Activities or specialists who can help teen with public speaking and presentation skills?

[Anonymous]

DS is 14, had pretty severe ASD/ADHD issues when he was younger, including severe social challenges. But is really starting to come into his own, maturing, doing exceptional in school, has a group of friends who he's seeing outside of school, etc. We are super proud of him.

He's always been very weak when it comes to how he presents himself. It doesn't help that he was essentially a pariah as a kid, constantly in trouble, socially awkward, etc. etc., and he has no siblings or cousins, couldn't do most extracurriculars or camp when he was younger, etc. Basically, for a lot of his younger years, we lived a fairly isolated life (i'm sure many SN parents are familiar).

The last five years since covid have been better - he's got friends, he's more social at school, we've had more adult friends over that he needs to interact with etc. But at core, it's clear when watching him that he's super tense whenever he's asked to engage with anyone outside his immediate comfort group (parents, grandparents, closest friends). He's slouchy, struggles with eye contact, mumbles, hands on his face, etc. His personality doesn't really match the vibe that his (grumpy) body language is giving off. He's actually an exceptionally parent-pleasing kid who is nervous about messing up and not doing right. (comes from all those years of being in trouble).

We've been talking to him about the messaging his body language sends, but ultimately i think this just comes from practice. We're trying, but he's not getting enough regular opportunities to practice and get immediate feedback.

Because of his anxiety, he has zero interest in extracurriculars involving public speaking. I've suggested debate club (lots of kids at his MS do it) and other activities, but he refuses, and even if i forced him, he's just go and participate as little as possible, or choose the non-speaking role. That's fine, i'm not going to force him. But I'd like him to practice the basic skills of being comfortable greeting new people, shaking hands while standing straight and making eye contact, answering a few questions without getting nervous. DH mentioned cotillion lol (we're in the south) as being exactly on point for this, but we both agree we have no interest in him learning the cultural BS that comes with that.

I'm curious if anyone is aware of any activities for kids in a similar boat. Is this a therapy thing, a social skills group thing, is there a toastmasters for kids, or is there another activity I should be looking for in my community?

[Anonymous]

As a HS teacher, this is so typical for many boys this age with and without SN. I don’t have any great advice or activities to speed up maturity but just wanted to let you know my son was terribly awkward at 14 and had a ton of social anxiety. I can relate to a lot of what you wrote.

He’s a completely different person at 18. He totally transformed junior year, partly I think as a natural part of growing up and not as a result of any of the past things we tried. I really think it was just getting through puberty.

I know that’s not helpful!

[Anonymous]

What is his special interest? My autistic child became a really good presenter and really good at answering questions because those skills are embedded into her favorite activity. It's much easier to learn hard skills through a special interest.

[Anonymous]

Improv? What is your kid interested in? The things that my kids developed an organic interest in, by themselves, ended up being the most transformative experiences for them.

I agree with the HS poster and think that maybe don't worry about this right now. Be happy your kid is doing better and has friends.