6 year old won't keep hands to himself

[Anonymous]

Help! My six year old son (almost 7) is really struggling to keep his hands to himself. His school has flagged the behavior a handful of times this year through email. It seems to happen during recess and gym. It's often characterized as keeping his hands to himself, but it can also be pushing, kicking, hitting -- a lot of time it is not reading the room and getting too rough during a game.

Academically, he is doing fine and I am unaware of him being disruptive in the classroom. He has one sibling, who he also gets rough with when they are fighting (two boys). It turns physical quickly. I am at my wits end. We talk about it all the time, but it's not sinking in. Anyone else been there/ done that, and what worked for you? I'm worried it's going to begin impacting his friendships.

In case it's helpful, he doesn't have/ have access to a tablet or computer. No TV during the week, but he is allowed to watch some on the weekends (either an animated movie or show, or he also likes shows about building and science - nothing violent). We have him in organized sports (basketball, soccer, etc), which he likes fine but doesn't love. We used to have him in tai kwon do, but dropped it a few months ago for other activities as he didn't seem to care about it and it was quite expensive. We've spoken to his pediatrician about it, she said it seemed like impulse control but wasn't too concerned with ADHD or anything like that.

Would love strategies and suggestions!!!! Thank you!

[Anonymous]

This isn't "not keeping hands to himself." It's hitting, kicking, pushing, being rough with other kids.

Not "reading the room"? What kind of denial is this. He will hurt someone.

Martial arts would be good. Teach discipline and restraint.

[Anonymous]

He needs reminders before these less structured settings to keep his hands to himself. An adult needs to be watching and remind him before recess and gym class, and then he needs close monitoring during these times so he can be pulled out before he escalates to hitting or grabbing. His brain is not yet mature enough to self-monitor. An adult also needs to praise him every so often for keeping his hands to himself when he is successful. If he does put hands on someone, he needs to be immediately pulled out and sat out, as quickly as possible so his brain makes the connection. It will improve with maturity.

[Anonymous]

He gets a time out every. single. time. he pushes, hits, or kicks, or continues playing with or touching someone when they "no" or "stop." Immediately. Less than 10 seconds.

"We talk about it all the time..."

He's SIX not eighteen. Stop talking, have an immediate consequence that removes him from the fun, and his system will learn.

Jesus, the Gentle Parents are ruining this generation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He gets a time out every. single. time. he pushes, hits, or kicks, or continues playing with or touching someone when they "no" or "stop." Immediately. Less than 10 seconds.

"We talk about it all the time..."

He's SIX not eighteen. Stop talking, have an immediate consequence that removes him from the fun, and his system will learn.

Jesus, the Gentle Parents are ruining this generation.

Just to make it clear, this INCLUDES with the brother. It's actually great that he has a sibling he does this with, because that means it's happening in your sight and in your control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He gets a time out every. single. time. he pushes, hits, or kicks, or continues playing with or touching someone when they "no" or "stop." Immediately. Less than 10 seconds.

"We talk about it all the time..."

He's SIX not eighteen. Stop talking, have an immediate consequence that removes him from the fun, and his system will learn.

Jesus, the Gentle Parents are ruining this generation.

This is OP. I just want to make clear that he does actually get a timeout anytime this happens under my or my husband's watch. He gets time out and we take away toys, cancel plans as a consequence, etc. I say "We talk about it all the time..." because, unfortunately, I am not at school and so there is an element of talking about what is appropriate at school and mapping out the day.

Anyway, I am not trying to be defensive because I clearly don't have it all figured out, but before everyone else piles on about gentle parenting, I wanted to add this.

[Anonymous]

Take him for an actual evaluation. Pediatricians are not great at all aspects of development. My DD is a rockstar student and very good with adults and I cannot tell you how many people told us we were nuts for even taking her to a developmental pediatrician. Well, the actual expert gathered some evidence and diagnosed her with SEVERE ADHD. She is only hyperactive-impulsive and doesn’t have attention issues, and a lot of people don’t realize that you can fit the criteria for just some categories. She is doing great now.

For reference, her private kindergarten class started the counseling out process after a single instance of “not keeping her hands to herself “. Public is different, obviously, but it really is not something to take lightly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take him for an actual evaluation. Pediatricians are not great at all aspects of development. My DD is a rockstar student and very good with adults and I cannot tell you how many people told us we were nuts for even taking her to a developmental pediatrician. Well, the actual expert gathered some evidence and diagnosed her with SEVERE ADHD. She is only hyperactive-impulsive and doesn’t have attention issues, and a lot of people don’t realize that you can fit the criteria for just some categories. She is doing great now.

For reference, her private kindergarten class started the counseling out process after a single instance of “not keeping her hands to herself “. Public is different, obviously, but it really is not something to take lightly.

What are you doing now that has helped her?