Divorce with an elderly dog- when is it time?
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Anonymous
My ex-husband and I got a dog when we were dating- she’ll be 14 next month. Our divorce was finalized 3 weeks ago today 
We have two kids, ages 7 and 9. Our dog is a 10 pound miniature dachshund. She is SO sweet. The kids absolutely adore her. The divorce was contentious. My XH hates the dog (because…responsibility). The kids know he hates her. But he still tolerates her for the kids. The dog is now I’d say, 70% incontinent, and doesn’t sleep well. So for example, yesterday, she woke me up at 5:30, I fed her, let her out for 15 minutes. Got the kids up at 6 to go to school. By the time I drove them to the bus stop at 6:30 she had peed in the house. They wanted her to come with us to the bus stop, so we brought her in the car. While waiting for the bus, she pooped in the car. Today I’ve cleaned up two pees (no poop, but that’s unusual). I usually come home to a poop accident, but they’re small…ish. The constant stress of the incontinence is really, really tough. But other than that, she’s super happy. She truly is the sweetest dog. She is also mostly deaf. We share custody of her- she goes with the kids- but she is mostly crated at XH’s house. She’s helped the kids so much through this divorce. And I absolutely love her, but it’s impossible to find a Dogsitter (understandably). It causes so much more stress between x and me. At what point is it like- enough is enough? She also has spinal issues so will often fall into her poop after she poops in the house. Gah, the parts of pet ownership they don’t warn you about. I don’t even know if I could go through with putting her down for my selfish reasons (sleep, less stress, running home constantly). The kids are so attached. Advice? I can’t confine her to one room, she wants to be close to me always. Thankfully we have hardwoods, so it’s not a nasty mess, it’s just constant
The timing of this just SUCKS. |
Anonymous
| Also, can you train her to only go on an astroturf pad? |
Anonymous
| I tried dog diapers (not OP) and he just chews and rips them off. Also tried training to go on pee pads and at 10 years old the dog refuses to use them. Actually goes right next to the pad but will avoid the pad at all costs. It’s exhausting. We are considering euthanasia. I’m also a single mom who works full time. Can’t afford dog walkers or dog sitters. |
Anonymous
| Dog diapers, and big dog blankets on the floor. |
Anonymous
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Incontinence in elder dogs is not something you train to a toileting pad - she’s incontinent, like our president, and she will pee and poop whenever her bladder and colon are ready to let loose.
Get the dog diapers and be grateful she’s small and easy to bathe in the sink. |
Anonymous
| PP from above: also meant to say I have listed my dog in adoption sites as well. No takers …..and from what I understand if I surrender him to the county he will be caged for a few weeks and if no one adopts him they will put him down. I hate to do that to him. Who wants to adopt a ten year old dog who is incontinent |
Anonymous
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I had to put my dog in diapers for a while due to an obstruction issue that enlarged his colon. Due to his very fluffy tail, they leaked a bit, which wasn't great, but for a Dachshund, I think you wouldn't have that problem. The washable ones tend to fit better than the disposable ones. I hope you can find ones small enough? Definitely give it a try!
On Rover, there are some sitters who accept dogs with issues, but you will need to provide well-fitting diapers. |
Anonymous
Me again. That's just temporary, while you get to grips with the euthanasia solution vis-a-vis the kids. She's 17, it actually IS time for that, but with the divorce and young kids... you're going to have to go with your gut feeling on timing. You cannot give her away to someone else, that would be even more cruel. |
Anonymous
| My friend's miniature poodle wears diapers, and it seems to work. I don't know the reason for the diapers, but whenever I am at their house, the dog seems happy and acts normally. |
Anonymous
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I would get on breeders lists and see how long a puppy would be. It sounds like you want and like having a dog. Some breeds don’t have super long wait lists. We had to wait a year for ours. I’m not saying you should get one immediately but 3-6m might be a big boost.
I would think of how much your dog is or isn’t enjoying its life. It’s always such a hard decision. My former dog wore diapers due to seizures and it wasn’t a big deal because he was a boy (the bands are easier than female diapers). One day he couldn’t stop seizing and that’s when I knew. It was so hard and I wished he’d just pass away in his sleep. |
Anonymous
| I think you need to try the diapers. I think putting your beloved dog down now will be really hard on the kids after the upheaval of divorce. Also, is there any way you can keep her with you and not go to x's house if she's caged the whole time? |
Anonymous
| Your dog sounds very sweet and loved. Try the diapers! Mine has worn them for 2 years. He is sweet but as he aged tried to mark everything including the kids. He still walks past them and lifts his legs. He is our love and so am happy to make his life easier in his old age. Dog stays with you, don't send over to ex's house. |
Anonymous
| When not at home confine her to a soft sided playpen and put puppy pads down. |
Anonymous
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Have you been to the vet?
Assuming there's no medical fix, it's time. The dog does not want to live like this. I'm sorry. I've been there (incontinent falling down dog) and it's kind to give her a peaceful end at home. |