Chores—thoughts?

[Anonymous]

A friend and I this evening were discussing our 14yos and chores. She claims that she’s just happy her kid does the chore, even if they do it incorrectly. She says they are learning responsibility and she can always go back and fix things to her liking (her example was putting things like measuring cups and plastic ware back in an unorganized way, vs neatly.)

My stance is they should do it over themselves if it’s not correct—when they have a job, which household chores are for now—they will have to do their job in a certain way that meets expectations. So in my house, they would be coming back and nesting the measuring cups so they don’t run all over when the cabinet is opened.

Thoughts? Am I too hard? Is she too soft? Is there a middle ground?

[Anonymous]

Either is fine. Let it be.

[Anonymous]

Get a life.

[Anonymous]

We didn't really do chores. But if we did, I wouldn't harp on the quality of their execution within reason.

[Anonymous]

There is no right or wrong here. She knows her kid, and you know yours. No one is wrong. With that said, I was very strict with my kids about this sort of thing. But I didn't judge friends who were not. It seems like you are judging.

[Anonymous]

Quality comes over time. And there is no right or wrong here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend and I this evening were discussing our 14yos and chores. She claims that she’s just happy her kid does the chore, even if they do it incorrectly. She says they are learning responsibility and she can always go back and fix things to her liking (her example was putting things like measuring cups and plastic ware back in an unorganized way, vs neatly.)

My stance is they should do it over themselves if it’s not correct—when they have a job, which household chores are for now—they will have to do their job in a certain way that meets expectations. So in my house, they would be coming back and nesting the measuring cups so they don’t run all over when the cabinet is opened.

Thoughts? Am I too hard? Is she too soft? Is there a middle ground?

If your kid can do it correctly they should. I don’t harp on small details but if they threw the plastic ware in a cabinet and slammed the door shut so everything fell out as soon as it was opened, I would definitely point it out and have them fix it. If a single fork ended up in the wrong spot in the silverware drawer I’d fix it myself.

[Anonymous]

And, a 14 year old can definitely do these thing correctly.

[Anonymous]

Why teach weaponized incompetent out of the gate?

I’ve always assigned age appropriate chores, and thanked them for a good job, or took a moment to show them in a kind way how to do it correctly if it was not done well. Not a big deal. Messy can be fine with little ones, but tweens and teens will benefit in the long run in life from learning to do a job once, correctly.

[Anonymous]

I'd get them to do it right. But I was raised by a mother who dragged me out of bed at any time if she noticed a dish I'd cleaned wasn't perfectly cleaned, and then would say since I couldn't do it right I would have to clean all the dinner dishes another two months. No need to go THAT far.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend and I this evening were discussing our 14yos and chores. She claims that she’s just happy her kid does the chore, even if they do it incorrectly. She says they are learning responsibility and she can always go back and fix things to her liking (her example was putting things like measuring cups and plastic ware back in an unorganized way, vs neatly.)

My stance is they should do it over themselves if it’s not correct—when they have a job, which household chores are for now—they will have to do their job in a certain way that meets expectations. So in my house, they would be coming back and nesting the measuring cups so they don’t run all over when the cabinet is opened.

Thoughts? Am I too hard? Is she too soft? Is there a middle ground?

If your kid can do it correctly they should. I don’t harp on small details but if they threw the plastic ware in a cabinet and slammed the door shut so everything fell out as soon as it was opened, I would definitely point it out and have them fix it. If a single fork ended up in the wrong spot in the silverware drawer I’d fix it myself.

Similar here. My kids have ADHD which makes me try to pick my battles carefully since statistically they are hearing so much more than neurotypical kids about how they aren't doing things right, at home, at school, with friends...

If it impacts me, like everything falls out or I can't access what I need because everything is shoved into the cabinet, I will correct. If it's close to correct but not the most aesthetic, I try to let it go. I also try to work on technique more in the summer and on weekends when they're home more and have fewer demands than in the school year when they have a lot of homework, sports, and clubs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And, a 14 year old can definitely do these thing correctly.

+1

[Anonymous]

To me, chores show kids how much TIME each task takes. Then, when they asked me to drive them to a friend’s house, I needed their chores be completed. Honestly, I cannot get worked up on a kid who doesn’t make his/her bed to a high level of perfection. In my experience (my sons are young adults), their execution improves as they age.

[Anonymous]

I do a little bit of both.

First, they do their own laundry and I don’t care how they fold or put away their clothes. They’ve gotten better on their own with time.

For something like the dishes—I talk to them more about getting it right “hey, if you put them in the dishwasher this way they won’t get clean” (oh sorry is usually their response). And that has also gotten better as they’ve gotten older. Hey, you can’t just hang your coat on the knob, come hang it on a hanger. Don’t leave your shoes on the stairs, put them in the bench.

To be honest, sometimes I think I should get them to be more exact, but they are so stinking busy with a full day of school; after school activities or sports then home work, that I really think that if I harp on them for every detail then they will be stretched super thin and things will fall apart. I’m admittedly a adhd/type B mom myself so I have never been perfect when it comes to chores either, though im a lot better than when I was a teen—it took me a long time to learn how to do things right. But I got there.

[Anonymous]

You don’t want them to be sloppy but you don’t want them to be a perfectionist either