Resource for young women for identifying relationship flags?

[Anonymous]

Anyone know of a good resource for this without necessarily all the labels? How to have healthy relationships and spot trouble or at least areas to be cautious, including tips how to handle different personalities. Ideally it would be broad enough to cover work relationships as well as personal relationships with friends, family and partnering or romantic. I would have liked to know some things much earlier like pattern type stuff, and how to deal. It’s asking a lot of one resource but please share if you know any good books or online platform.

[Anonymous]

You don’t have intuition?

Were you raised in an abusive environment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t have intuition?

Were you raised in an abusive environment?

We're you? Jeez its a website where people seek help and feedback. Seek help for why you are so attacking.

[Anonymous]

I think you are looking for a therapist.

[Anonymous]

I’m asking to provide nieces with the resource. I think they could use it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m asking to provide nieces with the resource. I think they could use it.

Have they asked you for this? If not, that’s not your lane. Delivering it unsolicited suggests you don’t believe your nieces (any of them?!) are able to see flags on their own, and that they don’t have resources, including friends or other trusted people, that they would talk to about this.

Now in my mid-40s, I’m sure there were all kinds of red flags popping off for my boyfriends when I was high school-aged through, say my mid-20s. I learned my lessons. My friends who were in similar red flag scenarios learned theirs too. I can’t even imagine receiving a handout from one of my aunts (all of whom I adore!) about spotting those red flags. Honestly, some of the red flags were what I was attracted to at that age.

[Anonymous]

This is something people learn over the course of a lifetime. I've been talking to 23 yr old DD since she was 5 or 6 about noticing when people treat others respectfully, verbal abuse, consent, etc. I recall when she was in K and a boy she didn't like, liked her and I taught her the concept of "be gentle with his heart" and she learned to let people down kindly.

OP, I don't think you can give your nieces a book and call it a day.

[Anonymous]

I’m out of the loop these days but I remember reading a website called Let’s Talk which was just excellent. You might try ChatGPT for advice on resources, given how abysmal the advice here is.

[Anonymous]

The Sabrina Zohar podcast. It’s exactly what you’re looking for, great for all ages.

[Anonymous]

I also advise my young adult kids to “trust their inner instinct.” It will rarely fail you.

[Anonymous]

The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker

There is so much on you tube but generally you don’t want to avoid the books and content on narcissism because it does explain the majority of bad behavior in people (especially when you look at it as on a spectrum and NOT. a diagnosis.

[Anonymous]

Burned haystack method. It’s specifically for OLD but it gives a great framework for women in setting and sticking to boundaries, listening to your gut and trusting yourself.

[Anonymous]

Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen.

I am not kidding. It’s all about a young woman who is away from her family and dealing with a lot of strangers for the first time and, surprise!, not all of them are trustworthy. Austen wrote it specifically to give a heads up to younger women she knew about watching out for red flags in new people she meets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen.

I am not kidding. It’s all about a young woman who is away from her family and dealing with a lot of strangers for the first time and, surprise!, not all of them are trustworthy. Austen wrote it specifically to give a heads up to younger women she knew about watching out for red flags in new people she meets.

Jane Austen and Edith Wharton are sharp and sometimes satirical chroniclers of society, status, manners and misdemeanors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m asking to provide nieces with the resource. I think they could use it.

Setting expectations has a way of cutting thru the chaff very quickly.
Good friends are an invaluable barometer for red flags.