ADHD at private school - if and when to leave

[Anonymous]

Our DS has ADHD and has attended a highly regarded all boys since 3rd grade. He is now in early middle school. Trying not to divulge too much because there can't possibly be too many like us. He started in a well rated public, we left because we felt he needed a smaller environment, and he was diagnosed with ADHD later that year. He has generally done well at school - not perfect but very well. He is a strong student academically and we have assumed the private school environment has helped socially and with school involvement.

So here is the deal. We are putting almost all of our disposable income into the private school and are starting to question if the value if there given the sacrifice financially. We are in a good suburban MoCo feeder. I worry about him academically, socially, athletically, pretty much everywhere by putting him in public, but I also wonder if he might be more explicit assistance with his ADHD. Right now he gets nothing but extra test time at the private. Grades are OK at school though and he doesn't even use it most the time.

As the kids at private get older I can see some of them really starting to take off and I am not sure if this is in the cards for our child, which is OK, but I wonder if the $40k+ we spend could be allocated differently to help him...even to the point of a 'nest egg' for a first house, etc.
Anyone experienced anything similar?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our DS has ADHD and has attended a highly regarded all boys since 3rd grade. He is now in early middle school. Trying not to divulge too much because there can't possibly be too many like us. He started in a well rated public, we left because we felt he needed a smaller environment, and he was diagnosed with ADHD later that year. He has generally done well at school - not perfect but very well. He is a strong student academically and we have assumed the private school environment has helped socially and with school involvement.

So here is the deal. We are putting almost all of our disposable income into the private school and are starting to question if the value if there given the sacrifice financially. We are in a good suburban MoCo feeder. I worry about him academically, socially, athletically, pretty much everywhere by putting him in public, but I also wonder if he might be more explicit assistance with his ADHD. Right now he gets nothing but extra test time at the private. Grades are OK at school though and he doesn't even use it most the time.

As the kids at private get older I can see some of them really starting to take off and I am not sure if this is in the cards for our child, which is OK, but I wonder if the $40k+ we spend could be allocated differently to help him...even to the point of a 'nest egg' for a first house, etc.
Anyone experienced anything similar?

We are also in a well regarded Bethesda cluster, but my DC's neuropsychologist recommended that we send DC to a private high school due to MCPS' large class sizes. DC has inattentive ADHD, is well behaved, and 2E, so DC's doctor thought that in large classes DC wouldn't get much attention from teachers. DC's main accomodation is extra time.

Yes, we could have used the tuition money for other things, but DC did so well at their private high school that we think it is worth it.

This is really a personal cost benefit analysis for every family.

[Anonymous]

OP, what are your child's areas of strength and where is he successful, either academically or with extracurriculars? I would make sure you are supporting an activity where he has seen success... if private school tuition gets in the way of that then perhaps it isn't worth it. Also, you might want to ask around to see how students with your child's profile are doing at your specific public school or other schools you might consider.

[Anonymous]

MCPS is chaotic and hard to navigate for kids without ADHD. I would stick with what's working for you.

[Anonymous]

My kid is also 2E, with ADHD and dyslexia. She would definitely struggle in MCPS, both with focusing and with getting the combination of academic challenge and supports that she needs.

[Anonymous]

One aspect of a large public school that was difficult for our inattentive ADHD 2e kid was simply the daily crowded, loud halls and general between time chaos. Way too much stimulation that took its toll daily. Moving to a private school was like nirvana, as he could use his energy to focus in class instead exhausting himself blocking the overstimulating "everything else" due to the chaos.

[Anonymous]

MCPS really offers no supports to kids with ADHD, just accommodations that you are likely to get in private as well. They might be willing to offer a cotaught class but we generally didn’t find those helpful. For the most advanced classes our well regarded MCPS HS didn’t offer a cotaught option. Where cotaught was an option, my kids were unhappy. I have had 3 kids with disabilities go through MCPS and 1 of them spent the middle school years in private. Based on my experiences, I would continue in private if you can swing it and your son is academically able to keep up and happy. I wish I could have afforded for all 3 of mine to have been private all the way through.

[Anonymous]

Have you looked at privates specializing in ADHD, like Mclean School? I would think you would get more value for your money there if what's most important are ADHD supports.

[Anonymous]

Public school offers little or nothing to kids with ADHD who are strong students because they are unlikely to qualify for IEPs. If he is doing well in the private school, I would keep him there if at all financially possible.

[Anonymous]

You could send him to public school or a cheaper Catholic school and use the money saved for an executive function coach.

As a teacher, my experience with students and ADHD is that most private school classrooms have a lot of students with the same profile (diagnosed & undiagnosed), so the small class size isn't that helpful when 50% of the kids can't sustain attention and manage impulsive behaviors.

[Anonymous]

I would look at public school + an executive function coach, unless the physical environment of the public school is going to be intolerable for him. He should qualify for a 504 so he’ll get extended time and related accommodations (my kid gets a quiet room for tests) in the school, but the explicit assistance will come from the coach. This will cost less and should help to build more explicit skills for navigating through less-than-ideal environments in college and beyond.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Public school offers little or nothing to kids with ADHD who are strong students because they are unlikely to qualify for IEPs. If he is doing well in the private school, I would keep him there if at all financially possible.

This. The stories you here of ADHD support being better are for extreme cases with very high need. Your kid is doing fine in his classes, he will get extra time accommodation and thats it.

Our private has a counselor who meets with our DD once a week and helps organize their paperwork, plan their week, and even makes study plans for some longer tasks. You may find switching is worthwhile.

[Anonymous]

It’s very tough to say. My daughter has been at an all-girl school with a very structured curriculum and emphasis on building executive functioning skills. The latter aspect has helped her tremendously. She is in HS now, taking the most rigorous classes and often being the only kid with ADHD in her honors math and science classes. I am pretty sure she would not have learned to be as organized if she had gone to public school (unless we had hired help to improve EF skills).

[Anonymous]

This type of kid is super common in both private and public around here. MCPS teachers in middle and high school, in our experience, are super great about accommodating my kid based on things in his 504 IF HE ASKS. It is the rare teacher who will proactively provide the accommodations he’s supposed to receive. The self-advocacy didn’t come easily at first, but now he’s a pro at communicating what he needs modified and it’s a useful skill to have developed.

The other thing helpful at MCPS is parents have access to grades, and any missing assignments pop up on the app so you can stay on top of this stuff. I think some privates keep parents more in the dark because they want kids to learn to handle everything. But for a kid with this profile, it’s helpful that I can see all the due dates etc. so fewer things fall through the cracks.