Philosophy question
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Anonymous
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Parents of older children, did anyone believe in the philosophy of "letting go of control or fixing your children's problems" instead of the helicopter parent ways?
In the end, which is better for children? |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
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Yes, it’s very important to me that my kids learn how to handle issues themselves. My parents were helicopter parents and I was not at all prepared for the real world.
But, a large part of that is teaching them the skills, not just throwing them to the wolves. So we spent a lot of time learning those skills. |
Anonymous
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I think the issue is balance. This call very much depends on your kid's age and how serious the issue is. While, yes, you need to teach your kids to fight their own battles, sometimes kids need adults to step in.
So, for example, if your 17 year old is grappling with, say, parents they babysit for coming home way later than promised, that might be a coaching issue. But if your 14 year is getting harassed at school, that's when mom and dad step in. |
Anonymous
| A lot of stepping in takes the form of advice, as opposed to literally stepping in. |
Anonymous
| IMHO, teaching children age-appropriate lessons and skills in order to build resilience and gradual independence is very empowering for the child who will likely grow up to be well equipped to optimally contribute to their generation and a broader society. It is also beneficial for the parent to essentially put in early work that won’t need to be carried into later years when many parents tend to want to pursue their own interests while cheering from the sidelines. |
Anonymous
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It’s not a binary
You’re supposed to teach your kids how to navigate the problems they face and help them come up with and implement solutions |
Anonymous
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It’s a balance. If my high schooler missed the bus, he’s going to walk and perhaps get a tardy. The school is walkable. If he forgets his homework, he’s going to turn it in late. I’m not stepping in.
If he is failing school, I’m stepping in. |
Anonymous
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It's showing them how to organize schoolwork, notes, assignments early on. (Ah yes in the olden days we had dividers and three rung binders and punched pocket folders!)
Help coach abd revise process if they forget, lose track It's not making your own spreadsheet of everything and monitoring it and making sure kid does it all. . |
Anonymous
Same |
Anonymous
| LOL this is how you wind up with teenage pregnancies. |
Anonymous
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I do not think it is an either/or question.
Different children are different, even within the same family. It is good for parents to be flexible and adaptive. Do what makes sense for that child at that age dealing with that issue. |
Anonymous
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I definitely subscribe more to the latter, but saying that I do that in order to help my children is kind of like saying that I am ordering takeout in order to support local restaurants.
I do it because it’s easier and I have my own adult life to live. I have a SN child, so I help a LOT, but ultimately he and all of my kids have to manage their own lives as much as their age and ability allows. |
Anonymous
| The goal should be for your child to be functioning fairly autonomously by 9th or 10th grade so that they can test their wings while still at home. Work backward from that. This means a lot of responsibility and self-efficacy by the end of middle school. |
Anonymous
This. My DD comes to me with issues, we talk them through, she handles on her own. She doesn't come to me with every problem. As she gets older,she doesn't ask for my input in as much. That's good, it means she's gaining confidence. I think it would be stupid to totally deny your kids any guidance at all -- why not at least tell them what you've learned so they might benefit from your longer life experience? Also, often DD basically figures it out herself but needs a sounding board and cheerleader. I'm happy to be that. |