Shower time troubles

[Anonymous]

Dear DCUM,

I have four kids and showering doesn’t come easy. The oldest, she’s 16, spends too much time showering. She creates a music playlist for background and uses these strange products she bought with money from a summer job because DH and I aren’t wasting our money on anything more than soap, shampoo, and condish. She spends around a hour in the bathroom every night showering. Meanwhile DS, 14, has the opposite problem. You remember how when your kids were younger you had to remind them to take a bath as they didn’t really realize they had to? Well that’s happening again. My son holds firm in his belief that a good enough cologne is a perfect substitute for a shower. Unless we remind him, he can go 3 or 4 days without showering. Luckily he washes his hands but who knows if that’ll last. And then we have the twins, one girl and one boy. They’re 10 and surprisingly the most normal showerers of the bunch. The only weird thing with them is temperature, they only shower with cold water which I know because there is never steam in the mirrors on the cabinets in the bathroom. But cold water isn’t a problem for me, it just seems a little uncomfy.

Thank you for listening,
Marlene

[Anonymous]

Tell your 14 year old if he isn’t being responsible with taking responsibility for his hygiene you can start giving him baths again. Hopefully you only maybe have to do it once before he starts to take it seriously. The 10 year olds you can ask them if they need help getting started with adjusting the water temperature correctly. I can’t imagine why anyone would want to take a cold shower.

[Anonymous]

Well Marlene, I’d urge you to accept your sixteen year old’s habits. Showering can be a sacred time. Your fourteen year old on the other hand? You don’t even know if he WASHES HIS HANDS? Punish him! I don’t even care about the twins!

[Anonymous]

Take the phone and tell him he can have it back after he showers.

[Anonymous]

See if you can shift part of the 16 yr olds shower routine to her room. Presumably she's not literally in the shower for an hour. Most of that time is likely applying and removing products, doing stuff like dry brushing or a face roller, etc. Most of that can happen in her room.

14 yr old needs to shower daily. Every other day would be the bare minimum but honestly that's unusual not enough for a boy that age-- they start stinking fast due to hormones. This would be non-negotiable for me, I'd die on this hill.

Twins seem fine but check to see if the reason the mirror doesn't fog is because they are rushing, rather than due to cold water. Since they are entering puberty now, you don't want them in the same place your 14 yr old is in now. Make sure they are actually using soap, actually cleaning the spots that need to be cleaned, etc. Kids can do weird things when left to their own devices. I highly recommend getting them age appropriate books on hygiene and discussing them. I've found it helps when they are getting the info from a neutral authority and not just from mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take the phone and tell him he can have it back after he showers.

This

[Anonymous]

14yo needs to shower every day.
16yo needs to be told no music/phone in shower

[Anonymous]

Are they all sharing one bathroom?

[Anonymous]

I have some of the same issues. My 16 year old has autism and doesn’t love to bathe. I turn the shower on for him before I wake him up in the morning and kind of walk him over to the bathroom before he is really awake enough to fight with me on it.
My 14 year old daughter takes the long showers at night. I don’t fight her on it. I do have extra toothbrushes and deodorant on a basket in the downstairs half-bath so that her shower routine doesn’t keep the other kids from going to bed.
My 11 year old is also pretty good as long as he has a specific time set earlier in the day that he knows we will be home and the shower will be available for him. What he doesn’t like is if we stop him while he’s doing something else and tell him to shower or make him do it first thing in the morning.

[Anonymous]

No music in the shower

[Anonymous]

My 15 year old DD is the opposite of yours. She showers, but I can’t get her to do anything with her hair other than brush it once a day, and she seems to have very little interest in her appearance.
I guess this is good in some ways, but I know it makes her seem weird to other kids.

[Anonymous]

DD13 is the same takes more than an hour or more for bath, after tried all the threatening and talking also timer use but nothing worked, DH got a remote control bathroom light switch, and turn the light off after 30 min ( can’t turn back on inside). I also found something like a faucet timer but DH refused to try since he’s not the handyman type, but it may work more efficiently.

[Anonymous]

I would let the 16 year old routine go unless she's preventing others from getting in the shower or making people late for work or school.. if showers are causing tardiness she can shift her schedule.

For the twins as long as they're clean I wouldn't worry about it cold shower with soap are fine. You can as if they need help adjusting the temp but if they just want cold water let them.

Your real battle is with the 14 year old he.must shower daily no.negotiables. as soon as he's home for the night he showers that's the routine if you must threaten him with losing his phone or washing him so be it.

[Anonymous]

14 yo absolutely needs to shower and daily.

[Anonymous]

The problem I had with my 14 yo son was his thick greasy hair. I had to occasionally help him wash it in the sink like at hair salons.

Also he had a pair of sneakers that smelled awful and he wouldn’t give them up. I finally had to throw them away. My point is your son is not the only boy out there with difficult hygiene issues at this age. Even some of the boys this age who shower daily smell not so great halfway through the day.