even now why stay. Someone 50 is only born in 1976. That is a very young for very high level roles. |
Anonymous
You don’t sound ambitious at all. You prioritized your family, you don’t like the grind, and you’re retiring at 55. If you were really ambitious, you’d start grinding right now, looking to move organizations, etc., instead of already throwing in the towel. |
Anonymous
+1. I started a whole new career at 50, and am working my way up to the top, after leaving my previous career that the top. Nothings stopping you from getting to the top. |
Anonymous
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This happened to me last year at 56 when I was passed over for a promotion for an outside hire who is clearly less qualified. It was a gut punch and I felt a lot of feelings for the first six months or so. I still do on occasion, but mostly now I'm just resigned to it.
Like you OP, I don't see an option for jumping ship into something better. I deserved the promotion and would have rocked that role, but I love many aspects of my job and I also can see the light at the end of the tunnel in terms of retirement. Life is not a race, and it's often too short, so I'm trying to focus on the things that make me happy instead of the anger and betrayal about where my career is likely to end. Good luck OP and just know that you're not alone in dealing with something like this! |
Anonymous
As someone who topped out at 37 and have been treading water for a decade I would love to hear more about this. I share OP’s sentiment- I feel kind of embarrassed and sad about not getting further. Intellectually I’ve always known there was only so much room in role x or y and so many more of us trying to get those roles, but you never really hear people talk about the reality of not getting there. In my case I pretty much act like being mommy tracked was my plan all along even though it’s not, so maybe there are a bunch of us out there pretending like we’re fine but feeling disappointed in ourselves and the system. |
Anonymous
I have to agree with this! 55 is entering the pinnacle years, and they go until 65 or so. I don’t understand why you are choosing to check out if you still hold those dreams? 55 is super young. |
Anonymous
| I love this thread because it brings up a reality that I don't think most of us are prepared to face. I am in a mini retirement since being RIFFED from a Fed job. For some of us, our career pathways have been eliminated. So we have to find a meaning and value in new ways. I am now forced to discover a new skillset in a new era (AI+potential totalitarianism). This makes adjusting bumpy and clunky along with the natural ebbs and flows of aging. I am spending my days attending lots of free workshops, artist talks, concerts, and a few new learning opportunities. Overall it is a portal into a new reality, so I embrace it, even though I feel unprepared. |