When can I stop supervising and checking
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Anonymous
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DS just turned 9. I feel like multiple times daily I have to remind for every single thing. I have dropped most supervision but have to check later visually. He does have a checklist of items to take to school set up right by his backpack cubby. He doesn’t always check it.
Daily reminders are things like: -clean up the room you were just in -turn the lights out -unpack your backpack (he usually does, but details are lost, like remember to put your lunch box in the dishwasher. Don’t leave the water bottle in the bag - take it out, dump water out, and put by sink so I can wash it). -hang coat, don’t dump - pick up dirty clothes and wet towel from bedroom and bathroom -did you brush your teeth and floss? (Mostly he already has and I don’t have to remind). -clear your place at the table. No, not on the counter. Scrape it and put in dishwasher -take a hat and gloves Are these unreasonable to put on a 9 year old for daily tasks? If I didn’t say these, he’d go to school without his water bottle and hat in 15 degree weather, breakfast dishes piled by the sink, Pjs all over his room, and the lights on in every room of the house. And that’s just the morning. I don’t make him make his bed. |
Anonymous
| These are not unreasonable requests. But you've got awhile to go before you won't be giving reminders. It's easier with the younger kids because they emulate the older ones. But reminders are just a part of daily life when you have kids. |
Anonymous
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Remind once then just have them live eight he consequences. My kid went out to the bus without a hat and gloves once. Doesn't forget now. If they don't hang up their towel, they don't get a clean towel. My kid likes home lunch, I'm not washing lunch boxes in the am. So if she doesn't take it out and bring to sink, she's buying lunch at school.
9 is a great age to have these tasks mostly their responsibility with a few reminders. |
Anonymous
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I also have a 9 year old and also wonder this. I'm still doing most of the same reminders, OP. Last night I was so happy because DD sat down and finished her homework with no distraction at all (I did have to tell her she needed to do it, but no arguments and she just got it out and found everything she needed for it and did it, which is a good progression for us) but then got up and just left it all over the table. So I had to remind her to gather it all up and put it in her homework folder and put the folder in her backpack. Maybe she would haver remembered on her own eventually but also I wanted the dining table clear for dinner.
So I don't know, it feels like it's' going to be a few more years of this at least. We try to stay organized and use checklists so she can at least consult the checklist instead of me having to remember everything. But there's always something. It's only in the last couple months where I've been able to trust her to remember to put on her glasses every morning, for instance. For years I've had to reminder as she starts to walk out the door without them, and then one day it just clicked and now she never forgets. Hopefully there will be more and more of that. |
Anonymous
Yes, I knowingly let him leave without a lunch once last year. School (public) called me and demanded I come drop it off. Teacher mentioned it at conference time too. |
Anonymous
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You should rephrase this question and repost on tween/teen asking how many people have teens that can do all of things independently.
I have boys in high school and one still struggles with some of these. Talking to other moms several jf his friends do as well. |
Anonymous
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I don't have to remind my 9 year old (or my 14 year old) of really anything- water bottle occasionally, or something that's out of the ordinary is all. Part of it is that we set up things in a way that we'll remember. (Lunches packed with water bottle and snack, hat with coat, things in the backpack the night before).
Unfortunately....my 12 year old is another story. I have to remind her of pretty much everything. But she has ADHD- and we're working to get her more automated for herself. We still do all the same stuff- pre-arrange as much as possible. Go through what we have to have before we leave the house. Make sure things are a habit, as much as possible (so same schedule, same items etc.) |
Anonymous
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😂😂😂
Hopefully your kid doesn’t have ADHD or you’re gonna be doing this till college. On one level or another. |
Anonymous
| Still waiting with my 17yo Dd |
Anonymous
Did your kid have money for lunch or did you expect him to go hungry? The latter isn't ok and you should have been called. |
Anonymous
NP. What happened to natural consequences? Learning from experience? Personally, if my kid older than first or second grade forgets something and it isn't literally critical to health & safety, they can do without on that day and hopefully realize the importance of bringing their stuff in the future. Absent a medical condition, the worst thing that happens if a kid goes without lunch one day is.... they're hungry, they realize they don't like not having lunch, and in the future they care more about remembering their lunch. I find it ridiculous that the school interfered if it hadn't become a disruptive pattern. |
Anonymous
There isn’t hot lunch but he gets lunch milk and there seem to always be emergency food. Like pretzels, bread and spreads, fruit. IMO a kid would be fine having an apple and a bag of pretzels with milk as lunch for one day! They were also required to bring a daily snack and water bottle, so it’s not like he would have been dehydrated or faint with hunger. |
Anonymous
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Oh yeah- we don't bring a lunch or water bottles if they forget (no health problems here). They can always buy school lunch if they have to.
For my three kids I have brought exactly one item in all their years of schooling (oldest is 9th grader). It was an unusual situation leading to forget something for a group project. Generally naturally consequences are the way to go- but my kid with ADHD would forget things every single day, natural consequences be damned. Her brain just does not learn that way (and it's easy to see how different she is from my other two). The self-flagellation that she goes through when she messes up should be enough to teach her, but it isn't. She needs the reminders and guard rails to get her through. |
Anonymous
| Do you have a checklist for the morning routine? |
Anonymous
| Ask the school if you can send frozen sandwiches to be used if your kid forgets lunch. |