How to increase growth mindset in ASD teen

[Anonymous]

I have a 17 year old who is a senior. He has ASD and the rigid thinking and ability to take a problem into hopelessness in 30 seconds or less. If there is a challenge, set back or something where he is making mistakes, his reaction is pretty bad. Just an extra: he has a C in calc and when asked how he can improve or what can he do differently, he gets angry and then just yells that he doesn’t know, that he makes careless mistakes and will always make careless mistakes and there’s nothing he can do. And it is like that with everything that doesn’t go his way or causes him difficulty. Is it too much for to expect him to take these challenges, perhaps gain some insight/problem solve instead of just not taking accountability, being angry and giving up? What has worked with your teens/ young adults. We are in a family therapy (since he refuses individual therapy) and have had discussions but I don’t know if he is getting it.

[Anonymous]

My gut feeling as a parent of a 21 yo with ASD is that yes, what you are asking is unrealistic and too much. Reflection is a process a person undertakes on their own. If i made a mistake at work it would not help me if my mom asked me what I could do differently—it would just be annoying.

I think first of all a C in calc is maybe fine? He is passing the class. Is this really a problem?
I think you can offer options for support (“would you like a tutor?” “Here’s a link to a video on studying calculus if you want to watch it”) but ultimately cultivating his autonomy is what will lead to success for him.

[Anonymous]

I also think the catastrophizing is pretty normal for an ASD teen and it gets better over time. A psychologist told me to think about my ASD teen as four years behind his actual age. What you are describing wouldn’t be that unexpected in someone who is 13/14 emotionally.

[Anonymous]

It's taken my ASD kid about 6 years of intensive therapy to stop doing this. It's a really hard skill to learn and even harder to implement. DBT would probably be the best tool to work through this but he would need a DBT group and be willing to do the work.

My guess is that he's struggling in Cacl and doesn't know how to ask for help. He's 1/2 through the year and lost so when asked what to do, he says he doesn't know. Would he be willing to work with a virtual tutor 1:1? Right now, he doesn't know how to problem solve. You can start by offering solutions when he's receptive to hearing them. When he's dysregulated it is not the time.

[Anonymous]

“Growth mindset” is pseudoscience cr*p so don’t get stuck on that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Growth mindset” is pseudoscience cr*p so don’t get stuck on that.

This.

OP who is asking how your DS can improve in Calculus? Him or you?

+1 DBT is the way to go if you can ever get him to therapy.