WWYD?

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02/10/2026 13:15

Subject: WWYD?

quote

Anonymous

TLDR: We are in a parents' dream well-resourced school district with top-tier SPED/teacher/administration team who have poured everything and a zillion accommodations into our ASD1+anxiety VERY hard to motivate DS (6), resulting in him thriving, loving school, and being very happy.

Planning to relocate to the DMV this summer and I am not finding a school/school system that will provide anything comparable/what he needs.

The current school system goes through high school. Moving to the DMV is better for work and other considerations. Should we move him or stay here? WWYD?

(I welcome all recommendations, but had hoped to find a public school district through HS. Private is likely out of reach, but give your recommendations anyway, please.)

The long version:
We are in a beautiful, tiny, well-resourced school district in another state that has and incredibly dedicated SPED team and teachers/providers/paras/social worker/staff that have all been with the school for 10+ years. The school district is able to pay better, be selective, and have the resources and time needed to adequately help the kids they serve. The school/SPED personnel and principal are superb and devoted to SN kids. They work together as a cohesive team and want to work there, so they stay. It has been a wonderful situation for our child as he faced crippling anxiety at the beginning of the school year.

DS's anxiety was so significant that he was either fighting or flight-ing the first part of the school year and was completed unable to access the curriculum (or anything else) during large swaths of his days due to his hyperarousal/hyperalert state. The school took this in stride and supported him every step of the way by adding tons of accommodations, which required a lot of resources on the school's part.

Notwithstanding his anxiety disorder, DS has a very difficult time attending. But another huge concern is that DS is generally unmotivated to do anything other than what he wants to do at that moment. So all of his gains happened because this team held his hand the whole way through (and sometimes/often? dragging him by it, figuratively, of course). Without significant encouragement, oversight, follow-through, and consequences, DS will not do his assigned work or stay on task. I fear that DS's lack of motivation and eschewing hard-work (any work?) will not change and that he will not be successful unless his school works hard to motivate him and holds him accountable.

Because of his current school team and their above-and-beyond efforts, our ASD1+anxiety DS's anxiety is managed; he's had many wins, and is a thriving, happy boy who is excited to go to school every day.

BUT, we have a planned move to the DMV over the summer.

I have searched and searched in various forums and formats, and have been unable to find any DMV public school district remotely close to what I've described. Some of the privates seem to be the only kind-of comparable options. Plus, affording privates will be tough and possibly will become out of reach.

So, WWYD? Stay or go?

We could figure out staying in the current location, although one spouse, personally, really does not want to stay, and the other spouse would have to switch jobs, which would not be the easiest thing to do. Of course any and all recommendations and feedback are appreciated.