How often do you apologize?

[Anonymous]

I learned as a young adult that taking responsibility for my part in things and apologizing goes a very long way in avoiding unnecessary conflict and defusing negative emotions. Makes it much easier for the other person to also own their stuff and to talk things out. I am now early 50s and so have decades of apologies under my belt!

I was talking to someone the other day who told me rarely apologizes. I was kind of surprised. Her view seemed to be that other people cause problems, not her. It definitely made me distance myself from her as personal responsibility and accountability are really important qualities i need in friends.

But it made me wonder how often people apologize?

[Anonymous]

Honestly? I do try to learn from past mistakes so ideally I’m not on a constant apology tour. Growth is underrated.

That said, I’ll absolutely apologize when I screw up. Taking responsibility is just basic adulting, and yes, it does defuse a lot of nonsense.

But I side-eye the idea that maturity = racking up “decades of apologies.” If you’re apologizing constantly, either you’re surrounded by chaos… or you’re over-owning things that aren’t actually yours. (Women are especially good at this.)

So how often do I apologize? When I’m wrong. According to my husband (or at least he’d better say this lol), that is never, which I think proves my emotional maturity just fine. HAHA.

[Anonymous]

When I'm wrong, or when I'm not but it's not worth continuing an argument/conflict.

[Anonymous]

When I'm wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly? I do try to learn from past mistakes so ideally I’m not on a constant apology tour. Growth is underrated.

That said, I’ll absolutely apologize when I screw up. Taking responsibility is just basic adulting, and yes, it does defuse a lot of nonsense.

But I side-eye the idea that maturity = racking up “decades of apologies.” If you’re apologizing constantly, either you’re surrounded by chaos… or you’re over-owning things that aren’t actually yours. (Women are especially good at this.)

So how often do I apologize? When I’m wrong. According to my husband (or at least he’d better say this lol), that is never, which I think proves my emotional maturity just fine. HAHA.

I am not apologizing constantly nor surrounded by chaos. But when I say or do something that led to some kind of negative reaction and response - be it at home or work or with friends - and I can see my role in it, I apologize. Doesn’t mean I grovel at someone’s feet, just acknowledge that I am sorry and could have said or done things differently.

I think I apologized 3 times this week. One I missed an email and therefore a deadline at work. Two - I didn’t return a text from a friend as I needed to check my calendar and then forgot to answer her and she needed a reply, and Three - I apologized at home because I was tired and snapped back a response when asked a completely reasonable question. All very minor things but I could have done things differently in all 3 cases.

[Anonymous]

Any time I'm wrong, or inadvertently bump someone, or talk over someone, I will apologize.

If I'm not apologizing but just sad, I will say something like "I'm sorry you're dealing with that."

[Anonymous]

When I'm wrong. I have no problem apologizing and admitting my mistakes or when I'm wrong.

I try not to say I'm sorry for people's circumstances as I've had a few people point out it's a silly expression. There are other ways to point out empathy than apologizing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I'm wrong.

Translation: Never

[Anonymous]

I apologize when I'm wrong. It tends to disarm some people . . . they expect (perhaps want) an argument, but there's not much to argue about after "I was wrong, I am sorry, and I will make a sincere effort not to do/say that in the future."

[Anonymous]

Do I say sorry if I accidentally step on someone's foot, sure.

Do I have years of experience "under my belt" apologizing, no.

People who are quick to apologize think it the end of the issue.

Others understand the situation, their part in it, take accountability and do better. This is way harder than... "oh sorry".

A true apology has an acknowledgement, commitment to change, and rebuilding of trust.

At some point very early in your adult years you should not be committing so many offenses that you need to apologize.

I'm not sure where your train went off the track but if you are apologizing that much you have some serious deep-rooted issues.

[Anonymous]

I’m not apologizing all the time, but I definitely apologize when I’ve screwed up or inconvenienced someone.

I will say that I’m a woman in my 50s and this morning I was dealing with a 35ish male at my company who is much more junior and screwed something up. His lack of apology was noticeable to me. I’m unimpressed.

[Anonymous]

deciding on being wrong is subjective and a lot of people don't feel a need to accept their mistake because it comes with the responsibility, shame and embarrassment of saying Sorry.

My thing - sorry sets you free. You think you did a mistake, knowingly and unknowingly then say sorry and then you don't have to worry about the stress of defending yourself or facing a constant battle within yourself to prove yourself right.
I think it all depends on how much ego and stubborn you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I'm wrong, or when I'm not but it's not worth continuing an argument/conflict.

This although I'm very stubborn so it takes a lot for me to get to the second one.

[Anonymous]

I’m intentional

[Anonymous]

I agree the person who says she rarely apologizes and claims other people cause problems but she doesn't is a big old red flag.

Everyone makes mistakes and when in doubt, defuse a situation.