Normal?

[Anonymous]

After 5 months of middle school, DD has turned from a bright eyed elementary kid to a seemingly depressed teen who likes to stay in her room.

I’m trying to figure out how much of this mood and staying away from us as parents is normal in 7th grade?

[Anonymous]

That’s not normal.

[Anonymous]

Not normal. You need to figure out what is wrong. I would not ignore this.

[Anonymous]

Not normal. Is she being bullied by students or adults? Are the academic demands a little too intense for her right now? Or maybe she's lost her friend group? There are a lot of friend group shifts at that age... I hope she can share what's wrong, OP. Your priority is to keep communication lines open. Talk to her without pressure or judgment.

[Anonymous]

Middle school can be rough. Parents need to find out what is going on with DC.

[Anonymous]

This is from AI.

Middle schoolers retreating to their room with music and a blanket after school is a common sign of after-school restraint collapse, a healthy need for decompression after holding it together all day; it's their brain and body's way of resetting, not defiance, and providing a quiet, low-demand space with sensory comforts like music, a blanket, and a snack helps them recharge, process the day, and eventually transition to family time, as noted in Way to Grow and ParentMap.

It’s more common than parents think. The tough part is getting them to transition out of it and do homework or dinner or activity. Speaking to a professional in health care can help you, maybe an evaluation.

[Anonymous]

Spending much more time in her room is totally normal, depression not so much. Other than the room thing, what are you seeing that makes you think she's depressed?

If you see mental health red flags you should definitely jump on them.

[Anonymous]

It’s normal, weirdos. Normal is a wide spectrum.

[Anonymous]

Can be entirely normal. Is she increasingly negative? Retreating from activities she used to enjoy? Not wanting to engage at all with her peers or family? Completing assignments on time and adequately? Just be the constant, steady presence. Sleep, exercise and food are your friends here.

My DD went through a rough patch in early middle school and simply being available, letting her come to me and just seek hugs -- not necessarily talk -- helped tremendously. I also set a weekly routine where we walked to get boba and/or went to the independent bookstore. We also have one show we watch together regularly. Just creating the space for her to open up on her own terms - or not - helped.

Finally, if your DD has a friend group outside of school, maybe lean on them on a weekend. Sometimes the friend groups change and having another pool of friends to hang out with is helpful.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After 5 months of middle school, DD has turned from a bright eyed elementary kid to a seemingly depressed teen who likes to stay in her room.

I’m trying to figure out how much of this mood and staying away from us as parents is normal in 7th grade?

I think it's normal for a kid that age to:

-Have much more noticeable mood swings
-Need down time when they get home from school (see what PP posted about decompressing after school)
-Turn toward peers increasingly as opposed to family

What is not normal is if your child does not find joy in anything at all and isn't interested in doing anything at all. That's depression. The going in the room part isn't necessarily a problem. What is she doing in her room? Chatting happily with friends? Sleeping? Laying in bed staring at the ceiling? Listening to music and then comes out for dinner and is up for heading out for an ice cream after?

[Anonymous]

This is the exact age that is exploited by bad individuals and systems on social media. Imho it is necessary (yes also difficult) to at a least manage the amount of their day they can free range with random strangers and systems. Yes despite the necessary creating of separate identity from parents. The risks are to great.

[Anonymous]

The room door is closed but keep your communication with her wide open (even by text chat if you have to). Monitor who/what is in her life digitally and physically. Trust your intuition…if academics, friendships, etc is off, get involved in the best way you can…you know what that means for your daughter’s temperament and personality. If there is an activity that feeds her soul, lean into that and explore new things.

Give her some grace, so many adjustments happening at this time, new school with so many new faces, she may be experiencing puberty. Has her screen/social media usage significantly increased on average compared to elementary school? This is the first place to look to see what is really going on and what could be impacting her behavior.