New Gen Z mom looking for phone advice

[Anonymous]

Hello! I’m a new mom (28) who has a young toddler and I’m looking for any advice you can give about managing your social life, social media, and family. I’m the first of my friends to have a baby & am trying to focus on being more present. I have a very social job that I love (and a good childcare situation) and don’t want to give some things up, but am in multiple friend groups through work and college friends, and family that doesn’t live in the area. I feel like every waking moment I’m taking to someone through the phone or social media.

Now that my kid is walking and more alert, I’m sensing that I need to scale some of my phone time back but have so much fomo! And also everything is done through my phone like grocery shopping, FaceTiming out of state friends, ect. How have you managed to stay present especially when many of your friends are in a different phase of life?

[Anonymous]

You put the phone away and get over the FOMO. It sounds easier than it is, I get that. But it's time to grow up a bit, you're no longer that care free, no major responsibilities, person you used to be. You don't need to answer friends the second they text you. You don't need to answer every call, you can call back during nap times or after bedtime.

The reality is, you're in a different stage of your life now. You'll likely lose some friendships, and that's ok.

[Anonymous]

My only advice is the most common but also the most true. The time with your kids flies by so fast, especially the youngest years. Do NOT put others in front of your child because that is what you would be doing. Flip what you have been doing. Instead of focusing on your friends and social outlets, focus on your child now that they are becoming more of themselves and put the friends in the background. Don't ignore them but your child should always have priority. Mine are now in college and I am so glad that I did just that way back when.

[Anonymous]

Is this post real? Most new moms are so enamored of their baby/toddler that the main problem is posting too many pics of your kid, not ignoring your child to be on Facebook or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this post real? Most new moms are so enamored of their baby/toddler that the main problem is posting too many pics of your kid, not ignoring your child to be on Facebook or whatever.

I'm 39 and was the first of my friends to have a kid, hell I was pretty much the first to get married. I remember the change in friendships and dynamics was a little hard for me too. And I definitely had moments of feeling like I was missing out on things because they could do whatever they wanted and I couldn't. I wasn't as attached to my phone as OP is, but I still can understand where her thoughts are coming from.

[Anonymous]

Maybe set aside a specific amount of time each day to be "phoneless" when spending time with baby. Once they are eating solids, you could consider meal prep and dinner time "together time".

[Anonymous]

Your toddler must sleep sometime

Put your longer phone use browsing away until then.

0-5 is very valuable time as far as brain development.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, our rule was once they "get it" (somewhere between 6 and 12 months), no more phone in front of the kids.

Especially if you're working, let's assume the baby is asleep 8pm-7am (minimum) that means you check your phone and answer texts and stuff on your commute, and then from 5:30-8, you're with your kid and your spouse - playing with your kid, catching up with your spouse, making dinner and having dinner, bedtime routine. Then once the kid is in bed, you have the rest of the evening to be on your phone.

Same in the morning. If you want some phone time, get up before the baby gets up. From 7-8:30am, you are getting the baby up, getting him dressed, feeding him breakfast, playing a little, and getting out the door. You can check your phone on your commute or once you get to the office.

Now, with one kid, you might be able to do some divide and conquer. When we had one, one of us did the morning routine with the kid, while the other had time to themselves. That could be phone time every other day - just out of sight of the baby. Same in the evening - we would spend the evening together as a family, but then one of us would do the bedtime routine, so you might be able to pick up your phone at 7:30 when you're not on bedtime duty.

If you're actually "talking" to someone (ie, not texting) I think you could put your phone on speaker and have a conversation while you play with the baby, but with the phone face down so the screen isn't visible to either of you. But not all the time.

Honestly - it's going to feel hard/boring at first. You're probably a little addicted. And yes, you WILL miss out on some conversations. Some relationships won't go the distance. But most will, and they'll adjust. But NOW is the chance the develop the family life you want for you and your kid - do you really want to be one foot out the door, essentially, all the time?

[Anonymous]

I have multiple friend groups and not a bit of that includes social media. You aren’t going to have as much time for happy hour with the girls. That’s ok. If you are not a troll, then you are immature to have FOMO like this.

[Anonymous]

You’re not missing out on anything.
Let go of the constant non essential phone time.

[Anonymous]

maybe a troll