Winter formal dress guidelines

[Anonymous]

Dear DCUM,

DD, 16, is going dress shopping for a winter formal dress this weekend. I thought it was weird to have three dances in a year for juniors once you add in hoco and prom but looking back at high school the dances were some of my favorite memories. Sorry, off on a tangent! Anyhoo, I agreed to pay for part of her dress cost but I said that I would make some restrictions. I’m in policy, not fashion, so I’m not sure what is normal for that kind of dress. Please suggest ideas for length, coverage, etc if possible.

Thank you for listening,
Marlene

[Anonymous]

I would suggest keep telling your daughter that you’ll pay for part of the dress, have her be part of the shopping experience and budget setting

Then, when it comes time to pay, surprise her and pay for the whole thing.

She can now use the money to go have fun with her friends

Sorry I can’t offer advice on fashion

[Anonymous]

Ask her what restrictions she thinks are reasonable. There have been studies on this - kids are generally harsher on themselves than the adults would be. See if you like what she comes up with.

[Anonymous]

They are all wearing very short dresses that don't have much "coverage." Make peace with that, and give up this notion of having "restrictions." Go shopping with her, and let her get what she wants.

[Anonymous]

Marlene-you’re just a doll! Hope your daughter finds something she feels terrific wearing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are all wearing very short dresses that don't have much "coverage." Make peace with that, and give up this notion of having "restrictions." Go shopping with her, and let her get what she wants.

Sure you can do that.
Or you can guide her toward selecting something tasteful and appropriate.
What “they are all” doing is not relevant if “they are all” lowering their standards to impress one another or worse—to hypersexualize themselves for teen male attention.
But that’s just my old school feminist opinion.

[Anonymous]

The standard is showing as much skin as possible, OP. Micromini sheath/tube and down to there. In all honesty, if your daughter is into that, it's not a hill to die on, she won't be the only one and it doesn't make her a slut! I will also say that teen girl stores cater to that and sometimes it's difficult to find something else.

However, it's preferable if you inculcate a few loose rules that she use all her life: the main one being that you only show one portion of your body at one time. If the skirt is really short, then maybe not a top showing too much cleavage and skin. If the top is down to there, then not too much leg. It's all a balancing act.

The other useful rule is walking in heels. She needs to find something comfortable that doesn't sprain her ankle and she needs to practice elongating her walk and using her hips.

And the last useful rule is the stair rule. Mini skirts are fun until everyone sees your business going up the stairs. To that end, a tight mini skirt is usually safer than a skater (full circle or A line) mini that's loose and can swing wider to show panties.

[Anonymous]

My brain went immediately to being 16 and hearing “pay for part of the dress.”

I would have altered it wayyy shorter and told my mom I was wearing her paid for part of the dress.

And now I can’t stop giggling. Good thing I am a mother of sons

[Anonymous]

I second the shoe suggestion. For hoco DD wanted a particular height and I thought they would be way too high. Rather than having a battle, she tried on several and the ones she liked and could actually walk in ended up being reasonable.

Yes, many dresses are tiny. They know what’s in style, not us. Let your daughter pick the dress. I would also pay for it all, if you can afford it, and let her use the money for dinner or other accessories.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The standard is showing as much skin as possible, OP. Micromini sheath/tube and down to there. In all honesty, if your daughter is into that, it's not a hill to die on, she won't be the only one and it doesn't make her a slut! I will also say that teen girl stores cater to that and sometimes it's difficult to find something else.

However, it's preferable if you inculcate a few loose rules that she use all her life: the main one being that you only show one portion of your body at one time. If the skirt is really short, then maybe not a top showing too much cleavage and skin. If the top is down to there, then not too much leg. It's all a balancing act.

The other useful rule is walking in heels. She needs to find something comfortable that doesn't sprain her ankle and she needs to practice elongating her walk and using her hips.

And the last useful rule is the stair rule. Mini skirts are fun until everyone sees your business going up the stairs. To that end, a tight mini skirt is usually safer than a skater (full circle or A line) mini that's loose and can swing wider to show panties.

I’m the PP and my DD wore her volleyball shorts under her dress at hoco. Many do similar and wear something like nike pros so they don’t flash anyone with the dresses.