If your kid wants you in the room as they fall asleep….
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Anonymous
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.. how and when did it end.
My kid is scared when I’m not in the room as she falls asleep, so we usually stick around after she finishes reading. I keep saying, “she’s only a kid once and she probably won’t tolerate me in her room for much longer…” I thought that by this age (9), she’d be ready to regularly fall asleep on her own, but there’s no sign of that coming. I don’t mind keeping her company—it’s a point of connection. I wonder if I’m stealing a sense of independence or pride by allowing this to go on for too long. As an aside, she’s fine at sleepovers because another kid is in the room. |
Anonymous
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Our kid was like this until around 7. We stumbled upon a transition on a night when the adults in the house had to do something else at bedtime and told 7 yo that we'd check on them at X time--at which point the kid was already asleep.
We shifted to doing bedtime stuff, tucking kid into bed, and offering reassurance that we'd come back to "check on you" in 10 minutes, 15 minutes, etc. Kid was almost always asleep by that time. At some point they realized that they could fall asleep by themselves and that is what they've done thereafter. (I do still check on them occasionally, though!) |
Anonymous
| My 15 year old DD with anxiety still occasionally wants this, but my other kids didn't. |
Anonymous
| Unless there’s anxiety at play I’d stop now. You’ve created a habit that’s working for her. It won’t stop unless you make the change. |
Anonymous
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You can start by saying you need to run do something real quick and then check back in, and then lengthen the time you leave for, but check back. My kid did better when I suggested something nice to think about while I was out of the room.
What you are trying to do here is teach her that she can soothe herself. |
Anonymous
| Do you leave the door open or use a night light? |
Anonymous
| My kid is only 6 but we do have a routine of staying in her room until she falls asleep. However, recently she has been asking to listen to podcasts/audio stories and she is okay with us leaving her alone with that. So I can leave on the podcast and when it ends turn on the lullabies on my phone and she falls asleep without me there. |
Anonymous
| My 15year old still wants me to "put him to bed". At this age though it's just lying with him for a bit as I go to bed earlier than he does these days. |
Anonymous
| Slowly back the chair up every night by 5 feet. Eventually you're in the hallway, then in your bedroom. |
Anonymous
This isn’t normal |
Anonymous
Oh well. It won’t last much longer so I’ll take 5 minutes to talk to him with no distractions while I can. |
Anonymous
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I haven't stayed in a room with any of my kids since they were very small, but two of them really struggled with weaning from this. We were upfront about the fact that we were going to end the practice. Then we worked out a plan- either fewer minutes each night, or moving away from the bed a few feet each night.
Our oldest needed us move away from the room a few feet each night. (So start at the bed, then middle of the room, then the door, then the hall). Our youngest was ok with us staying fewer minutes each night. Then we needed to check on him after 5 minutes. I would try both |
Anonymous
| Enjoy it while it lasts. |
Anonymous
| They never did, thank goodness. |
Anonymous
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My kids shared a room when they were in elementary, so I think for this reason didn't need me to stay in the room with them. So think of it as being there because your kid doesn't have a sibling. I don't think there is anything wrong with it particularly, humans are social animals, falling asleep alone is not really very natural, don't you think?
If you do want to stop the routine, you can leave the door open until after they've fallen asleep, or get a special stuffy/doll/whatnot, that will watch over them. |