Friend Judging

[Anonymous]

Is there ever something a friend confided in you that they did and you were appalled by but never said so in preservation of the friendship but then when the friendship ended you remembered it and it was like even more appalling than before?

I knew someone who told me they “rent” things from stores. As in, they buy high value items, use them for a purpose and then return.

[Anonymous]

I had a friend who did this. She knew I thought it was bad at the time though, so I don't feel any different about it now.

I also had a friend who started cheating on her husband and wanted to use me as an alibi. That ended our friendship. I wasn't particularly friendly with her husband but he was a really nice guy and didn't deserve that. The friend and I reconnected years later via social media when we had babies around the same time. She is remarried now. She actually apologized to me for putting me in that position and seems to have grown up a lot.

Sometimes people change with time. Sometimes they don't. I try to be honest with friends when they do things that cross ethical lines for me.

[Anonymous]

[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:I had a friend who did this. She knew I thought it was bad at the time though, so I don't feel any different about it now.

I also had a friend who started cheating on her husband and wanted to use me as an alibi. That ended our friendship. I wasn't particularly friendly with her husband but he was a really nice guy and didn't deserve that. The friend and I reconnected years later via social media when we had babies around the same time. She is remarried now. She actually apologized to me for putting me in that position and seems to have grown up a lot.

Sometimes people change with time. Sometimes they don't. I try to be honest with friends when they do things that cross ethical lines for me.

Op here -
I try to most of the times with my very best but I find that generally saying something to a friend along these lines is ever received well. And will typically kill the friendship. All of the “you can tell me when I’m wrong” is fluff.

[Anonymous]

I had a friend who was not a practicing nurse anymore but lied about being a front lines healthcare worker so she could get the Covid vaccine before the common folk. Very entitled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a friend who was not a practicing nurse anymore but lied about being a front lines healthcare worker so she could get the Covid vaccine before the common folk. Very entitled.

I know this same nurse. C

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there ever something a friend confided in you that they did and you were appalled by but never said so in preservation of the friendship but then when the friendship ended you remembered it and it was like even more appalling than before?

I knew someone who told me they “rent” things from stores. As in, they buy high value items, use them for a purpose and then return.

Like what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there ever something a friend confided in you that they did and you were appalled by but never said so in preservation of the friendship but then when the friendship ended you remembered it and it was like even more appalling than before?

I knew someone who told me they “rent” things from stores. As in, they buy high value items, use them for a purpose and then return.

Like what?

Like electronics - maybe an extra TV is needed for a big game outside but not needed permanently - use and return

[Anonymous]

[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there ever something a friend confided in you that they did and you were appalled by but never said so in preservation of the friendship but then when the friendship ended you remembered it and it was like even more appalling than before?

I knew someone who told me they “rent” things from stores. As in, they buy high value items, use them for a purpose and then return.

Like what?

Like electronics - maybe an extra TV is needed for a big game outside but not needed permanently - use and return

Op again - our fancy clothing. Wear once, keep tags on and return

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a friend who was not a practicing nurse anymore but lied about being a front lines healthcare worker so she could get the Covid vaccine before the common folk. Very entitled.

I would entirely forgive that. Getting vaccinated is a public service. There aren't that many former nurses rushing to get vaccinated that it adversely impacts the health of little grandmas and grandpas who also need it ASAP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there ever something a friend confided in you that they did and you were appalled by but never said so in preservation of the friendship but then when the friendship ended you remembered it and it was like even more appalling than before?

I knew someone who told me they “rent” things from stores. As in, they buy high value items, use them for a purpose and then return.

Like what?

Like electronics - maybe an extra TV is needed for a big game outside but not needed permanently - use and return

Op again - our fancy clothing. Wear once, keep tags on and return

If they did it a lot it would bother me. The one off wouldn't. How does it affect you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there ever something a friend confided in you that they did and you were appalled by but never said so in preservation of the friendship but then when the friendship ended you remembered it and it was like even more appalling than before?

I knew someone who told me they “rent” things from stores. As in, they buy high value items, use them for a purpose and then return.

Like what?

Like electronics - maybe an extra TV is needed for a big game outside but not needed permanently - use and return

Op again - our fancy clothing. Wear once, keep tags on and return

If they did it a lot it would bother me. The one off wouldn't. How does it affect you?

Not OP, but by this logic, why care if she was stealing the stuff outright. It wouldn't impact you directly, so who cares?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a friend who was not a practicing nurse anymore but lied about being a front lines healthcare worker so she could get the Covid vaccine before the common folk. Very entitled.

I would entirely forgive that. Getting vaccinated is a public service. There aren't that many former nurses rushing to get vaccinated that it adversely impacts the health of little grandmas and grandpas who also need it ASAP.

This was right when the vaccines were released in limited amounts and appointments were hard to get. she literally did take a spot of an elderly person or an actual frontline worker. I have a legit healthcare license and wasn’t working in a hospital and could work virtually and I did not take the spot of an elderly person or a frontline worker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there ever something a friend confided in you that they did and you were appalled by but never said so in preservation of the friendship but then when the friendship ended you remembered it and it was like even more appalling than before?

I knew someone who told me they “rent” things from stores. As in, they buy high value items, use them for a purpose and then return.

Like what?

Like electronics - maybe an extra TV is needed for a big game outside but not needed permanently - use and return

Op again - our fancy clothing. Wear once, keep tags on and return

If they did it a lot it would bother me. The one off wouldn't. How does it affect you?

Not OP, but by this logic, why care if she was stealing the stuff outright. It wouldn't impact you directly, so who cares?

Right - I mean if everyone did this then clothing brands wouldn’t exist because there would be net zero sales. It’s the same as stealing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there ever something a friend confided in you that they did and you were appalled by but never said so in preservation of the friendship but then when the friendship ended you remembered it and it was like even more appalling than before?

I knew someone who told me they “rent” things from stores. As in, they buy high value items, use them for a purpose and then return.

No, but I don't put any effort into trying to preserve friendships with people who do things I find truly appalling. Sounds like a you issue, OP.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who cheated on her husband. They didn't have kids, which is possibly why I felt less strongly about it but I did tell her I didn't condone her behavior but I wasn't going to end our friendship because of it. (Some people on here clearly disagree with that, good for you).

I have another friend who has a drinking problem but I've never brought it up because it's not really my business. If I knew she were going to get behind the wheel of a car while drunk I would say something, otherwise, it's on her and her family to deal with. (I also don't think being an alcoholic and shoplifting are remotely the same thing, to be clear).