Homework spot --balance of supervision vs. dedicated spot

[Anonymous]

We just realized our middle schooler (7th grade) often claims to be doing homework and isn't (goofing around on YT). He doesn't know we know (and don't want to confront directly right now). Know that he probably needs more direct supervision (vs. regular check ins) but that might require one of us sitting with him. He currently works in a den area that is setup perfectly for work but just a touch out of the way that it's not ideal. Trying to balance moving homework to kitchen OR just sitting with him (which I know he won't like). Any thoughts on approach.

As an aside, what are tracking programs for computers so you can tell if browser history etc gets deleted?

[Anonymous]

Is he getting all of his work done, albeit inefficiently, or is he not finishing?

I think you’re either at a point or soon will be when your child needs to come up with strategies and make the decision about how to accommodate his disability. So long as he’s not watching objectionable material, I’m not sure why it matters that he’s taking breaks unless he isn’t getting done. Then the question might be how to manage the breaks. Or maybe he needs a different environment or a different time of day to do his work. Mine did his homework in the mornings in MS and his focus was laser sharp whereas at night he struggled.

In seventh grade, he’s halfway to HS and it will be really important for him to be managing his time and everything else. But you can’t wait until then to teach this because grades count for his future at that point where trial and error doesn’t have this type of risk in MS.

[Anonymous]

Try to print out work if possible and put the computer away.
For assignments that absolutely need the computer, can you turn his work station so the screen is visible when you walk by?

For the tracking issue, you can sometimes set up your router to do this and then read it with the app. It's not a great solution because it reports everything (anti virus software running in the background, etc.)

[Anonymous]

My extremely inattentive son had max supervision. He sat at the dining room table, which is centrally located in our house and walking to and from the kitchen, we could see his screen. Also I sat nearby working and would occasionally remind him to focus on his work. I could tell when his mind is elsewhere, even if I wasn't looking at his screen...

That's how we all survived K-12. Now he's in college and getting decent grades. I'm sure he still wastes a huge amount of time getting distracted, but he's learned enough self-regulation to get by.

[Anonymous]

Best to outsource to tutor, if feasible. If not, sit with him. I remember doing the whole geometry course with DD. Not the best memories

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Try to print out work if possible and put the computer away.
For assignments that absolutely need the computer, can you turn his work station so the screen is visible when you walk by?

For the tracking issue, you can sometimes set up your router to do this and then read it with the app. It's not a great solution because it reports everything (anti virus software running in the background, etc.)

Thanks, limiting computer use would be great. Unfortunately one of his main dx is dysgraphia, and it’s truly legit handwriting and thoughts are less sophisticated on paper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My extremely inattentive son had max supervision. He sat at the dining room table, which is centrally located in our house and walking to and from the kitchen, we could see his screen. Also I sat nearby working and would occasionally remind him to focus on his work. I could tell when his mind is elsewhere, even if I wasn't looking at his screen...

That's how we all survived K-12. Now he's in college and getting decent grades. I'm sure he still wastes a huge amount of time getting distracted, but he's learned enough self-regulation to get by.

Was this approach something he was resistant to? Our DS doesn’t love us being in the den space while working, but now have a better understanding…I think we might shift to this way.

[Anonymous]

We body double with our 6th grader. It's the only way. She would never finish if left to her own devices.When she is super confident she does it on her own and checks in with me. I argue for kitchen table so you can keep an eye on things. Not far awayfrom you.

Also need to incentivize completing the work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he getting all of his work done, albeit inefficiently, or is he not finishing?

I think you’re either at a point or soon will be when your child needs to come up with strategies and make the decision about how to accommodate his disability. So long as he’s not watching objectionable material, I’m not sure why it matters that he’s taking breaks unless he isn’t getting done. Then the question might be how to manage the breaks. Or maybe he needs a different environment or a different time of day to do his work. Mine did his homework in the mornings in MS and his focus was laser sharp whereas at night he struggled.

In seventh grade, he’s halfway to HS and it will be really important for him to be managing his time and everything else. But you can’t wait until then to teach this because grades count for his future at that point where trial and error doesn’t have this type of risk in MS.

Getting it done, but with holes / gaps. He has dysgraphia and low processing speed so I had been assuming some of the output issues was because of the low processing speed. In a weird way seeing that he hasn’t been working as intensely as thought is a relief.

No objectionable content—mix of sweet/silly/practical/interest oriented. Also happy that nothing on his school account. I guess when I was his age I’d “sneak” read teen mags/my own books instead of homework…

Main thing is these breaks cause the work to extend into evening or desired “free time” so I think main goal is to let him understand the link.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My extremely inattentive son had max supervision. He sat at the dining room table, which is centrally located in our house and walking to and from the kitchen, we could see his screen. Also I sat nearby working and would occasionally remind him to focus on his work. I could tell when his mind is elsewhere, even if I wasn't looking at his screen...

That's how we all survived K-12. Now he's in college and getting decent grades. I'm sure he still wastes a huge amount of time getting distracted, but he's learned enough self-regulation to get by.

Was this approach something he was resistant to? Our DS doesn’t love us being in the den space while working, but now have a better understanding…I think we might shift to this way.

PP you replied to. My son is the sweetest, most passive person I've never known, so he was OK with everything. Just couldn't help himself from having all these YouTube tabs open and getting dopamine hits instead of doing his homework...

[Anonymous]

We are in a district that uses ipads for middle school (which I don't love) but the web browsing is very locked down. They can access a few time wasters, like "cool math games," which is just silly internet games, but can't go to youtube or tiktok or anything. Could you similarly limit web browsing?

We have a routine that all internet use/accessibility is done in the dining room or kitchen. There has been pushback at times to certain changes we make to the device policy, because they haven't done anything "wrong," but it is easy for devices to become more of a distraction. When we put a new limit, we don't frame it as a punitive thing, but will blame an article we have read, for example, for the change in family policy. We have the same rule for everyone even if it is for the benefit of one of our kids.

I think 7th grade is a time to still be scaffolding good work habits. You can ask for his input about trying out productivity timers, making a list breaking hw into pieces, or building in mini rewards, for example.

I feel for your son - I have a hard time with procrastination and focus and don't know how I would've gotten through middle school with the internet and tech distractions at my fingertips.

[Anonymous]

We have three YouTube distraction problemv with my kids, too, and unfortunately it's not blocked because teachers assign some videos on it for school work.

I'm at an impasse right now with a ninth grader lobbying to move homework from the living room to their bedroom, where we have had a strict "no screens allowed" policy. But they have grown too tall for the downstairs desk to be workable and they end up slumped on the couch, which seems bad for posture. They get so angry when we suggest the kitchen table or getting a larger desk in the"public" areas of the house because apparently they're the only high schooler on the planet not allowed to have a phone, computer, iPad, to etc in the bedroom.